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apparently, with women, being choked enhances the orgasm...well...it apparently causes some women to ejaculate, and the ejaculation enhances the orgasm.
“US study found that 58% of female college students have been choked during sex, further suggesting that this “kink” is becoming increasingly common in younger age demographics. This study found that while many women enjoyed choking, others did it largely to please their sexual partner. This is the real kicker.”
I’m not sure why a man would do this even if a woman liked it.
I’m not sure why a man would do this even if a woman liked it.
One of the reasons is that a lot of young men have seen lots of porn long before they ever actually touch a woman, so it might take time for them to recalibrate to what an actual woman might want.
One of the reasons is that a lot of young men have seen lots of porn long before they ever actually touch a woman, so it might take time for them to recalibrate to what an actual woman might want.
Yes! I agree!
What they see in a porn movie is not always really done (lots of fake there) or liked by the women.
Many women take some drugs, pain killers and numbing gels to endure the abuse.
But very often what you see is not real.
Even porn’s defenders admit that. The porn-friendly site Sexpertzone.com feels the need to post a guide on why you most decidedly should not reenact that which you see in porn! For health reasons! For reasons of respect for your sex partner(s)! You can find those guidelines here: sexpertzone.com.
Strangulation during sex has become so common that young people are being led to believe it is a safe and normal part of intimacy, but many are unaware of its serious dangers, from permanent brain injury to accidental death.
Yes, death can happen!
That's especially a risk if things devolve into violent strangulation, aka squeezing or constricting of the neck. Also if they have certain pre-existing medical conditions—including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, cerebral aneurysms, and carotid fatty deposits—they're particularly vulnerable to dangerous, even fatal, results.
I am into BDSM and for me, an extremely important part has been finding community with people who talk about safety, risk, what methods cause real danger and how to "play" in ways that get the same desired result with less hazard and peril to life, limb and eyesight, less risk of unintended and/or permanent injury. The ethical frameworks of risk awareness and risk mitigation have been a crucial part of my enthusiastic involvement in this whole thing. And I have pointed at this in many a discussion with "vanilla" people as to why certain things are perhaps not as bad or scary as they would likely assume and think.
My son came to me and told me that a girl he was dating in high school wanted him to choke her. We sat down and had a long talk about the likely risks and hazards. And that while there is a "best practice"...it's not risk free. He ended up deciding that he didn't want to risk it.
If I had just said, "omg that's so degrading and icky and gross and bad, why would she!? why would you!? no son of mine!!" while clutching pearls and being just another outraged parent reacting to their kid... He would have immediately felt like, "Mom just doesn't get it" and he probably would have just done it.
So. There's that.
But today I am in an argument that I cannot freaking BELIEVE that I'm having, with someone I thought I could respect in the community. She runs a club in another city, I've known her for years. She is a controversial figure but I always wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt when she claimed that allegations against her were more a matter of drama and scene politics... I'm going to put this in a spoiler box because there is some description of an abuse case and some may find it uncomfortable to read (nothing sexually graphic though...just, this is like a trigger warning out of courtesy here.)
She shared an article about a court case in Alaska.
Spoiler
A woman had just had her fourth baby some 3 weeks prior (by c-section if it matters but whatever) and her older daughter told a school counselor that she was worried about Mom because Mom was lying on the couch not moving with blood coming out of her ear and bruises on her face. The claim here being put forth by both the wife and the husband was that he was innocent of her assault (despite the fact she had a freaking brain bleed from being punched in the face!) because it was all part of consensual sex activities. She wanted him to do what he did to her, he was avoiding her torso because she'd had the c-section but she wanted the levels of impact and pain and he was only doing to her what she wanted...so it was consensual "rough play" and not assault.
I'm sorry but HELL NO. On a couple of big levels here. I do not for one second believe that anyone should be engaging in the kind of "play" that has such a high degree of risk:
1. In the altered mental capacity of post-partum state (muddles one's capacity to consent)
2. With a partner who is not mitigating risk of serious life threatening injury
3. With a partner who isn't getting her medical attention if this was accidental
4. Causing serious visible injury that their children will see and be terrified and traumatized about
It's horrifying.
And for this woman to react like, "good thing they had a BDSM expert testifying and I'm glad he didn't go to jail, because accidents happen and what they consent to is their business"... I was like are you effing SERIOUS right now???
And her take on the very dangerous and injurious activity described has me now seriously questioning her character and everything I thought I knew about this woman.
(To be clear, she isn't involved in the story above. She shared it on social media and she thinks that it's good that the person was cleared of charges. I disagree...rather vehemently.)
So yeah, unfortunately there are some differences of opinion among people who get up to various activities and it really is up to each of us to talk to people before we have sexual activities and be clear about what we are and aren't OK with doing.
Porn definitely is NOT like reality.
And way too easy access to even really kinky content online...may have younger people who have not connected with anyone to teach them the ethics of it (which at minimum should include a serious conversation about what you are going to do and what you won't do)...thinking that it's OK to just jump in and try something like choking that is actually dangerous.
