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What I'm reading here is exactly what the post is about--dismissing the struggles of unattractive women. Posters are still coming back with, "oh, men are flexible with looks; men don't mind straight bodies, love yourself first," Talk about dismissing someone's struggles...!!!
The poster asked, "Why do so many people dismiss the struggles of unattractive women?" And I have to say, in my opinion, most people don't relate to these women's struggles, they don't have a clue, they are generally in the "over 5" category of looks and have had decent success finding someone. The majority of women I know are married. They don't have a clue what an unattractive woman goes through, how we feel, the humiliation of never being "chosen" and proposed to and have a wedding day of our own. You have NO CLUE!!!
I couldn't rep you again. The bottom line is this - THE POSTER is unhappy with her looks. Judging from her description, I would tend to agree with her that most women would not be happy with these physical traits.
Why are so many of you HELL BENT on making this poster feel MORE SHAME than she already does - for not being comfortable in hairy, pimple covered, skin, a large nose, and a receding chin?
YOU live with those traits. Noone has to live that way. NO ONE.
If you can tell me that you would be happy with the appearance that the OP describes, AND you would be happy to live that way, you still don't have a basis on which to comment. Why? SHE is NOT YOU.
Even if there is a man who she could interest, maybe he doesn't interest her.
The whole post was not about MEN. She was unhappy with appearance.
Try to have empathy. She is a relatively young woman. Ahead of her, she has about a decade of childbearing years. Perhaps more. However, the symptoms sound very much like those of women who suffer from a syndrome that interferes with fertility. She needs to see an endocrinologist.
She also needs to see a therapist. On CITY DATA, she needs people who understand that this is a constellation of disorders that not only may possibly prevent her from enjoying her appearance, but from dating her choice of partner and quite possibly, from making friends of her own gender.
Studies have shown that women tend to gravitate towards friends who are as attractive as them, or
slightly more attractive.
She deserves to look the way she wants. her best self. Some people's "Best Self" involves medical intervention. She will still look like herself, but at her best.
What she doesn't need? Old sayings, pop psychology, and judgment for wanting what most of us take for granted.
A lot of people out there think a woman has an easier time finding a romantic partner regardless of looks and the answer is no. There is a lot of gas lighting of women who find ourselves unattractive too, we are told we don't look as bad as we think. The reality is that life is not fair and some women get a ridiculously bad hand when it comes to appearance.
(venting here)
I've long accepted my looks (even though it was hard) but by the age of 14 I knew I was going to never find a romantic partner. By that age I was 210 pounds and covered in cystic acne, my facial features were awful with a large nose, long face, no chin and an enormous forehead. I had a very difficult hair type too- very coarse and could not really be tamed. At that age people were already starting to couple up in eighth grade so the pain of romantic rejection had just started for me.
The older I got the worse my looks became, my acne got worse, I couldn't lose weight, I grew facial hair and some how manged to get even uglier facially. My acne persisted until age 30 and I was left with bad scars on the my face and body. I developed a parotid gland tumor in my face and the removal of it left me with minor facial paralysis at 24. Even in my adult years people still tried to mock me for my appearance - especially strangers.
I've lost weight but will never be thin. My body has never been '''nice'' - it's just bad all around, weight loss or no weight loss and of course I'm still ugly. Bad teeth too despite years of dental intervention. Hair is still horrible - I've always had that hair type that can break brushes in half. At 33 I've never been on a date, never been kissed never any romantic opportunities. But as I said, I have reached a point of acceptance of that. I do wish society had more acceptance, belief and empathy for unattractive women. We do exist and sometimes no amount of ''glow ups'' will help us our genetics are such a way that improvement is hopeless. We're not all victims of self hatred and low self esteem either. Some of just want to have our story heard. Is it so hard to believe?
Posts like this break my heart. Everyone deserves love. It makes me angry that some people might never find love because they are dealt a cruel hand by genetics.
