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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Veritas Vincit
Reminds me of the Norm MacDonald bit on autoerotic asphyxiation. "Think about risk and reward here".
They know the risk but they ignore it. So you can tell just how emotionally unstable they must be because anyone who is mentally healthy & thinking about the risk isn’t going to do it.
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Originally Posted by Veritas Vincit
Obviously like most kinks there's no real rational basis, it's just that people turn off their brains when sex gets involved and let their instincts and passions take charge.
Tho IMO, it’s not passion or instinct. It’s mental instability. It’s not normal to risk your health or life for sex.
They know the risk but they ignore it. So you can tell just how emotionally unstable they must be because anyone who is mentally healthy & thinking about the risk isn’t going to do it.
Tho IMO, it’s not passion or instinct. It’s mental instability. It’s not normal to risk your health or life for sex.
For once I at least partially agree with you, at least that no one should be risking their life or health for sex.
We will not agree on such distinctions as the difference between "hurt" and "harm." Although anyone who gets body mods of any kind, including tattoos, piercings (including basic ear piercings, which can get infected), elective and cosmetic surgery, ought to understand the concept of doing a thing that could cause you harm, and that does or might cause you pain, for a reason that seems frivolous to some.
I mean, really, is fashion a stronger justification for something like that, than sex, or even an enjoyable but non-sexual experience, a neurochemical high or an activity that the individual finds subjectively rewarding in some way?
It does not make sense to you...but no one really needs it to. How about the martial artists and athletes that push their bodies to extremes and endure tremendous pain to achieve the state they want to be in? Is that mental illness as well? What about football and boxing? Justifiable serious injury and death, because...competition and entertainment have some intrinsic value? Human beings do a lot of such things, or at least some do, and the rest of us sit back and think, "well...ok for them, I guess. I wouldn't." I mean I sure as hell would not risk serious lifelong debilitation, traumatic brain injury or death for a mere sport.
But...as for mental illness and BDSM in general, I will take the words of experts over yours.
But I still think that it is critically important for the minority who are interested in such things to learn how to be safe and what they should and shouldn't do, and some activities (arguably, choking being one) are unsafe enough that people should find alternatives instead.
And porn is not doing anybody in the kink-curious world any favors.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,573,025 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Muffinpuncher
Dumb on every level, with the obvious implications of false claims latter being made.
It seems dumb to mentally healthy ppl, but they aren’t healthy. It’s an uncontrollable impulse. They need help.
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Originally Posted by TonyB83
What is the psychology of women wanting to be choked during sex?
Paraphilic disorders are more psychiatry than psychology when an unhealthy sexual aim intensifies & increases, kind of like a worsening addiction. They find it more & more difficult to have sexual release any other way. They ignore the risk, just like in other paraphilic disorders. Auto erotic asphyxiation has a diagnosis in the DSM 5 under sexual masochism….a paraphilic disorder.
IMO, you can’t understand it or know what caused it in the women you talk about in your O.P. But ofc, sexual pleasure shouldn’t be about cutting off oxygen to the brain & the risk of brain damage or death. It’s common sense.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 05-03-2023 at 10:48 AM..
You aren't getting where I'm coming from on that. Not even a little.
I'm at the point where I'm going to agree to disagree. I am not trying to convince you of anything; just speaking my mind on the subject. The OP stated that he sleeps with more women than not, who like to be choked during sex. I think he may be telling the truth, and that's a concern to me. I think too many young people see risky porn stuff and decide to try it out for themselves while only considering the reward and not the risk.
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Look, some of the most overtly freaky individuals I have ever known in my life, will often upon short acquaintance say, "I went to Catholic school" (or some other religious private school.) And I always think, "Of course you did. If I had a dollar for every time..." Shame and repression does not stop people from indulging, if they are so inclined.
And in terms of sexual arousal, the pushing of the "taboo button" in the mind is a HUGE driver. So for a lot of people, shame will only drive them further into it.
Interesting. If porn is taboo, yes a certain subset of potential over-consumers wants it more. But I think more over-consumers will over-consume, and reckless practices will increase if it's freely available with no strings attached. BTW the "I went to Catholic school" excuse is past its shelf life. They don't even have nuns anymore, and gay students are out of the closet.
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What I would suggest, rather, is the gathering and sharing of credible information to prove the likelihood and prevalence of various harms, notably to one's own self, and getting out the solid message that this stuff is not without its negative effects. Along with possibly a crackdown on free product, which I think would functionally really help. If consumers of porn had to subscribe or buy content, rather than having it available widely for free, you'd probably see less exploitative material out there, more ability for authorities to track the providers and the buyers of anything truly illicit, and lower levels of overall use and abuse of it. And fewer children getting at it when they aren't even at an age that they should be thinking about such things yet.
I'll take that.
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LOL what?
