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Maybe OP's friend doesn't "enjoy" life (not everyone does, believe it or not), but it sounds like he's at least making use of his life. I'm still curious what kind of "fun" the OP has that he feels his friend doesn't and should.
It is a common human belief that the things which make us happy should make others happy as well.
We are unable to see outside of our own reality or take it all that seriously.
To some extent, I guess we need a common understanding about things for a society to function properly.
The only thing he ever talks about listening to is public radio. I think he goes to the symphony once in a while, be he's never once mentioned to listening to music on his own. If you mention any popular recording artist, he probably won't know who you're talking about. In fact, he's told me several times about the day he tried to buy a car and asked if he could get one without a radio.
This is something I said in my OP, which apparently has been interpreted as me wanting to "fix" my friend. All I said here was that a few people suggested to our friend -- who is not retired yet -- that he think about how he'd like to spend his extra free time in retirement. No specific suggestions were given. How exactly is that trying to FIX him?
I've never said one word to this guy to suggest he should live his life differently, and I never intended to. I'm just trying to gain some perspective and in some ways, this discussion has started to help me do that.
You see, he DOES listen to music, unlike your statement in your OP. He goes to the symphony. He may also listen to music on the radio...you just say that all he's spoken about is listening to is public radio. I listen to music on the radio in my car all the time, but I can't think of a time I discussed that with anyone. Why would I? That'd be like telling someone that I took a shower that morning. It's so mundane and not a topic of conversation. But I wouldn't have much in common w/someone who doesn't love music, so I agree w/you on that, to some extent. Music is so integral to my life that life would be meaningless w/o it. Humans have been making music and enjoying it for eons. I love music & listen to it frequently...in the car, on Youtube. I also love dancing to it while cleaning house.
I think you find his retirement plans odd because they aren't the plans that you have. To each his own. I find his plans to be common. I think some people look forward to retirement so they can sit around and eat and play games. I think they THINK they'd like that, but it would become boring soon. Dreams of sleeping late and padding around the house in a bathrobe half the day, then getting dressed and hitting the sports bars isn't my idea of an interesting or fun retirement. I don't happen to like traveling, like most other people. I had to travel some in my work. I travel well, since I expect problems along the way, but that doesn't mean I like it. I also live alone, so traveling alone seems lonely to me. I've never been on a vacation, even. I took days off work but had to care for pets, my house, grocery shop, etc. I used vacation days to go visit relatives out of state. My family didn't go on vacations or travel, when I was a child. So it's not a natural thing for me. It's also expensive, and I'd worry about leaving my home unattended. Instead, I get joy out of growing blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, watermelon, and beautiful flowers. To each his own. We all find joy in different ways. I still wake up early. I love the morning hours. I don't want to sleep my life away. I would like to play board games, though. It's a pity I don't know anyone who also likes that. I grew up playing games w/my sisters. I miss that. And because of my lifestyle, I enjoy near perfect health, though I'm in my late 60s....and I have the same figure I had when I was 20. This won't last forever, but I'm alone among seniors I know who takes no medication and has no health condition other than mild arthritis. I know several who've developed drinking or substance abuse issues, have had significant health issues, look older than their years, and have gained a lot of weight. A man I was dating that I'd known decades ago, had gotten an enormous belly so that he looked like he was about to give birth to twins...and was usually drinking when I saw him. Another man called me to go out...he was drunk. They were using their retirement to party. I went thru my party phase when I was 20-something...such that I'm lucky to be alive. No, thank you. Been there, done that.
The only thing he ever talks about listening to is public radio. I think he goes to the symphony once in a while, be he's never once mentioned to listening to music on his own. If you mention any popular recording artist, he probably won't know who you're talking about.
I consider classical music to be among the highest forms of music. So, this sounds perfectly normal to me.
I think you should seek out friends who share more of your interests. You might want to try facebook groups. But keep in mind that nobody is going to be exactly like you.
He told me that he's attempted countless times to take online programming classes but is rarely able to complete them. He is very interested in programming, and does it often in his spare time, but talks about it like it's a supreme challenge. My perception is that he chooses to work on things that are beyond his skill level, and I feel like he would benefit from taking easier classes and working his way up to the more challenging ones.
The only thing he ever talks about listening to is public radio. I think he goes to the symphony once in a while, be he's never once mentioned to listening to music on his own. If you mention any popular recording artist, he probably won't know who you're talking about. In fact, he's told me several times about the day he tried to buy a car and asked if he could get one without a radio.
