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The only thing he ever talks about listening to is public radio. I think he goes to the symphony once in a while, be he's never once mentioned to listening to music on his own. If you mention any popular recording artist, he probably won't know who you're talking about. In fact, he's told me several times about the day he tried to buy a car and asked if he could get one without a radio.
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Why is he supposed to mention what he listens on his own unless you ask him.
I really don’t understand how you or anyone can draw conclusions or diagnose a person based on a keyhole view of their life .
Yeah, it's kind of a "big deal" to go around diagnosing people who have a different personality from yours or even from the American norm as being autistic. That's pretty ignorant.
What people do is insult someone and then they feel superior. It is the cheapest boost available for someone's faltering self esteem Actually working on yourself is too drawn out.
I want to comment on some of your posts, but I have limited time at the moment.
It did occur to me since posting this that my friend's biggest issue seems to be not his choice of hobbies, but his approach to them. He seems to gravitate towards the most challenging options. For example, if he wants to learn about a given topic he will find the most difficult-to-understand book ever written on the subject, then later tell me he couldn't get through it because it didn't make much sense. His friends will suggest finding easier reading material next time, he will act like that makes sense, but he won't actually do it.
I have a friend who is a computer science engineer, retired. He knows nothing about normal things, like cooking, plants, everyday things a normal adult would have some knowledge of. Has a house in Phoenix, with a backyard that could be fantastic, but he does nothing with it. He only talks about computers and aeronautics. That's it. The simple things, he just jokes about, really can't give a reasonable response. His jokes miss the mark all the time. He's finally married at 66 and they live in separate houses. There are just people that are not street smart at all!!! I mean nothing. They can not be changed, especially at his age.
Oh edit~~ everything he references, is from the 70's or 80's
This definitely sounds like Stan, especially the jokes and the very outdated pop culture references.
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
You write that "my friend does not seem willing (or capable?) of taking advice."
Why are you trying to give him advice? Let him do what he wants to do!
I'm not understanding your extreme preoccupation with this.
His friends give him advice because he ASKS for it. He asks people for basic life advice more than anybody else I know. So when I tell you that we were making suggestions for what to do in retirement, it's because he repeatedly says he can't retire yet because he has no idea how he'd fill his time.
Besides, when did it ever become bad or unusual for friends to give each other advice? He's given me advice too, on a few occasions.
My "extreme preoccupation" with this basically began after people grossly misinterpreted my intentions for posting about it here.
I've come to the realization after reading all the replies to my posts that I was looking at this from the wrong perspective all along. The question on my mind from the beginning was not, "Why does my friend choose hobbies that aren't all that enjoyable?" but rather "Why does he choose that hardest approaches to the things he likes to do?"
In other words, if he wants to learn more about programming, why, after many failed attempts at high level classes, does he not take a lower level class where he can really absorb the knowledge he wants without the stress, and later on move up to the higher lever stuff?" That's what was bothering me from the beginning, only I couldn't quite put my finger on it until now.
I haven't read all of the responses on this thread but it sounds like Stan takes a Puritanical approach to life. He might be getting a great deal of self-satisfaction from his pursuits but he doesn't outwardly show it. He may enjoy the challenge but outwardly, he is stoic about his enjoyment.
Let's play Devil's Advocate, though. What is Stan DOESN'T enjoy life? I think it's safe to say some people don't. A fair number commit suicide and bail out of it, while others just endure it until it's over. Still others do their best, but don't find modern life particularly enjoyable. I'm not currently enjoying my life, although I have in the past and still hold out hope that I will in the future. That probably describes quite a few people, as life is a series of highs and lows. So, let's say Stan isn't enjoying his life; what's the actual question?
I've gone back and read the posts that I skipped over.
Why does Stan have to retire? Is there an age cap? How does he know that he won't know how to fill all his time? After retirement, he may find that he has plenty to do. Also, at least his health is good. At least he doesn't HAVE to retire because he can't function at his job.
Nothing stated indicates that he is on the spectrum. If he has a regular group of friends, that indicates that he is not ASD. ASD usually means that the person does not understand social cues. As a result, relationships often fall apart.
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