That people take the time to answer and offer their opinion and viewpoint is ironically proof that they don't dismiss the struggle of the person, but instead they try to find out more or offer sympathy or maybe another way of thinking that maybe the person hasn't really thought about.
Maybe. That's a generous interpretation. However, some people, unfortunately, seem to post in order to gloat (using the same example: those who post about NOT being alone on "alone" threads). Others, I'm convinced, post simply to hear themselves talk!
I couldn't rep you again. The bottom line is this - THE POSTER is unhappy with her looks. Judging from her description, I would tend to agree with her that most women would not be happy with these physical traits.
Why are so many of you HELL BENT on making this poster feel MORE SHAME than she already does - for not being comfortable in hairy, pimple covered, skin, a large nose, and a receding chin?
YOU live with those traits. Noone has to live that way. NO ONE.
If you can tell me that you would be happy with the appearance that the OP describes, AND you would be happy to live that way, you still don't have a basis on which to comment. Why? SHE is NOT YOU.
Even if there is a man who she could interest, maybe he doesn't interest her.
The whole post was not about MEN. She was unhappy with appearance.
Try to have empathy. She is a relatively young woman. Ahead of her, she has about a decade of childbearing years. Perhaps more. However, the symptoms sound very much like those of women who suffer from a syndrome that interferes with fertility. She needs to see an endocrinologist.
She also needs to see a therapist. On CITY DATA, she needs people who understand that this is a constellation of disorders that not only may possibly prevent her from enjoying her appearance, but from dating her choice of partner and quite possibly, from making friends of her own gender.
Studies have shown that women tend to gravitate towards friends who are as attractive as them, or
slightly more attractive.
She deserves to look the way she wants. her best self. Some people's "Best Self" involves medical intervention. She will still look like herself, but at her best.
What she doesn't need? Old sayings, pop psychology, and judgment for wanting what most of us take for granted.
So you’re saying we should tell her she’s right and she has no hope for love and that would be better?
I’ve seen plenty of unattractive people in relationships so I don’t believe she has no hope at all to find love.
What I'm reading here is exactly what the post is about--dismissing the struggles of unattractive women.
No one is stopping unattractive women from getting plastic surgery or flying to Brazil where they can find any stud who wants them. Unattractive men have the exact same struggle and use the exact same solution. Most people of both genders are not genetic lottery winners.
Complaining for the sake of complaining isn't going to make one attractive.
Complaining for the sake of complaining isn't going to make one attractive.
Oh so now the OP is "complaining for the sake of complaining"! Wow. Have you read this thread? I doubt anything has registered with you. Do you understand what various people here are trying to say? This is gaslighting to the enth degree.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pathrunner
Oh so now the OP is "complaining for the sake of complaining"! Wow. Have you read this thread? I doubt anything has registered with you. Do you understand what various people here are trying to say? This is gaslighting to the enth degree.
ITA Rocko’s comment is rude & uncaring, but it isn’t gaslighting. You can’t gaslight a stranger in a forum. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation over time in a relationship or friendship where the person wants to control the other. Things like “I never said that” when they may have said it 2 times the day before or “this is your own fault” & “you made me do this”…stuff like that. It happens repeatedly. It’s common in abusive relationships & with narcissists. Everything is the other person’s fault. They don’t take any responsibility for what they do to emotionally harm somebody else. After awhile, the person starts to believe it is their fault…if they aren’t healthy themselves.
Of course it's rude and uncaring, but it is also gaslighting. A main facet of gaslighting is making someone believe that their thoughts and feelings aren't real and don't count, and therefore are not warranted.
I've always wondered that. Especially with the men who can't get dates. It's as if they don't want anyone else to horn in on their lifelong self-pity party.
As to why others don't want to believe the reality not only of unattractive women, but of average women who simply don't get noticed, I think people are somehow trained by TV and other media from an early age to believe in cliches, and to believe that most women look like the actresses and models represented in the media. There seems to be have been some mass mental imprinting going on. That's the best I can do to explain it.
People also dismiss the struggles of attractive women, but that's another thread.
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