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Nothing you said comes as a surprise to me because contrary to your assumption, one of my close family members was voluntarily homeless when he was 18 for about six months, and though him, I met several of his homeless friends. (He was also one of those kids who didn't like rules.) I came by my knowledge on this subject both by those teens AND by the social workers who worked for the foodbank where I volunteered. (Actually, I don't know if they were licensed social workers or not, but they had much more experience working with the homeless than I did.)
What I'm writing about isn't my "assumptions"; it's my experience. If you read my other posts on this thread, you would see that.
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As far as seeking help -- knowing where to look -- yes, that does take some "work" and the ability to ask for help, but if people are intelligent AT ALL, they know to start Googling 'shelters' or calling 2-1-1 or even 4-1-1 or in a REAL emergency, even 9-1-1. None of that requires an above average IQ.
LOL! Are you serious?
First of all, MOST people, let alone teenagers, have no clue what 2-1-1 is. Secondly, 2-1-1 may have a list of resources, but they can't tell you your proximity to those resources, nor can they tell you the particulars about them, such as whether or not you may/may not qualify for those resources. They can tell you, "Yeah. There's a homeless shelter on Third Street and Main." They can't tell you whether or not that shelter is FULL for the night.
Calling 4-1-1 might give you addresses and phone numbers. That's it.
Calling 9-1-1? LOL! They'll either laugh at you or get mad at you for calling them with a non-emergency...and either hang up on you, or direct you to call 2-1-1. Rinse and repeat.
And as far as 'Googling' shelters, yeah...you need a working phone/computer for that. Can't tell you how many homeless people DON'T have access to either of those things.
It's got nothing to do with 'intelligence'. It's got to do with knowledge, and being at the hands of others/the "system". The average housed/employed "Jane/Joe" has no clue about where to go for help. Unless you've either been homeless or 'work' with the homeless, the resources available are a non-issue.
ETA: Oops! Sorry Katharsis, but when I posted, this next paragraph, it didn't post! So I'll address it now.
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Of course, if a young kid has run away from home with little money and just the clothes on his/her back, that is a different story -- but if s/he is that unprepared, it is likely that s/he is very young and impulsive and could go to the school counselor or ask other kids for help. In my experience, kids always had a friend who would put them up for a while (or who had a parent who would do so), and they would couch surf until they left that home (either voluntarily or not), but by then, they would know a little more about how to survive.
P.S. I am glad that you are no longer homeless.
When I became homeless (I'm a woman, by the way) I couch surfed for a few weeks, here and there. I had been living in a senior complex, taking care of my mom for 5 years, until she passed away. So I got to know many of the neighbors, many who were single older men.
One such man offered me his couch in exchange for me cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry and some errands. I accepted with the understanding that I was looking for work. Seemed to work out well...
...for two days...
...until he professed his undying "love" for me over the past 5 years (I BARELY knew the guy!).
Being a single homeless woman has its own issues...
Don't beat yourself up over it. I don't give to each person who asks. I go by my gut. I don't give to the intersection folks with children in tow. When I see a dog I ask what they need for the dog and go get it plus food for the owner. I've bought motels for some with dogs.
I give generously when I give. What's $1 going to do? $5???
Like a number of homeless signs say, "ANYTHING helps." One dollar put together with someone else's 3 dollars...added to someone else's FIVE dollars...
One dollar can make the difference between affording a Happy Meal, or not. Try going into to a McDonald's and offering them 4 bucks instead of 5 for a cheeseburger. See how far it gets ya...
So, one dollar CAN, an often DOES make a difference.
What I'm writing about isn't my "assumptions"; it's my experience. If you read my other posts on this thread, you would see that.
LOL! Are you serious?
First of all, MOST people, let alone teenagers, have no clue what 2-1-1 is. Secondly, 2-1-1 may have a list of resources, but they can't tell you your proximity to those resources, nor can they tell you the particulars about them, such as whether or not you may/may not qualify for those resources. They can tell you, "Yeah. There's a homeless shelter on Third Street and Main." They can't tell you whether or not that shelter is FULL for the night.
Calling 4-1-1 might give you addresses and phone numbers. That's it.
Calling 9-1-1? LOL! They'll either laugh at you or get mad at you for calling them with a non-emergency...and either hang up on you, or direct you to call 2-1-1. Rinse and repeat.
And as far as 'Googling' shelters, yeah...you need a working phone/computer for that. Can't tell you how many homeless people DON'T have access to either of those things.
It's got nothing to do with 'intelligence'. It's got to do with knowledge, and being at the hands of others/the "system". The average housed/employed "Jane/Joe" has no clue about where to go for help. Unless you've either been homeless or 'work' with the homeless, the resources available are a non-issue.
ETA: Oops! Sorry Katharsis, but when I posted, this next paragraph, it didn't post! So I'll address it now.
