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When I was kid, I had a best friend who was the same age as me, and lived 'behind' me on the next block. In fact, ALL of my childhood friends lived on that block.
At 9 years old, I moved about 2 hours away. My best friend and I wrote letters to each other. I would call her occasionally, and it seemed that those phone calls led to us seeing each other again. I'd spend a week or so at her place, or she'd come to where I lived.
As time went by, I had other friends. In high school, local college. Moving away again, marrying, etc. Even moving overseas for a spell.
While overseas, I realized that I had spent over $700 -- in one month -- trying to keep in touch with my "friends" via phone. They were always happy to hear from me, to the tune of spending one or two hours on the phone with me.
But one day I realized that *I* was the only one making the effort to keep the friendship going. *I* was the one making the phone calls. *I* was the one writing the letters (snail mail, obviously, before the internet). Had it not been for *my* effort to keep the friendship going, I would probably never hear from them again.
Folks, PLEASE MAKE the effort. If you have someone in your life, that you consider to be a friend, and they haven't heard from you in a while, pick up the phone. CALL them. Let them know you've been thinking about them.
I'll admit that I'm an extremely lazy person and don't often make the effort you recommend, Mink57. I am wired for solitude and don't have much to say to friends who have moved away, coupled, married or bred. I wish them well but, as time moves on and we have fewer common memories or experiences to bring us together, there's less reason to pick up the phone.
My definition of a friend has more to do with honesty. If the phone bill bothered me, I would casually mention something about it so that if there are fewer phone calls in the future, they would at least have some understanding of the reason.
Of course, someone may not "make the effort" in order not to be a pain. I have one friend who I let call me. That way, I know he wants to talk. I don't want to be "that guy" where people don't want to pick up the phone (it might be because I've known too many of "those guys"?). If they call me, then I know they're cool with the contact. (It depends on the person in question.)
But frankly, I give people a couple chances and then I rely on "actions speak louder than words." If I invite you to do something two or three times and you're too busy and don't let me know when you're free, or if I'm always initiating contact, even though you say otherwise, I'm probably going to assume you're not interested and let you go; I'm not going to keep annoying someone who doesn't want to hear from me. So I have to say I don't have many relationships in my life where I'm making all the effort.
as time moves on and we have fewer common memories or experiences to bring us together, there's less reason to pick up the phone.
I was thinking similarly. Sometimes you are friends simply out of proximity, whether it was living in the same neighbourhood or going to school or work in the same place. Once that ends, relationships often tend to fizzle out when you don’t have that same connection any longer.
I don’t keep people in my life where the effort is all one-sided. I also recognize when it’s time to let go and not force something that once was to continue on.
I feel like it’s more rare to keep a friendship going when that person isn’t part of your daily life and you rarely see them. It take a special connection to overcome time and distance.
I guess I maintain all my old relationships via social media. Touch base, comment on life events, see what they are up to... and I think this works great.
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Agreed.. I’m not much of a phone talker but I try to text a friend if I haven’t heard from them in awhile to let them know I’m still thinking of them.
I Audi tend to be someone who tends to over think things and doesn’t want to be a pain or a nuisance so sometimes I talk myself out of calling not wanting to bother them.
A lot of my friends are married with kids and I’m not so I don’t like to bother them a lot since they’re busy but I try to stay in touch still and hangout so they know I still love them
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