I am a member of a club that absolutely is a dungeon space, they have weekly parties, and alcohol is strictly verboten at these events, for a number of good reasons. Also, the woman who wrote the first book in the English language on the subject of Shibari rope technique, agreed to officiate my wedding at a kink convention...unfortunately, it was scheduled for July of 2020, and so those plans did not work out. I'm still honored she agreed though.
If you are implying that we are some sort of elites, we're not. At least...most of us aren't. A few are. But if you're saying that for those who lean in and identify with kink and are into it enough to be part of organizations and things, won't be moved by shame, you would be right about that.
No offense intended; my mind filled in a picture that was inaccurate. But again, your kind of folk aren't the ones I'm concerned about.
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I couldn't say. I know the man who taught the skill to me in his classes, the woman who taught it to him, and the man who taught it to her, and that must have been decades ago. I know that Michael Phelps swimmer guy had marks from fire cupping down his back once and all of the fire players wondered if he was just in it as a therapeutic massage technique, or if he was "one of us" on the down low. Fire cupping being a pretty common part of fire play scenes. The marks go away in a few days. They say it's an "ancient Chinese massage technique" but I honestly don't know if that's true. Westerners have for a long time had that thing of saying that anything is some esoteric woo woo Eastern secret, just to lend it some kind of mysticism or gravitas and most of the time that is BS, so I assume nothing.
… I know that Michael Phelps swimmer guy had marks from fire cupping down his back once and all of the fire players wondered if he was just in it as a therapeutic massage technique, or if he was "one of us" on the down low. Fire cupping being a pretty common part of fire play scenes. The marks go away in a few days. They say it's an "ancient Chinese massage technique" but I honestly don't know if that's true. Westerners have for a long time had that thing of saying that anything is some esoteric woo woo Eastern secret, just to lend it some kind of mysticism or gravitas and most of the time that is BS, so I assume nothing.
But it does feel nice.
Cupping until relatively recently was one of the most used medical treatments for respiratory diseases like bronchitis and pneumonia - in the absence of antibiotics as well as some other ailments
It stimulates the immune system via increased blood flow towards the lungs, chest to help the body to fight the disease.
Obviously, there is no conclusive scientific data, but only hundreds of years of empirical use.
Perhaps could be tried today in treatment of viral pneumonia? Or antibiotics resistant pneumonia?
It won’t do any harm…
The glass cups was a part of every rural doctor medical case they carried
Now a lot of modern athletes discover these ancient techniques - you could see it extensively in sports where bodies are exposed - like swimmers or sumo wrestlers, etc.
Probably more athletes are using it - but it is more discrete under the clothing
It isn’t about sexual kinks, though I guess it could be as you demonstrate
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,573,025 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by norman_w
I don't believe it. Thats a gay male thing.
Well…one paraphilic disorder that is common in women is sexual masochism, but you’re right that Sexual Masochism Disorder WITH asphyxiophilia is seen a lot more in men than women.
Paraphilic disorders per the DSM V require that the person experience "distress or dysfunction." If you have neither, you have no disorder.
Just like a person who proclaims themselves to be "addicted to chocolate" because they just enjoy it a whole lot, is not usually any sort of a real addict at all because they are not in fact under an uncontrollable compulsion to sicken themselves with it, they aren't missing work because they have to sit at home eating chocolate all day, they are not late on rent because they spent all of their money on chocolate.
Real addiction involves distress and dysfunction.
It is the difference between being justifiably and temporarily sad like a normal person, and having depression. Between being a normal kind of nervous for some reason and having anxiety.
It's the line one has to cross in order to be considered unwell. Distress and/or dysfunction.
If you are perfectly functional and not distressed, as most people who practice various kinks (especially, I'd argue, those who find the resources to mitigate risk...which let's face it, comes with ALL SEX thanks to some rather pernicious viruses and the hazards involved in pregnancy and childbearing)...then you don't have a disorder.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jtab4994
I'm at the point where I'm going to agree to disagree. I am not trying to convince you of anything; just speaking my mind on the subject. The OP stated that he sleeps with more women than not, who like to be choked during sex. I think he may be telling the truth, and that's a concern to me.
This OP's posts are usually centered around his sister being with a man who hits her, and generally invite in depth sharing of other abuse victims' stories, and are typically pinned to opinions of a woman who would permit abuse...(kinda victim blamey at times)... and I've expressed that I feel there is something "off" but the last time I said anything of the sort, he got very upset with me. So I feel that my "concern" is unwanted by the likes of him. This, though, if I am just speculating, could be some new effort to open a big ol' conversation of "Some women seem to want to be hurt! Discuss!" I don't know what is going on but it feels like a theme.
