Why do so many people dismiss the struggles of unattractive women? (men, woman)
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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marigodqew
I have NCCH. PCOS is more common but my syndrome is a bit rarer.
Oh…you probably mean NCCAH. That explains some of the issues. Ofc you can vent…you should have said that in your 1st post so we had a better understanding of what you’re going through.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 03-21-2023 at 06:04 PM..
Hi Marigodqew I am so sorry to hear that you feel ugly in a superficial world.
I'm disgusted that adults think they must make negative comments on your appearance, and are mean and dismissive of you.
I know you just really want to rant, and don't mean to invalidate anyone else's feelings or experiences.
You have obviously observed how society treats ugly women, and how society treats beautiful women. Even ugly men live in a different world to you. They do not experience the same level of public condemnation for their looks, like you have faced.
I know you have good hygiene, smell good, and dress well.
Just remember it's shallow people who make judgements based on appearances.
Laughing out loud. I am not only an old white woman, I'm a too-tall old white woman. I was made fun of for my height all my life. I once joined eHarmony only to have them tell me, sorry, only 3% of men would be interested in a woman as tall as you. Then they asked if I wanted to change my profile. LOL, what? LIE about my height? How long did they think I could pull that off?
It might have been OK if I was an overly tall beautiful woman, but I wasn't. Rather "plain", as it has been kindly put, in adulthood. "Ugliest girl in the class" in high school.
I don't care anymore what anyone thinks. If you have something negative or stupid to say about my height or appearance, you are dismissed.
I truly hope the OP can get to that point.
That's just nuts about eHarmony. I remember one time I was rejected by eHarmony, I forget what reason! I was really incensed, but I laughed about it later. I was supposed to lie about my religious beliefs at the time. Later they had to open their site to everyone because they were losing ground.
Really glad you posted your story. I too hope the OP can get to that point.
The OP is depressed. No doubt you mean well. Challenging her for her feelings and coping skills is not helpful right now, but it would be more useful for the OP to speak with a therapist, in addition to some medical, possibly endocrine, screenings.
How does any of this negate what I said re: a Psychology Forum; ultimately, it is only the OP who can improve how she feels emotionally, regardless of how she does so. She isn’t going to change (by dwelling on) ‘dismissive’ folks, per the thread; rather, psychological health is about addressing (or how to improve) our own thoughts/behavior/focus, not that of others. It is not necessarily about the situation in and of itself or that we live in a superficial world, for that matter; it is what it is.
I, indeed, meant well i.e. her feelings are ultimately in her power - not theirs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marigodqew
I had to learn to accept I am ugly. I cope with it as well as I have learned. However other people still take an issue with it.
What people have an issue with how you look? I’d suggest you reconsider the type of folks you are allowing into your life; it sounds as though they have their own issues. We all know it’s insecure (or psychologically unwell) folks who have a need to harp on or harass others (for something) - no matter how they look.
Ofc you can vent…you should have said that in your 1st post so we had a better understanding of what you’re going through.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marigodqew
A lot of people out there think a woman has an easier time finding a romantic partner regardless of looks and the answer is no. There is a lot of gas lighting of women who find ourselves unattractive too, we are told we don't look as bad as we think. The reality is that life is not fair and some women get a ridiculously bad hand when it comes to appearance.
It's not just the west. Women in India (and other parts of the world) get acid thrown in their faces when they reject the wrong guy. They do it as revenge for the rejection, and to make them ugly for anyone else.
I think Asia is far worse than the US/Europe. They have many other issues such as skin bleaching, which is common in many countries, and many countries actually require pictures as part of job applications. For example, in South Korea, it is not unusual for girls to start getting plastic surgeries at a young age. There is the whole market of K-pop which often requires young girls/boys to get plastic surgery to be competitive. The pressure to be thin is also huge. I remember when I lived in Japan, they had insane ads for weight loss products that showed women who were tiny. I had a gorgeous coworker who was a size 6 by US standards and was considered the “hot teacher” by all the men. By the beauty standards, she was “fat” and she also had a very traditional Asian appearance, which is also undesirable.
How does any of this negate what I said re: a Psychology Forum; ultimately, it is only the OP who can improve how she feels emotionally, regardless of how she does so. She isn’t going to change (by dwelling on) ‘dismissive’ folks, per the thread; rather, psychological health is about addressing (or how to improve) our own thoughts/behavior/focus, not that of others. It is not necessarily about the situation in and of itself or that we live in a superficial world, for that matter; it is what it is.
I, indeed, meant well i.e. her feelings are ultimately in her power - not theirs.
What people have an issue with how you look? I’d suggest you reconsider the type of folks you are allowing into your life; it sounds as though they have their own issues. We all know it’s insecure (or psychologically unwell) folks who have a need to harp on or harass others (for something) - no matter how they look.
None of us know the OP, or quite know what she needs or wants right now, or what motivated her to post.
As a retired medical professional, I made an assessment and did my best. This is what I learned to do in order to help people. Again, I do not know the OP.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,589,638 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by digitalUID
She did.
No…the O.P. did not mention she had NCCAH in her original post. It was only recently…after somebody asked her if she had ever been screened for PCOS. IMO it would have helped to know what she has gone through instead of talking about other ppl being dismissive of her. Most ppl don’t know what NCCAH is… especially when the O.P. didn’t talk about it in her 1st post.
So, it sounded like another silly “men & women like to meet or date attractive ppl & don’t care about anything else” thread. There are a LOT of those. BUT, we can see now this is different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by allthatglitters
I know you have good hygiene, smell good, and dress well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mgkeith
None of us know the OP, or quite know what she needs or wants right now, or what motivated her to post.
The poster who said they knew the O.P. had good hygiene & dresses well must know her. Most of us feel bad for her & we are just trying to help.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 03-22-2023 at 11:41 AM..
No…the O.P. did not mention she had NCCAH in her original post. It was only recently…after somebody asked her if she had ever been screened for PCOS. IMO it would have helped to know what she has gone through instead of talking about other ppl being dismissive of her. Most ppl don’t know what NCCAH is… especially when the O.P. didn’t talk about it in her 1st post.
So, it sounded like another silly “men & women like to meet or date attractive ppl & don’t care about anything else” thread. There are a LOT of those. BUT, we can see now this is different.
I misunderstood. I thought you were referring to her wanting to vent.
The poster who said they knew the O.P. had good hygiene & dresses well must know her. Most of us feel bad for her & we are just trying to help.
Trying to help? This coming from a poster who clearly states in the fashion & beauty forum :
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh
I know I get lots of flack for being “superficial”
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I am so sorry to hear that you feel ugly in a superficial world.