This is something I said in my OP, which apparently has been interpreted as me wanting to "fix" my friend. All I said here was that a few people suggested to our friend -- who is not retired yet -- that he think about how he'd like to spend his extra free time in retirement. No specific suggestions were given. How exactly is that trying to FIX him?
I've never said one word to this guy to suggest he should live his life differently, and I never intended to. I'm just trying to gain some perspective and in some ways, this discussion has started to help me do that.
Ok this guy's gotta be on the spectrum?? Sounds like a few engineers I know. NPR and everything.
Don't sweat the criticism and misinterpretation of info you are receiving here, that is simply the course of many threads on CD. You were pretty clear you're not trying to fix the guy.
If he is on the spectrum he's just gonna be quirky and follow his own beat.
Ok this guy's gotta be on the spectrum?? Sounds like a few engineers I know. NPR and everything.
Don't sweat the criticism and misinterpretation of info you are receiving here, that is simply the course of many threads on CD. You were pretty clear you're not trying to fix the guy.
If he is on the spectrum he's just gonna be quirky and follow his own beat.
NPR = spectrum?
Wow, that's ridiculous.
The OP may not be trying to fix his 'friend,' but it's clear the OP cannot understand separate realities.
Well, considering we spend roughly 1/3 of our lives sleeping and, for most of us at least, a sizable portion working I dont know that life can really be all that much fun. Then factor in that a portion of your free time is spent tending to your body (bathing, exercising, food preparation et..) then that really only leaves a small amount of your life for actual fun things like hobbies, spending time with loved ones or whatever you deem enjoyable.
Of course it's different for different people. Some fast food worker or farm laborer working 70hrs/week has a much lower quality of life and much less free time than say, a rich kept woman or pro athlete. In "Stans" case I'm guessing he's somewhere in between the those two extremes.
And certainly for those with major health issues life is probably not very enjoyable. For people who live with pain that is severe enough for them to not be able to make a living or achieve life goals then each and every day is a struggle.
For me personally I think life if hard. I have a good job that pays well, is creative and is non labor intensive and I only work 40 hrs/week. But I still think it's hard some times. I struggle more with personal relationships and everyone I know struggles with something, one or multiple.
Off topic, but I find sleep to be pretty awesome.
When I can get good sleep, it rocks, and some of the dreams I have are out of this world. They're really entertaining and exciting.
I have a friend who is a computer science engineer, retired. He knows nothing about normal things, like cooking, plants, everyday things a normal adult would have some knowledge of. Has a house in Phoenix, with a backyard that could be fantastic, but he does nothing with it. He only talks about computers and aeronautics. That's it. The simple things, he just jokes about, really can't give a reasonable response. His jokes miss the mark all the time. He's finally married at 66 and they live in separate houses. There are just people that are not street smart at all!!! I mean nothing. They can not be changed, especially at his age.
Oh edit~~ everything he references, is from the 70's or 80's
I have a friend who is a computer science engineer, retired. He knows nothing about normal things, like cooking, plants, everyday things a normal adult would have some knowledge of. Has a house in Phoenix, with a backyard that could be fantastic, but he does nothing with it. He only talks about computers and aeronautics. That's it. The simple things, he just jokes about, really can't give a reasonable response. His jokes miss the mark all the time. He's finally married at 66 and they live in separate houses. There are just people that are not street smart at all!!! I mean nothing. They can not be changed, especially at his age.
Oh edit~~ everything he references, is from the 70's or 80's
I like them. I sort of get the separate houses thing. I'm so glad your friend found a compatible partner, it's hard sometimes if you are a bit different than the norm. It is interesting to have friends who are unique.
It's funny you say that. I've learned I can tell when I'm in the company of people/someone who probably wouldn't appreciate anything except 'middle of the road' tastes and hobbies. And not just not appreciate them, but actually judge them because they simply can't expand their horizons and realize that there are people not like them yet who live awesome lives.
I purposely avoid sharing too much with them. I only trickle out tiny bits about myself. I hate justifying why I love what I love. It goes 'whoosh' over these people's heads anyway. They can stay confused about me, that's fine.
Ok this guy's gotta be on the spectrum?? Sounds like a few engineers I know. NPR and everything.
Don't sweat the criticism and misinterpretation of info you are receiving here, that is simply the course of many threads on CD. You were pretty clear you're not trying to fix the guy.
If he is on the spectrum he's just gonna be quirky and follow his own beat.
So if you're quiet, serious, introverted, studious, and intellectual, that's "on the spectrum" now? Okay, armchair psychiatrists.
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