Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't think any guy's MORE affected than the lady who got raped herself. But it's possible they're both affected almost equally, but in different ways. THE ONLY aspect in which a guy would be more affected is that he's the guy & knows the guy takes care of the lady & he couldn't do it (physical strength-wise), so in that way, he's affected more than her.
A TV show where apparently both of the parties were interviewed. Seeing as they stated their feelings, I think the TV viewer had a fair idea of the victims true feelings.
Yeah. Maybe…. But for entertainment purposes.
From their site:
Investigation Discovery (ID) brings justice to television with a deeper look into the world of crime, forensics, paranormal investigation and modern mysteries. ID offers arresting entertainment that delivers remarkable insight into the thrilling twists and turns of real-life investigation and the most intriguing puzzles of human nature.
I've decided to post this on the psychology section because the story deals with how the male psyche gets greatly impacted. I've watched an episode on ID channel some time ago. I think the name of the episode was ''dates from hell''. The story dates back to many years ago when a pair of HS students were 18 year-olds. They weren't officially yet but had gone out on a couple dates. Both clicked very well and liked each other's company so much. One day the guy took her on his car and they stopped by next to a grassy area, near a pond, relaxing, kissing.
Suddenly a couple thugs opened the door and grabbed the girl. He got outnumbered, punched several times and the girl got taken from him. He was ok with some mild injuries and bruises, recovering at the hospital but he couldn't get over what they did to her. She got gang raped. It traumatized him for endless years. The girl never blamed him but he later on walked away out of extreme guilt. She recovered but he didn't.
They eventually reconnected (they were by then in their 50's or older) years later and clicked again. If it was the girl that suffered the horrible ordeal, the horrible damage of being gang raped (she's the one that's suppose to be forever traumatized), why was the guy more affected than her?
A and B.....and then maybe C.
A: A prize possession has been stolen from him. Right or wrong, that is often how, the proper way, men are taught to see women, as a trophy, something he has gained, and for others to use that trophy for their own means, is a great insult to him.
B: That insult touches him in so many ways, from that he has FAILED in the world of men, he has failed to the one he loves, his mate for life. It is probably another example of survivor's guilt. Ever see this PSA from Victoria, Australia? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWCjeVL60Vs
"He killed them, he couldn't protect them, it is his fault that puts them all there." Whether or not that is true, that is what will weigh on the mind for the rest of his life....however short that may be.
................................and then, perhaps, C: For all the hurt that women experience that men cannot, since they are conditioned to be the strong ones, the aggressor, the ones who can stand pain, it may be when women hurt, for what women have they think they should have to, they worked on ways to achieve that. They are envious of feeling a hurt that they as males could, as their minds tell them for there are certain truths in certain areas of life, not ever feel.
So this is a TV show about *one* incident, with *two* people. It doesn't speak to all rape victims or witnesses in the world. It could simply be that this guy finds it tough to deal with things Another guy might not have been as deeply affected. Another woman may not have healed so well. A bit hard to take one situation, one representative of male and female, and extrapolate to an entire world of people and rapes.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-07-2023 at 08:41 AM..
Reason: Orphaned comment.
Investigation Discovery (ID) brings justice to television with a deeper look into the world of crime, forensics, paranormal investigation and modern mysteries. ID offers arresting entertainment that delivers remarkable insight into the thrilling twists and turns of real-life investigation and the most intriguing puzzles of human nature.
STILL, they interviewed both victims. Whose voices were heard if not theirs?
I suppose he was feeling tremendous guilt and impotent rage about it. Most people like to imagine themselves as a "hero" who can stop bad things from happening. I think men, especially, are taught from an early age that they have to be "big and tough" and it's a lot of pressure. Sometimes really terrible things happen and we're powerless to do a thing about them.
Everyone has their burden and deals with it in a different way. A rape survivor is encouraged to get counseling. The rape survivor's boyfriend probably didn't have anyone asking him if he was doing okay and needed support.
A lot of problems could be dealt with better if we encouraged people to talk about what they were feeling, instead of holding it all in. Real connection with other humans often makes a huge difference in someone's life.
I think it is because men are conditioned to feel that they should be a protector. If they fail their view of their own masculinity takes a big hit. And then if they show any emotion over it they feel that others may perceive them as being even weaker. Men also will not seek out counseling as much as women will.
Women on the other hand have had a history of being victimized. If one hasn't been the victim of assault (sexual or not) they usually know someone that has (Myself, my friends, my daughter and several of her friends have been). We can talk about it, cry about it and we usually will get help for it if we feel that it is affecting our daily life.
When I was raising my son I always let him know it was good to show those emotions when he was sad, scared or anxious. It is the first step in working through those issues. It's also a very attractive quality. It is one of the reasons why I married the husband that I have today.
I've decided to post this on the psychology section because the story deals with how the male psyche gets greatly impacted. I've watched an episode on ID channel some time ago. I think the name of the episode was ''dates from hell''. The story dates back to many years ago when a pair of HS students were 18 year-olds. They weren't officially yet but had gone out on a couple dates. Both clicked very well and liked each other's company so much. One day the guy took her on his car and they stopped by next to a grassy area, near a pond, relaxing, kissing.
Suddenly a couple thugs opened the door and grabbed the girl. He got outnumbered, punched several times and the girl got taken from him. He was ok with some mild injuries and bruises, recovering at the hospital but he couldn't get over what they did to her. She got gang raped. It traumatized him for endless years. The girl never blamed him but he later on walked away out of extreme guilt. She recovered but he didn't.
They eventually reconnected (they were by then in their 50's or older) years later and clicked again. If it was the girl that suffered the horrible ordeal, the horrible damage of being gang raped (she's the one that's suppose to be forever traumatized), why was the guy more affected than her?
I'm not trying to be a smartbutt but it's very obvious.
People process trauma in many different ways. Two or more individuals can experience the same event and each can handle/process the trauma in a different way. Plus whether resources were made available and if the person took advantage of those resources on dealing with the after effects of a traumatic event.
This is incredibly insensitive to the victim and dismissive of women, as a whole - or, at the least, pretty messed up. While it certainly can affect a man within the context of a relationship (relative to his concern for her health/well-being) and/or likely if he witnessed it as well, I don’t see any basis whatsoever for anyone to claim he was/would be more affected than the woman - particularly relative to a woman he doesn’t (even) know i.e. a ‘date’, as you indicated.
Her horrible ordeal isn't be to dismissed. I'm not trying to downplay her pain. Off course rape is one of the most horrific thing that can happen to a person. Thats getting discarded as an object and violated in the most intimate way. I've only experienced getting catcalled once and it was disgusting but rape would be 100x worse than that for sure.
I was just indicating that while things were never the same again, the girl got helped and was moving on with her life but the guy remained devastated. Even she felt bad for him. She acknowledged it herself that it wasn't his fault and he was there with her to comfort her afterwards.
Last edited by BaileyC; 08-07-2023 at 12:12 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
