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That seems like a distinction without a difference to me... All those traits you mention contribute to both a good gene pool and a secure future for children.
But in general, men select for breeding, women select for upbringing.
This isn't 1950s America. I was just talking to a female friend recently about the fact that she and her (male) partner are seriously considering making him a stay-at-home dad while she is the sole breadwinner. Even my spouse's female best friend essentially has this arrangement with her husband, i.e. she is the primary breadwinner.
I do hope the OP i still around. I have another suggestion. While you are seeing a therapist, and working on your appearance, if you already don't have one, how about adopting a dog or cat? There are so many deserving animals without homes available at your local shelter! Animals love us unconditionally. They are soothing, and boost our moods and many studies say, our overall health.
Get yourself a cute kitty or a playful affectionate puppy or dog. If you live in a place that does not permit animals, you could move. (I would) OR you could volunteer at your local animal shelter. You will also meet compassionate people who could turn into friends.
I empathize with everything that our OP is going through...... Except the weight part. My father and mother were obese when they died. Most of my family members are obese. My most famous family member was a member of the rap group called the "Fat Boys" and he died back in the 1990s. When I was younger, I was a "chunky" little boy.
Fast forward to present day in which I've recently started my diet; I'm now down to 210 pounds and I stand 6ft 4 inches tall. I literally had to drop down to two meals a day with very little carbs and calories in order to get these results. It's an eye opening experience because when we eat to live (instead of living to eat) we gain more energy, we look better, we stabilize blood pressure, and we save a lot of money on our biggest monthly expenditure (FOOD).
Before this diet, I was easily consuming $40/day some days. Now, I can go 24 hours on less than $10 (and water is free if you filter it yourself). I'm in better shape now and I'm saving dollars too!!! I like to think of myself as the guy who did a free gastric bypass just by having the will power to put the fork down (while saying HELL NO to the pasta, fries, pizza, cakes, pies, cookies, and fried chicken). It can be done if you want it badly enough.
With that said, a hot body is a universal game changer that will make most people ignore what's going on above the neck. With a nice body and a decent makeup artist; women probably have more transformation options than men. I challenge anyone to look at some of the make up transformations on YouTube. You'll see twos go up to a solid 8 or 9 in the face and it's absolutely amazing to see. Couple this with some nutritional discipline and our OP could definitely turn things around.....
I was just thinking about that great old movie, "Marty," about an unattractive man who finds an unattractive woman. Both were sick of feeling rejected and unwanted and both wanted marriage and a family, so they married each other...
In general, it's said, we tend to mate with people who are about as attractive as we are.
Unattractive men may not have as many prospects to choose from, so one's chances are better with them. In the case of these characters, their looks just weren't that important.
From a man who has been looking a wmen for a vey long time, I have just one wotd of advice.
SMILE.
Other women, even the pretty ones, if they see me looking, tighten heir lips, turn up the corners for a beat of exactly one, and turn away. Supermarket princesses. Then along comes You, you smile with your eyes, you hold my glance, we circle around to the next aisle, your eyess say "There you are again." Guess what, Honey, you just moved to the top of the leader-board. Unless you're birth-defect ugly, you just made a man's day unforgettable.
^^The problem with that is nowadays you never know who you are dealing with. It used to be that people could meet in a grocery store, date, get married and still be married 50 years later. I myself have never met a date or a partner in a grocery store. I guess I'm one of those supermarket princesses, but it's all in how a man acts. The body language and energy need to be non-invasive and non-stalkerish. It's a fine line. Sometimes someone can seem a little too invasive without intending to be. I've struck up conversations with plenty of people in a supermarket, but it never led to any dates. Just friendly conversation.
^^The problem with that is nowadays you never know who you are dealing with. It used to be that people could meet in a grocery store, date, get married and still be married 50 years later. I myself have never met a date or a partner in a grocery store. I guess I'm one of those supermarket princesses, but it's all in how a man acts. The body language and energy need to be non-invasive and non-stalkerish. It's a fine line. Sometimes someone can seem a little too invasive without intending to be. I've struck up conversations with plenty of people in a supermarket, but it never led to any dates. Just friendly conversation.
And the for the most part, you're in the grocery store to buy food, not to perform pleasantries to strangers.
From a man who has been looking a wmen for a vey long time, I have just one wotd of advice.
SMILE.
Other women, even the pretty ones, if they see me looking, tighten heir lips, turn up the corners for a beat of exactly one, and turn away. Supermarket princesses. Then along comes You, you smile with your eyes, you hold my glance, we circle around to the next aisle, your eyess say "There you are again." Guess what, Honey, you just moved to the top of the leader-board. Unless you're birth-defect ugly, you just made a man's day unforgettable.
Ewww; that all sounds a bit creepy to me!
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