When I became homeless (I'm a woman, by the way) I couch surfed for a few weeks, here and there. I had been living in a senior complex, taking care of my mom for 5 years, until she passed away. So I got to know many of the neighbors, many who were single older men.
One such man offered me his couch in exchange for me cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry and some errands. I accepted with the understanding that I was looking for work. Seemed to work out well...
...for two days...
...until he professed his undying "love" for me over the past 5 years (I BARELY knew the guy!).
Being a single homeless woman has its own issues...
Okay, you are obviously more involved/emotional/invested in this than I am, so I am going to just leave this thread with just this final post here. When I referred to your "assumption", it was NOT about what you talked about your experience but was referring to what you said that your guess was that I had ZERO experience with the homeless, and THAT is what I was referring to -- your guess (which I referred to as an assumption, which I will grant was incorrect -- sorry.)
And about calling 9-1-1 -- I do know that is would be a gamble, but from reading different articles about different situations, it seems that 9-1-1 differs by area (state and/or county) and/or by operator. Some 9-1-1 operators are very harsh and direct and by the book, but some are more friendly and want to help. Maybe I am giving 9-1-1 operators too much credit, but I would think that if a teenage girl (or even boy) called 911 and was sobbing and saying that they couldn't go home and they were lost and didn't have any money, that most operators would send someone out to meet with the teen. But, as I said, maybe I am giving most operators too much credit. I will admit that this statement IS just a guess on my part.
And as I am probably MUCH older than you are, I would think that you would have had access to some kind of phone, even if you were homeless -- by borrowing one. (I have received the impression that homeless teens help each other out wherever possible, but maybe that was only my relative's experience.) I only said that about calling for help is because I have never known a teen or young person that didn't have access to a phone or computer at all. The homeless teens I knew often hung out at a library, and all the libraries I know about have access to computers at no charge -- even to people without a library card. But maybe you have had a different experience.
I do hope you are doing well now and will do well in the future -- but I am now leaving this thread permanently.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Originally Posted by Mink57
They may have declined because they already know where to get food, water and shelter.
But the homeless have other needs in addition to those things, especially if they WANT to find housing and/or employment.
Money for transportation (gas, bus...) ...money to make copies of their resume...money to get newer clothing from a place like Good Will...maybe money to join a gym so they have a place to take a shower on a regular basis.
And that's not even counting the money they may need for their infants (formula, diapers, baby food, disposable bottles, etc.) or school age children (school supplies, clothing, backpacks, lunchboxes, also a place to shower, etc.)
Frankly, I find this focus on particulars of help kind of entitled. If they offered tangible things a person with nothing could use and the person declined them, I think the church has every right to ask them to not beg on their property and especially not to bother any of their parishioners.
I personally think the government has left private charities and the common public holding the bag too long on the homeless problem. I also have a problem with people looking sideeyed at me because I don’t want to be approached by beggars when I’m just getting gas as a single, childless person who already donates to a few charities when a whole damn government is passively getting let off the hook for doing little to help the situation themselves.
That is exactly right on!! Yeah, and the excuses "not" to give are running rampant. I think anyone who gives knows in their heart if they did the right thing. I also think that those that don't give (luckily in these days it's really dangerous to make contact.") feel a sense of remorse or guilt that they passed them by. So maybe next time when they "make assumptions" they can run through a drive through and take the food back to the person and that way they will not have enabled them to do anything but eat.
I wonder sometimes if in the dead of winter when it is so unbearably cold outside, when people walk into their warm homes and smell food cooking and take a hot bath, eat and lie down in their own comfy beds, if they ever think about homeless people.
If you want to know what I think is a sin, that would be someone with more money than they need. If every person that was rich and were willing, there are so many good things we could do to help the homeless, jobless and needy families. But no, they want gold toilet seats instead.
I did. I worked in Manhattan most of my life, and I would marvel at the survivability of the human beings I knew lay on the sidewalks under the piles of blankets I walked past in the very early morning. At night when I got into my bed, I did sometimes think of them and was aware of the warmth and comfort I enjoyed.
I believe a lot of the donations to soup kitchens and food pantries and other places of assistance come more from the average working folks who can more easily imagine themselves in that position than those who have always been wealthy and cannot.
I did. I worked in Manhattan most of my life, and I would marvel at the survivability of the human beings I knew lay on the sidewalks under the piles of blankets I walked past in the very early morning. At night when I got into my bed, I did sometimes think of them and was aware of the warmth and comfort I enjoyed.
I believe a lot of the donations to soup kitchens and food pantries and other places of assistance come more from the average working folks who can more easily imagine themselves in that position than those who have always been wealthy and cannot.
I agree.
In fact, I think I've mentioned a man I was friends with before (May he rest in peace) who was in a wheelchair. He was a Navy Vet, yet never used his military 'status' to beg. He wasn't 'homeless', but his Social Security only enabled him to pay rent, and maybe 3 weeks of groceries. He used to panhandle on a specific corner from time to time.