I am personally very strict about best practices for risk mitigation. If I don't know ALL about something, I'm not going anywhere near it. I mean, they sell pretty colored rope at the adult stores now since 50 stupid Shades came out, and who is teaching all of those couples trying to "spice it up" that rope has statistically the highest chance of causing accidental injury or death, of any kind of kink play there is? Who is teaching them the methods to avoid permanent nerve damage from tying someone too tightly or in a bad position? No one. Porn sure as hell isn't going to teach you any safety stuff.
See porn IS harmful. Whenver someone talks about regulating it people freak out about muh freedom. Yes it's impossible to fully ban or regulate it online but it can be made much less available and maybe there should be some stigma attached to it, especially the violent type. Nothing wrong with BDSM done responsibly (Sonic) but porn doesn't roll that way, it's the wild west and the people who produce it tend to be Weinstein types who couldn't care less about responsibility, just pushing the envelope. Some have been busted for tricking and trafficking minors.
I sometimes am so surprised how many people (well, men) know the names of all these porn stars, and their stories. Like is this that much of a hobby or obsession for you that you have stats and bios like with sports stars?
Just seems like something that has gone too far.... enough to be harmful to people mentally and physically. Maybe there should be a course- "how to enjoy porn responsibly". Maybe don't obsess, don't take it too seriously, and if you start to get desensitized time to slow down or stop.
See porn IS harmful. Whenver someone talks about regulating it people freak out about muh freedom. Yes it's impossible to fully ban or regulate it online but it can be made much less available and maybe there should be some stigma attached to it, especially the violent type. Nothing wrong with BDSM done responsibly (Sonic) but porn doesn't roll that way, it's the wild west and the people who produce it tend to be Weinstein types who couldn't care less about responsibility, just pushing the envelope. Some have been busted for tricking and trafficking minors.
I sometimes am so surprised how many people (well, men) know the names of all these porn stars, and their stories. Like is this that much of a hobby or obsession for you that you have stats and bios like with sports stars?
Just seems like something that has gone too far.... enough to be harmful to people mentally and physically. Maybe there should be a course- "how to enjoy porn responsibly". Maybe don't obsess, don't take it too seriously, and if you start to get desensitized time to slow down or stop.
In all honesty I think that I'm less upset if a man knows some background on a given "porn star" because at least he's seeing a little more of their humanity than just a sex unit on a screen. And if they have written books, done interviews, and put more content out there than just the porn, then I feel there is less chance that they are trafficked or it's revenge porn or they are secretly underage (teens) or what have you.
I've met a few of them at conventions. And I think that it would surprise a lot of people how happy and grounded they seem to be. But the ones I have met are making content that is not out there for free. You have to pay to subscribe to it or purchase it. Like the stuff they used to produce out of the old Armory building in San Francisco. What is wild about that...I just looked up the building to see if for sure I was remembering correctly what it was called, and it is owned by a huge property management company now and their website has really whitewashed the history of the building and the things it's been used for. That's kinda funny to me.
But I dunno, I have some internal conflicts about the subject. I am all for people making it if they really want to and it makes them happy. I am also theoretically for the freedom of those who want to view it, if they are adults and they are able to make sure that what they're getting is shall we say, "ethically sourced." But yes, there is soooo much abuse that goes on in that industry. And I've known men who really damaged their ability to enjoy normal sexual responses to real life activities by programming their bodies and minds to respond to porn. And as we're talking about here, there is also the issue of guys learning to do things that women don't actually respond to, and young women internalizing that guys will find it hot if they engage in certain activities, even if they don't actually enjoy them or truly want to.
And at just a personal, visceral level...I can't enjoy porn. I have tried. I've had men in my life, and friends, even women I know, who love it. I can not get into it. It's the most un-sexy stuff to me, no matter what they are doing. I've been to parties and seen real things happening and been filled with a sense of joy and wellbeing at just the energy of people in the room experiencing pleasure but strangers on a cold screen.... Might as well watch a documentary about a machine doing repetitive movements. There's just nothing in it that pushes any buttons other than boredom and cringe for me. (The cringe being at the sheer awful absurdity of the bad, unsexy dialogue and awkward positions and things like that.) I just can't. /shrug
I get more out of a well acted scene of non-graphic passionate against-a-wall smooching in a mainstream film, than I do out of porn. Maybe emotionality and humanity get me going more than just basic animal reproductive motions and repetitive annoying moans, I dunno.
Yes! I agree!
What they see in a porn movie is not always really done (lots of fake there) or liked by the women.
Many women take some drugs, pain killers and numbing gels to endure the abuse.
...
Just FYI there's plenty of porn -- and I mean plenty -- where the dude is the one getting slapped around et cetera (without going into a lot of detail).
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
See porn IS harmful. Whenver someone talks about regulating it people freak out about muh freedom. Yes it's impossible to fully ban or regulate it online but it can be made much less available and maybe there should be some stigma attached to it, especially the violent type. ...
Agree 100%. I may be old fashioned, but where's the fun in watching porn if you can do so non-stop and without having to sneak off to the bad part of town? It really is way too available and that often means overconsumption. In fact a lot of things should have the stigma reattached but that's another subject...
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