Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Better not talk about that lest you may be "diagnosing" people you don't know.
As someone who struggles with things I've heard all this. To be honest a lot of people seem lazy to me and have different priorities. I have to do things myself a lot or they are not done right. I have been working many hours a day on a long term project and I told people I would be doing this so I would not be able to socialize for some time. They are still calling and saying not to "do so much" and to "take a break". I would not be able to enjoy socializing now and I do feel better when things I need to tackle are being tackled hard, even if I am tired and stressed at the time. It's a matter of priorities. I don't tell others not to work hard, not to play hard, that they need to chill or relax or do this or that, or that pushing yourself is bad - I don't think it is. Let them do what they need to do.
I wonder if this is all about the toxic positivity thing on the other thread. Guy is challenging himself, talks about what happened (he didn't complete it or failed) OP thinks -BAD- and looks for a problem.
I have a brother who is mildly autistic and lost my best childhood friend to OCD. I'm quite familiar with their behaviors and how they impact others. In my brother's case, he often can't help himself from saying something that is borderline inappropriate and does not come across well to his audience. He is overly sarcastic and emotionally detached, but thinks he's being funny, pleasant, perfectly polite. My friend just stopped going anywhere, especially during and after the pandemic. Ever seen the movie, The Aviator? My friend is a close resemblance to the sort of unraveling that Howard Hughes endured. He is 40, never been with a romantic partner, and lives at home and takes care of his mother. These days, he's basically a recluse who only leaves for the occasional grocery run. The sad thing is that, early on, he used to communicate that this was not the life he wanted to lead, but it's the life that his OCD has imprisoned him in.
If you truly think you suffer from these conditions, then you should seek help and get a diagnosis from a medical professional rather than attempt to normalize it on the internet. It's not normal, and it's certainly not healthy, for you or those who are personally impacted by it, especially to do nothing about it.
I don't think life is supposed to be easy. I also don't think it's supposed to be impossible.
Struggling is not necessarily a sign of mental illness, but it could be. Depends on the subject. Aspies and others on the spectrum tend to struggle with social and interpersonal situations, especially those pertaining to EQ. Depressed, anxious, and OCD people, too.
I think that's very much in line with a psychiatric viewpoint with a few exceptions. Does it really matter how many diagnoses a person carries if they, themselves, are content with their life?
I like to think that's the very definition of success from a psychological perspective.
I think that's very much in line with a psychiatric viewpoint with a few exceptions. Does it really matter how many diagnoses a person carries if they, themselves, are content with their life?
I like to think that's the very definition of success from a psychological perspective.
IF they are content with their life. That is a very big IF.
I would argue that the restrictions and imbalances that their conditions impose on them often inhibit their happiness and satisfaction.
For instance, my brother's awkwardness often inhibits him from socially acclimating. This has hampered his career severely. As a result, he often works multiple, laborious jobs in order to make ends meet. He is not happy about that at all. In fact, he often expresses his dissatisfaction and overall depressed mood. He turns to heavy drinking to cope, which brings out a lot of rage and emotional backlash.
My best friend used to go into detail how even the most minor decision would require hours, days, and weeks of back and forth deliberation. I would see him work through the most basic tasks and see how frustrated and worked up he'd become over it when I could have finished it in 5 minutes. It is absolutely crippling. I also don't think it was his life's dream to live at home with his mother and never find a partner.
But, but, otter, sometimes people are so self-preoccupied they need a good dose of reality. They can only see how things are affecting them and don't realize that things aren't all negative, maybe better or also worse for others.
I'll bet that woman who killed her best friend in a drunken accident at the wedding would call anyone who confronted her complaining about little inconveniences she's experiencing "toxic."
Could there be people who enjoy feeling sorry for themselves who are offended when someone spoils the mood? I think so.
IF they are content with their life. That is a very big IF.
I would argue that the restrictions and imbalances that their conditions impose on them often inhibit their happiness and satisfaction.
For instance, my brother's awkwardness often inhibits him from socially acclimating. This has hampered his career severely. As a result, he often works multiple, laborious jobs in order to make ends meet. He is not happy about that at all. In fact, he often expresses his dissatisfaction and overall depressed mood. He turns to heavy drinking to cope, which brings out a lot of rage and emotional backlash.
My best friend used to go into detail how even the most minor decision would require hours, days, and weeks of back and forth deliberation. I would see him work through the most basic tasks and see how frustrated and worked up he'd become over it when I could have finished it in 5 minutes. It is absolutely crippling. I also don't think it was his life's dream to live at home with his mother and never find a partner.
So that means that your brother isn't one of those people, right?
