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"Why do so many people dismiss the struggles of unattractive women?"
I don't think anyone dismisses anyone else's struggles. I don't think anyone thinks about them to dismiss them. Most of us have more than enough struggles in our own lives., to busy ourselves with others' lives.
So, you are ugly. That's unfortunate for many reasons, but I don't think it matters to anyone but you. All of us feel ugly at times in our lives, but we are not our looks. By our deeds we will be known. Do you know who else was an ugly woman? Eleanor Roosevelt was ugly, a beloved first lady in our nation's history. Google famous ugly women. Think about what they've done in their lives.
Then go out there and dance like no one is watching, because no one is.
A make over will do wonders for self esteem. Also a new hair style and yes believe it or not if hair is course and brittle, which is mine, a remedy I use does help and you will not for one second believe what it is that helps but first before the home remedy.
Do homework and find someone who does makeovers for hair and new make up. Search the internet or ask some ladies you think wear good makeup and have nice easy care hair styles.
Then make an appt. for a keratin/biotin hair treatment it will flatten the daylights out of your hair so make sure you don't wash it or put it in a bun. No clips, no rubber bands nothing keep it straight for 2 days on the 3rd day wash in shower. It is healthy for your hair especially if you are older like me.
Then I would If you could afford it go shopping for new clothes and if possible, again on the internet, try to find someone who does make overs or go to one of those expensive stores where they help you find what is best for you shape, size and age. Again if you can afford it. Try to save up what you can to do this for you first start with a new looking you.
Also don't worry about finding that frog that never turns into a prince or does turn into a prince or what you think someone else, society thinks. You do this for you and only you. Don't be critical especially when trying new clothes and first learning how to apply make up properly or getting use to a new hairstyle. If Sonny and Cher back years ago could do then so can you. It's hard I know it will be hard especially the losing weight part but just do it for you. Every now and then we all need a new hairstyle, new coloring, new clothes. A little at a time if you don't have much money.
Remember it's what you see in the mirror no one else. I am learning this myself now. I deny myself invites because of this and now I found out they are not as critical of me as I am of myself. It's funny I never ever make fun of anyone overweight yet I pick on myself for it. We are never satisfied with ourselves but at some point it's time to just try and have fun doing things differently.
No advice coming from me. But I just want to confirm what you're sharing. I, even when young and at my most attractive, was never noticeably beautiful, but neither was I unattractive. I was sort of pretty in that way many people are pretty when they're young. Pretty enough. So although I wasn't a magnet for men, I did have some meaningful relationships and did marry the best possible guy... who was himself quite good looking and we could look at each other and say the other was attractive, and talk to each other and find something even more attractive. But would that have happened if I was actually unattractive by the usual measures? Probably not. So I just want to validate what you say. I think this is a very real thing, especially before you get quite a bit older when no one really cares that much anymore. I think unfortunately this deep bias toward "attractive" is kind of despicable really. It isn't the whole of life though. Thankfully!
"Why do so many people dismiss the struggles of unattractive women?"
well, i do not know these ---so many people---or that they actually "dismiss".
however, i do not know you as well, so i will accept your premise.
the question is "why"?
my 3 opinions:
1. some (not all) people dismiss EVERYthing they do not like/understand/etc.
2. struggles of others is an empathy equation. some will empathize, some will not.
3. essentially, i do not know exactly "why"....anything, really, if i am being honest.
Believe it or not there are men out that are equally physically unappealing. I will say that I believe it's more difficult to be an unattractive woman then it is to be an unattractive man, for two main reasons 1) Men tend to focus more on looks and less on character then do women 2)As men, we are told to suck it up, not take it personally and move on to the next potential mate when we get rejected (i.e. our egos are far less fragile).
Best of luck to the OP and don't move forward assuming you'll never find love. Life is full of twists and turns, many of which are completely unexpected!!!
This is not true. Especially for an average looking person.
And I see a lot of really ugly men with hot girls in cars that cost more than $80k.
