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Reminds me of the Norm MacDonald bit on autoerotic asphyxiation. "Think about risk and reward here".
Obviously like most kinks there's no real rational basis, it's just that people turn off their brains when sex gets involved and let their instincts and passions take charge.
Which is exactly what makes it dangerous, when people turn off their "brains".
"While it can be titillating, choking clearly comes with some significant risks, including death. Even a little bit of oxygen deprivation can be harmful. Choking is not something you should do without discussing it seriously with your partner ahead of time and learning how to do it safely. While other forms of kink — like spanking and bondage — can be exciting, choking can be flat-out dangerous if not practiced with safety in mind. This is true whether you’re having sex with your partner or experimenting solo."
Reminds me of the Norm MacDonald bit on autoerotic asphyxiation. "Think about risk and reward here".
Obviously like most kinks there's no real rational basis, it's just that people turn off their brains when sex gets involved and let their instincts and passions take charge.
I personally think that there is a completely rational basis, but if someone who is into kink tries to explain it to someone who is not, then the non-kinky person's "brain turns off" with the sole exception of whatever part they use to be judgmental about things that they don't understand and don't WANT to understand.
Even thinking that it is necessarily about sex, shows that you don't really know jackitty squat about kink. But that's alright, most people don't...and if you don't want to, then no one needs to push that you do. But your opinions on it are somewhat limited in their real world utility, when formed in an ignorant (as in, unknowing, not as in, stupid) place. /shrug. I also don't call an accountant to fix my sink, so what right?
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Originally Posted by AnywhereElse
Which is exactly what makes it dangerous, when people turn off their "brains".
"While it can be titillating, choking clearly comes with some significant risks, including death. Even a little bit of oxygen deprivation can be harmful. Choking is not something you should do without discussing it seriously with your partner ahead of time and learning how to do it safely. While other forms of kink — like spanking and bondage — can be exciting, choking can be flat-out dangerous if not practiced with safety in mind. This is true whether you’re having sex with your partner or experimenting solo."
Bondage can be flat-out dangerous, even WHEN practiced with safety in mind. I would argue, choking as well, and I'm not really a fan in general of more than a gentle hand on the throat with no pressure, just for "the vibes" of the moment. But bondage? Bondage is serious stuff. As in, I barely want to even mess with that unless I and my partner go to a series of in person classes taught by an expert (yes, that is a thing.)
You can have permanent nerve damage or death from bondage if you don't know what you're doing. And in fact accidents causing injury have occurred even with experts involved. It's pretty, though. I have seen some very impressive human macrame projects.
Me...I enjoy recreational fire play. Setting people on fire, in ways that (if done correctly and nothing goes wrong) do not cause burns, pain or injury. One of my favorite kinds of play! Sounds nuts, though, doesn't it? It's still safer than bondage.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by TonyB83
What is the psychology of women wanting to be choked during sex?
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Originally Posted by TonyB83
I’ve found more women than not that I’ve slept with like to be choked during sex.
You aren’t dating healthy women. Is it a giant red flag for you?
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Originally Posted by TonyB83
What is the reason for that? It doesn’t seem like it’s very pleasurable.
It’s the same kind of thing with some drugs. Why do ppl do something they know is risky & dangerous that could impact their long term health or brain….or cause death. They do it anyway. It is addictive & super dysfunctional behavior.
"While it can be titillating, choking clearly comes with some significant risks, including death. Even a little bit of oxygen deprivation can be harmful. Choking is not something you should do without discussing it seriously with your partner ahead of time and learning how to do it safely. While other forms of kink — like spanking and bondage — can be exciting, choking can be flat-out dangerous if not practiced with safety in mind. This is true whether you’re having sex with your partner or experimenting solo."
Tho there is no way to deprive your brain of oxygen “safely”. That’s why accidental death or brain damage can occur. They should be asking themselves why they want to risk doing it instead of learning how.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 05-02-2023 at 02:41 PM..
You can have permanent nerve damage or death from bondage if you don't know what you're doing. And in fact accidents causing injury have occurred even with experts involved. It's pretty, though. I have seen some very impressive human macrame projects.
The thing I said earlier about wanting to shame mass-consumers of ordinary porn still applies. A lot of them would welcome it, too, I think, as a way of pumping the brakes on their addiction. Society does a disservice to people who get in over their heads with porn (or anything) if there's no consequences until they really bottom out.
I never meant or thought mere shame could apply to people sipping Chablis at upscale not-dungeons while admiring body art.
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Me...I enjoy recreational fire play. Setting people on fire, in ways that (if done correctly and nothing goes wrong) do not cause burns, pain or injury. One of my favorite kinds of play! Sounds nuts, though, doesn't it? It's still safer than bondage.
That's a new one on me. But don't tell me -- it's been around since whale oil lamps, right?
The thing I said earlier about wanting to shame mass-consumers of ordinary porn still applies. A lot of them would welcome it, too, I think, as a way of pumping the brakes on their addiction. Society does a disservice to people who get in over their heads with porn (or anything) if there's no consequences until they really bottom out.
You aren't getting where I'm coming from on that. Not even a little.