Or maybe he's being 100% genuine in all of it. But if one is encountering a same thing over and over, a pattern...I would suggest that there is a common denominator. I could get some concern about very young women, teens and barely-adults, picking up influences from porn and from boys, and thinking they need to be "game" to try things that they are not into, but I don't feel that there's a huge prevalence of women genuinely into this in the overall population. And I feel that once women cross out of impressionable youth...one ought not to be encountering tons of women claiming to want a thing they actually don't.
tl;dr of that... Damned if I know what's going on with the OP and the women he's encountering. But if he's being straight with us here, then I don't recommend he gives these gals what they say they want.
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I think too many young people see risky porn stuff and decide to try it out for themselves while only considering the reward and not the risk.
I think you might be right. But I did not have the impression that the OP is high school or even college age. I dunno.
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Interesting. If porn is taboo, yes a certain subset of potential over-consumers wants it more. But I think more over-consumers will over-consume, and reckless practices will increase if it's freely available with no strings attached. BTW the "I went to Catholic school" excuse is past its shelf life. They don't even have nuns anymore, and gay students are out of the closet.
RE the Catholic school thing, I'll grant you I am not talking about very young people. I'm talking about my peers in...I guess their 30s to 50s. Or so. It's just something I've run into many times throughout my life. (I'm 44.)
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I'll take that.
No offense intended; my mind filled in a picture that was inaccurate. But again, your kind of folk aren't the ones I'm concerned about.
Appreciate the clarification. Tell ya something though. There are ideas I first encountered among the weirdos of my "kind" that have been leaking out into the mainstream from various channels and I don't feel like that is a bad thing.
To a great extent, the specific activities one wishes to get up to DON'T MATTER. They are all just personal preference. Some of the things that I've seen at events are shocking and some are incredibly tame (like cuddling, massage. And I don't mean as foreplay, but as an activity in and of itself.) The important stuff, the real value, in my thinking, is in promotion of a culture of communication and informed consent. I wish that everyone felt fully able to discuss what they want and don't, be genuine about that, feel no need to either manipulate to get their needs met, or to go along with anything when they don't want to. That people felt comfortable saying no, and comfortable HEARING no.
For every party I've been to, there have been at least several discussion groups or educational events, where we talked a lot about all of that. And since I got into this after my divorce when I also had dabbled in online dating... It was such a huge contrast to the games and assumptions so thick with what I'd call "mainstream dating culture."
So I'm over here like... It should not require potentially dangerous, or even weird, activities...in order to get people to just talk to each other and respect one another's actual needs and wants...so I've tried to at times detach the philosophy of it from the activities, and share the first if not the second with other people.
So like I would say, for instance, those links I shared above where some studies claim that practitioners are at least as mentally healthy if not more so, than the general population...I can buy that, but chicken and egg, though? I think it has less to do with the specific whatever things they are into, and more to do with the research and learning and "culture" that often comes to those who get into stuff...they want to learn more so they find all of this, right, and then they learn these various communication tools and philosophies, and use them to build happier and more fulfilling relationships.
So...why can't everyone? With or without the toys and outfits?
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Sounds good. Enjoy.
Thanks, I guarantee that I will.
But I just want to say that there are points where I think I agree with even those like yourself who are not necessarily of a more kink-tolerant mindset... I honestly think that there have been a lot of very troubling effects of the internet.
Maybe programming our brains to expect constant instant gratification, and zero boredom, all the time...I dunno, I feel like many people have big struggles with impulse control, critical thinking including risk assessment, and mental health in the sense that yeah, in the territory of distress and dysfunction. People just kinda disconnecting from reality too much or something. I know I'm getting vague, but it's bigger than this one thing, it's a bunch of things, that feel connected and worrying when looked at as a whole, you know?
To a great extent, the specific activities one wishes to get up to DON'T MATTER. They are all just personal preference. Some of the things that I've seen at events are shocking and some are incredibly tame (like cuddling, massage. And I don't mean as foreplay, but as an activity in and of itself.) The important stuff, the real value, in my thinking, is in promotion of a culture of communication and informed consent. I wish that everyone felt fully able to discuss what they want and don't, be genuine about that, feel no need to either manipulate to get their needs met, or to go along with anything when they don't want to. That people felt comfortable saying no, and comfortable HEARING no.
As someone who's on the completely vanilla end of the spectrum here, I totally agree with this. I think I was the one who brought up porn in this thread--not because I think porn or kinks are bad, but because in the scope of this thread, there are people who may see things online or in other media and think, "I guess this is what I'm supposed to do and what I'm supposed to want..." As you say, if you're not into things, you should be able to say no and move on, and if you are, you have to consider consent and safety as part of the whole picture.
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They know the risk but they ignore it. So you can tell just how emotionally unstable they must be because anyone who is mentally healthy & thinking about the risk isn’t going to do it.
that have been leaking out into the mainstream from various channels and I don't feel like that is a bad thing. 