He told me that the people who gave the most AND the most often, were middle aged Hispanic men, driving 10-15 year old cars (demographics where I live is about 35% Hispanic). When I panhandled myself, I found the same to be true.
The one's who seem to have the least, give the most.
Oh, quick sidebar....
I'll never forget this. It was a Friday. My friend (mentioned above) approached me all excited one day. He pulled me off to a corner and produced one of those small envelopes as long and wide as paper money. Told me to look inside...
...I was gob SMACKED. A bunch of money inside. Twenty THREE $20 dollar bills, to be exact (do the math). I asked him, "Where did you get this?"
He said, "The place where I "fly" (see note* below)." Some woman just stuck her hand out of the window and handed him the envelope. Apparently, she passed over the envelope to him with a smile. No words were spoken except for his usual, "Thank you." By the time he looked in the envelope, she had gone...
He said she wasn't driving an expensive car and wasn't especially dressed 'to the nines'. Almost seemed like she gave her week's pay...to him.
I often wonder about that woman...
And what possessed her at that exact moment to give so generously to my friend.
Sorry...guess my 'sidebar' wasn't so quick after all...
Since this is the psychology forum I wish I'd mentioned values systems. Know what yours is. That way you will be careful not to do anything that violates it because that's what gets us into trouble with ourselves.
If you know you will feel guilty for not helping by all means do something to alleviate that potential. Guilt is not a good feeling to carry. It can actually cause physical unwellness.
That doesn't mean that your sense of guilt always dictates what is right for you to do. You may be following an embedded idea placed there by someone else's value system when you were young.
So part of the human psychological growth pattern is to examine all these "shoulds" we carry around with us, especially the ones which produce guilt if we don't follow them, and ask ourselves if they are right for us.
You can always give to a place like a church or charity etc that you know will handle the money appopriately, as there are needy people all over.
You can give food or items to someone but not money, then you will know that they can use it, if thats what they are begging for.
Or you can give a few dollars like $5 which would be a lot of money to that poor person, but not too much of a loss to you.
I once felt charitable to this one girl who was asking for a dollar in the McDonalds parking lot,, so i was feeling generous and i gave her $5. She was so happy that she literally ran over to the Popeyes Chicken a half block away. I believe she was happy to eat Popeyes chicken rather than crummy McDonalds, so actually i was happy to make her day.
I'm suddenly reminded of a moment earlier this year. I was eating lunch in my car and a guy approached my window. I had no escape route, as the car was not running, so I gave him a few dollars "for food." He promptly walked across the street to the smoke shop.
Guilt occurs when one believes they have done something wrong; it is your conscience speaking. That said, you control how you feel (and what you do to help).
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Originally Posted by trusso11783
Lately, in my prayers, I always ask God to bring people who need help to me so I could possibly assist them. It doesn’t have to be financially. It could be emotionally or if they need something fixed. Anything. I came out of Church yesterday and there was a woman holding a sign. That never happens in our neighborhood here on along Island. I got closer and she had a sign about being a mother. She was skiing for money. I walked past her.
You just walked passed her after ‘asking God’ to bring people to you who need help, emotionally or financially, lol. Why not speak/tell her where she might find support; surely your church offers some sort of screened assistance that provides support services - no?
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Originally Posted by trusso11783
I see these kind of people on YouTube and Facebook where they dress up to look poor and rag their kids along and beg for money. Then, someone hangs around long enough and watches the woman drive away in a nice car.
They must be really inept if they do all of this in front of cameras, lol; it sounds contrived to fit a narrative - although, of course, scams do happen. From my perspective, however, this is a huge waste of effort on your part; screening is a natural part of community support services i.e. you need not invest your time/psychological health (or ‘guilt’, per the thread) trying to determine such.
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Originally Posted by trusso11783
Most of these people look pretty healthy to me. I want to ask them why the hell they just don’t get a job and earn money with some dignity instead of begging. Then I wonder if any of these people are the real deal, if I am turning my back on people God is sending my way.
Are you the ‘real deal’? Frankly, your ‘guilt’ sounds more like an opportunity to complain about the homeless as to ‘why the hell they just don’t get a job’, as if it were so easy to address homelessness, as a whole, in that way i.e. ‘a talking-down-to’ from a self-righteous perspective. It’s certainly not demonstrative of psychological health (compassion) on your part, and you’re not taking theirs into account either.
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Originally Posted by trusso11783
I want to help but I would hate to give money to anyone who is simply too lazy to work. Anyone else with this dilemma?
It’s not a dilemma; that you think such is the problem. Give money to charities and support services (rather than the individual) or volunteer your time - if, in fact, you sincerely want to help, as you claim. It will improve your psychological health.
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damn government is passively getting let off the hook for doing little to help the situation themselves.