Look, some of the most overtly freaky individuals I have ever known in my life, will often upon short acquaintance say, "I went to Catholic school" (or some other religious private school.) And I always think, "Of course you did. If I had a dollar for every time..." Shame and repression does not stop people from indulging, if they are so inclined.
And in terms of sexual arousal, the pushing of the "taboo button" in the mind is a HUGE driver. So for a lot of people, shame will only drive them further into it.
What I would suggest, rather, is the gathering and sharing of credible information to prove the likelihood and prevalence of various harms, notably to one's own self, and getting out the solid message that this stuff is not without its negative effects. Along with possibly a crackdown on free product, which I think would functionally really help. If consumers of porn had to subscribe or buy content, rather than having it available widely for free, you'd probably see less exploitative material out there, more ability for authorities to track the providers and the buyers of anything truly illicit, and lower levels of overall use and abuse of it. And fewer children getting at it when they aren't even at an age that they should be thinking about such things yet.
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I never meant or thought mere shame could apply to people sipping Chablis at upscale not-dungeons while admiring body art.
LOL what?
I am a member of a club that absolutely is a dungeon space, they have weekly parties, and alcohol is strictly verboten at these events, for a number of good reasons. Also, the woman who wrote the first book in the English language on the subject of Shibari rope technique, agreed to officiate my wedding at a kink convention...unfortunately, it was scheduled for July of 2020, and so those plans did not work out. I'm still honored she agreed though.
If you are implying that we are some sort of elites, we're not. At least...most of us aren't. A few are. But if you're saying that for those who lean in and identify with kink and are into it enough to be part of organizations and things, won't be moved by shame, you would be right about that.
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That's a new one on me. But don't tell me -- it's been around since whale oil lamps, right?
I couldn't say. I know the man who taught the skill to me in his classes, the woman who taught it to him, and the man who taught it to her, and that must have been decades ago. I know that Michael Phelps swimmer guy had marks from fire cupping down his back once and all of the fire players wondered if he was just in it as a therapeutic massage technique, or if he was "one of us" on the down low. Fire cupping being a pretty common part of fire play scenes. The marks go away in a few days. They say it's an "ancient Chinese massage technique" but I honestly don't know if that's true. Westerners have for a long time had that thing of saying that anything is some esoteric woo woo Eastern secret, just to lend it some kind of mysticism or gravitas and most of the time that is BS, so I assume nothing.
Yeah I always thought that the shaming of Paul Reubens was BS. What, just because you interact with kids means you cannot be an adult in a completely compartmentalized separate space in your life? Jeez. I continued to like & support his work regardless.
When it comes to some of the ehm...items...sold at such places as you describe, I just always have this vision in my head that brings me joy and delight, of someone assaulting somebody with one of the long, woobly ones, you know...they are just so silly looking! And they actually did it in this scene in Everything, Everywhere, All At Once, where the woman is wielding them like nunchucks or something and I was so happy. It is my favorite movie ever, now, for so many reasons.
There's a scene in Sacha Baron Cohen's 'Bruno' where the homosexual title character is taking a self-defense class from a 'man's man' somewhere in the South, and he asks the guy to help him fend off d*ldo attacks from gay men, which he either claims or implies (it's been a while since I've seen the movie) are happening to him at an alarming rate...like just about everything SBC has ever done, it's pretty humorous
"While it can be titillating, choking clearly comes with some significant risks, including death. Even a little bit of oxygen deprivation can be harmful. Choking is not something you should do without discussing it seriously with your partner ahead of time and learning how to do it safely. While other forms of kink — like spanking and bondage — can be exciting, choking can be flat-out dangerous if not practiced with safety in mind. This is true whether you’re having sex with your partner or experimenting solo."
There was a case maybe a year or so here in the Buffalo area where a guy killed his girlfriend by choking her during sex. I think he was being charged with murder (whereas to me (wo)manslaughter would seem the more appropriate charge, on the surface anyway)
Just googled, and the sentencing occurred 4 years ago (so much for my recollection of a year)...the defendant got 15 years for manslaughter...not going to further research to see if the initial charge was in fact murder
There was a case maybe a year or so here in the Buffalo area where a guy killed his girlfriend by choking her during sex. I think he was being charged with murder (whereas to me (wo)manslaughter would seem the more appropriate charge, on the surface anyway)
Just googled, and the sentencing occurred 4 years ago (so much for my recollection of a year)...the defendant got 15 years for manslaughter...not going to further research to see if the initial charge was in fact murder
The owner of the club I'm involved with teaches courses for first responders, police, legal professionals and victim's advocates on what more... I dunno, healthy? Legit? BDSM is like and what it's not. A big focus is on how to see through some of these defenses when they are BS, and how to spot actual predators and abusers who try to operate using kink for cover.
I've been part of committees working consent violations cases in the community to the extent that we at least police what goes on, unofficially, at the club and with regional organizations. Banning certain offenders, meditating what are more accurately relationship disputes at times, even showing up in court to support victims of wrongdoing.
I dunno, it's not perfect. I like to think it's something. Maybe more helpful than burying it all in shame and stigma and hoping it just goes away.
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