I would agree with this. A goofy looking man can still date a very physically attractive women as long as he is wealthy. The reverse is seldom true and I don't know that I've ever seen a really attractive man with a wealthy yet homely looking woman by his side.
There is some truth to your comment. There's some benefit to believing things that may or may not be true but believing them shapes our world view toward a safer, kinder existence. So sure, we have one life to live and we're wise to carry only those burdens we must. I'm not certain the OP is adding to her burden so much as looking for a way to lessen it a bit, though. What you see as self pity, I choose to see as a request for sympathy. That's a choice I made, just like you chose to see it differently, more darkly. She asked for sympathy, and it seems that you took time out of your precious Friday to say "NO", not gonna help you there.
Your comment illustrates the point I made. The OP opened a door slightly and asked to be heard on a sensitive topic and you shut that door without hearing a word she said.
I am sorry. And I am sorry about your experiences.
My recommendation is to make the best out of what you can control. They weight issue is on you entirely, you cannot blame the world for it - I doubt that you were incapable of having a good figure if you would have put in the work like the rest of us. Most people have to put in a lot of work to be in shape. Apparently it is not impossible, since you said you now lost weight ...
Hair - my sister has crazy hair and looked like a homeless person. She gets them straightened now, looks much better. Worst case - chop it off and wear a nice wig.
A lot of people spend a lot of money for plastic surgery, dermatologists, dentists, ... if you struggle that much with your appearance, go for a consultation and see what they can do. At least the nose and chin should be fixable. That will make a huge difference.
Find a good therapist.
Be a nice person. Funniness, kindness, and niceness goes a long way. More than being pretty. Surround yourself with good people. The most accepting, kind people are usually the ones who rescue animals/work in shelters, etc.
I really think this is good advice. The OP has had success with her weight
The OP has had a hard life, and people can be cruel. So many improvements can be made today with plastic surgery. Have a few free consultations with a trusted, board certified plastic surgeon. They will be able to -guide you as to what procedures will yield the best overall results.
Sometimes facial hair, especially coupled with cystic acne, can be caused by various hormonal imbalances. The OP should visit her OBGYN to find out.
Don't be dissuaded by people who tell you that "it's what's inside that counts" or "don't be so vain!" YOU have lived in your body, with your face and hair for your whole life. You are young, and romance and love are still very possible.
Plastic surgery is not as expensive as it once was. There are also payment plans and loans. Medical schools often have reduced price programs.
Also, see a good hairdresser and find out what their suggestions are.
I really wish you well. Please come back and tell us what you have decided to do.
I really think this is good advice. The OP has had success with her weight
The OP has had a hard life, and people can be cruel. So many improvements can be made today with plastic surgery. Have a few free consultations with a trusted, board certified plastic surgeon. They will be able to -guide you as to what procedures will yield the best overall results.
Sometimes facial hair, especially coupled with cystic acne, can be caused by various hormonal imbalances. The OP should visit her OBGYN to find out.
Don't be dissuaded by people who tell you that "it's what's inside that counts" or "don't be so vain!" YOU have lived in your body, with your face and hair for your whole life. You are young, and romance and love are still very possible.
Plastic surgery is not as expensive as it once was. There are also payment plans and loans. Medical schools often have reduced price programs.
Also, see a good hairdresser and find out what their suggestions are.
I really wish you well. Please come back and tell us what you have decided to do.
I have NCCH - rare hormone disorder. Unfortunately there's no cure.
I have NCCH - rare hormone disorder. Unfortunately there's no cure.
I'm sorry Accutane didn't work for you. I was one of the first people to use it, in 1983 and it is really a miracle drug. Although it was so new then, they didn't tell me about severe depression being a side-effect but truth be told, I would do it again.
Perhaps there is a miracle drug being worked on that will help you someday. Or maybe there's already a drug with an off-label use that hasn't been discovered. Don't give up hope.
The "acceptance method" as you say, is probably your best bet unless/until some miracle occurs.
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