I have a brother who is mildly autistic and lost my best childhood friend to OCD. I'm quite familiar with their behaviors and how they impact others. In my brother's case, he often can't help himself from saying something that is borderline inappropriate and does not come across well to his audience. He is overly sarcastic and emotionally detached, but thinks he's being funny, pleasant, perfectly polite. My friend just stopped going anywhere, especially during and after the pandemic. Ever seen the movie, The Aviator? My friend is a close resemblance to the sort of unraveling that Howard Hughes endured. He is 40, never been with a romantic partner, and lives at home and takes care of his mother. These days, he's basically a recluse who only leaves for the occasional grocery run. The sad thing is that, early on, he used to communicate that this was not the life he wanted to lead, but it's the life that his OCD has imprisoned him in.
If you truly think you suffer from these conditions, then you should seek help and get a diagnosis from a medical professional rather than attempt to normalize it on the internet. It's not normal, and it's certainly not healthy, for you or those who are personally impacted by it, especially to do nothing about it.
I didn't mean that I have those issues, maybe a bit of OCD, not so bad. But that I have been told that doing A B or C is "too hard" and why are you doing that type of thing, instead of this easier or fun type of thing. I really WANT to do what I'm doing, it is part of personal empowerment and not just going along with the crowd. I'm very DIY and happy with it but it comes with frustrations and challenges. I stopped enjoying the typical leisure stuff, and it being Memorial day weekend there is a lot of this going on right now, and enjoy my own brand of hobbies and leisure. It is not everyone's cup of tea. I may end up kind of a recluse because of it because few people like to work hard anymore not because I don't want to be social. But don't want to be told I'm wrong about how I choose to spend my time.
I didn't envision this either, but I don't enjoy what I did years ago, so I've changed. My old life seems more self indulgent and pointless and kind of empty. Also time has changed things a lot, my former interests and hobbies have faded, it's quite different now and not interesting anymore.
The people mentioned in the post you responded to.
"I think that's very much in line with a psychiatric viewpoint with a few exceptions. Does it really matter how many diagnoses a person carries if they, themselves, are content with their life?
I like to think that's the very definition of success from a psychological perspective."
I didn't mean that I have those issues, maybe a bit of OCD, not so bad. But that I have been told that doing A B or C is "too hard" and why are you doing that type of thing, instead of this easier or fun type of thing. I really WANT to do what I'm doing, it is part of personal empowerment and not just going along with the crowd. I'm very DIY and happy with it but it comes with frustrations and challenges. I stopped enjoying the typical leisure stuff, and it being Memorial day weekend there is a lot of this going on right now, and enjoy my own brand of hobbies and leisure. It is not everyone's cup of tea. I may end up kind of a recluse because of it because few people like to work hard anymore not because I don't want to be social. But don't want to be told I'm wrong about how I choose to spend my time.
I didn't envision this either, but I don't enjoy what I did years ago, so I've changed. My old life seems more self indulgent and pointless and kind of empty. Also time has changed things a lot, my former interests and hobbies have faded, it's quite different now and not interesting anymore.
If you are genuinely happy, and it's not covering for some deep-seated, undiagnosed condition, then I don't know of any reason why you should stop.
The reason I mention my OCD friend is because he often avoided certain activities, especially those that involved socializing with the public (bars, restaurants, movies, concerts, sporting events, etc). This was a slow accumulation over time, but it became noticeably worse the past five years with the pandemic and the passing of his father. It didn't come out until the last few years that his avoidance of certain activities was often a cover for his OCD-related feelings. I'm not saying that's the same thing going on with you, just noting the similarities.
For starters, I've never known him to have any "fun" hobbies that are common to most people. He doesn't travel, read for enjoyment, listen to music, watch TV/movies, watch sports, play games, etc. If he's not working, then he's exercising, reading for education, or working on complex computer programs. I get the impression that he engages in most of his free-time activities more because he feels obligated to be constantly improving, rather than because they make him happy. And while there's nothing wrong with any of this, it's rare that he seems to get much enjoyment out of it.
This post is old, old news for me. My family of origin, while I was growing up, was a spitting image of this Stan guy. In fact, "fun" and "entertainment" were dirty words in my family. Any outing as a family had to be "productive" somehow. So, weekend fun with my parents consisted of things like cleaning the house together, going to the gym or the park to exercise, signing me up for a class of some sort, or shopping at Ikea. Getting my parents to do something "real fun", rather than "productive fun", was like pulling teeth. Once a month or less, they took me to a museum, a Christmas display downtown, or even the city zoo, but they probably justified it as "educational". And doing more than one "fun" thing in a single weekend was a HUGE no-no. Having pure unadulterated fun just wasn't a thing in my family. Even restaurants were limited to sporadic birthdays and honor roll rewards; ordering a cake or a meal for takeout was far more common.
Perhaps this was a hypertrophied Puritan work ethic on my parents' part. Or Covid-19 decades before its time. I don't remember them hosting or attending dinner parties, or doing other events people their age (and now my age) normally do. Needless to say, when I moved out at age 19, I really made up for lost time. In fact, I didn't stop doing so until maybe a year ago, when I chilled out due to getting old. I think my parents and Stan would get along really well.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 05-26-2023 at 10:43 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
