When There’s Nowhere for Your Children to Be Safe

[shelato]

Originally Posted by farm108

I just finished the book, like 5 minutes ago. I hope I did not forget anything. My memory is pretty good.

Basically, you (you in general) need to:

- stop all the substance abuse (drugs, alcohol etc);

- eat a very clean diet, nothing processed, only natural ingredients, less than 20 carbs/day, moderate protein and high in fat. If you are obese do not have the diet very high in fat but you must eat some moderate amount of fat every day. (Good fat, like olives, olive oil, avocados, cheese high in fat like Brie etc.) In time, you'll lose weight on this diet as a side effect. While you get smaller you increase the amount of fat that you eat. Gradually. You can follow this diet even if you are a vegetarian or vegan but it's going to be difficult. More difficult. But not impossible;

- exercise daily or aim for at least 3-4 times/week. Can be Pilates, walking, aerobic, or something harder like lifting weights, running etc. You choose. But it has to be some form of exercise, anything that you enjoy, dancing etc;

- daily meditation, any type of meditation, guided, observing nature, sitting in stillness, any type of quiet time just being in silence, no stimuli. It can be just breathing exercises outside in nature, or in front of an open window;

- check your hormones with a doctor;

- use a daily routine for improving your sleep patterns. Like: blue lights in the evening, no screens in the evening, exposure to sun's rays in the morning, moving and being active during the day etc;

- having a purpose in life, even if just cleaning the house, having a daily routine, basically: contributing in some form to your family/community. It makes you feel good, appreciated and so on;

- using supplements if needed, check with your doctor;

- using a monitor/stripes for checking the ketones level/daily. Not cheating on this diet, never cheating on it. It's really important;

- address trauma using psychotherapy if possible;

- use fasting and intermittent fasting if possible. Do not use this method if you have a history of bulimia, anorexia or other eating disorders;

- asking for help from friends and family so they can cheer you up every time you need it. Very important;

- implement gradually all these steps (that I mentioned above) or at least some of them and do this program for 3-4 months. Don't have cheat days. If the diet seems to be working, continue with it for the rest of your life. If it doesn't work, continue with medication. This program doesn't work if you continue to drink alcohol and/or use substances/drugs;

- work with a psychiatrist if possible and tap off the medications you are still on - if possible - while following this protocol. The psychiatrist (all of them at this point in time, unfortunately) will not believe you, will probably laugh at your diet (keto diet) and will probably make fun of it. Print this page and go see the psychiatrist with this page. Or give them the link. They don't study nutrition in medical school and only treat the symptoms not the causes. Unfortunately.

https://www.chrispalmermd.com/articles/

Good luck. Have hope. Don't give up. It's not going to be easy.

(You are welcome)

I put in Italics my own suggestions. They are not mentioned in the book. He/the author talks about it on YouTube in different interviews. I know it's true what I suggested.

I appreciate all of the effort you went to write a detailed summary and just your intention to be helpful.

Thank you.

Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork

Oof, yeah. Sorry about that. I do know the distinction, just accidentally typed the wrong word. Not colonoscopy, colostomy. (Does not help that my son is trying to schedule a colonoscopy right now to attempt to figure out his gut issues.)

I am prepared to believe that adjustments to diet may be the key to sorting out his health. As I mentioned before, they did a study of autopsies of people who had schizophrenia and found that some 80% of them had serious stomach or gut problems. Serotonin isn't produced in the brain, but rather in the gut. And everything is connected!

But we have to put out the house fire before any rebuilding can begin, here. He is off the drugs and alcohol at the moment. That's a huge step in the right direction. He has legal stuff to sort out that hopefully does not land him in jail. If he goes to jail, he eats what he's given. But if not, then the next step is getting him out of a seriously trauma inducing high stress home environment, and into somewhere more peaceful. In the meantime, just getting him to consume enough calories is where we're at for diet. Though he has been trying to eliminate certain things to see if it helps him, he switched to almond milk which he likes, because he has been diagnosed with EOE, and they gave him a list of foods he may be sensitive to and told him to do an elimination diet to figure out which one it probably was. Obviously when he was drinking and drugging no such thing would happen, but now he's prepared to take some small steps. Oh and one thing with a nod to keto and some other diets, is that he can't actually afford to lose weight. My husband lost weight on keto. My son is rail thin, underweight. He's right around 130 lbs at 6'1". He does exercise, if somewhat inconsistently...mind, when I say that I don't mean "his efforts are minimal" the way I'd mean if I said it about myself. Either he's pushing himself ridiculously hard or not at all.



I just got into it over texts with my ex, who observed that kid is telling him a bunch of things he plans to do today...and it's just baffling that he can't even hold a fast food job. I'm like, well, you of all people should understand. Disabled individuals have good days and bad days. Jobs expect you to always be having a good and functional day when THEY need you to. Some folks who need wheelchairs aren't 100% incapable of ever standing up. He says, "yeah it's just ironic." It isn't. And it's annoying that he can be so critical and obtuse about it since he himself can't hold a job unless it's something like the military where they don't give you much of a choice. He's always been that way. Frankly when it comes to that, our son is pretty similar to his father...but his father gets all mad when anyone points it out.

In a way I've had to sporadically deal with both of them, they get into conflicts, usually around like 6AM when my eyes are barely open, and most of the time I'm able to talk them both down, when inevitably one of them calls me. Occasionally not. So if nothing else, I'm really looking forward to getting my son out of there so I don't have to deal with my ex so much. I can accept my kid being my problem, to a pretty far point...but damn. Not my ex.

And yeah, I do acknowledge limits to how long and how much help I want to give my sons. I have specific goals I want to try and help them achieve while they stay with me. I have told them both that not only do I need them to be "good housemates" but also to be making dedicated progress on these goals. And I think that the goals in question are reasonable ones. The only thing that troubles me is that if it all goes sideways, then... Well. Then we have to look at alternatives, including painful and difficult ones.

Being off drugs and booze is huge. That's great news. I am happy for both of you

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by Bootsamillion

Hey, just want you to know you aren't alone in your struggles with grown kids. I have three kids, 2 on Meth and one that doesn't do drugs, but makes HORRIBLE choices.

I've learned how to love them and help them (on occasion) but not let their problems become mine. I learned this at Al Anon (which I'm sure your friends have told you about). They do have online zoom Al Anon meetings, and hearing from other parents in the same (or close) situation is somewhat comforting, although of course, the "misery loves company" thing is not something we want. We just want to know what to do.

My son (oldest child) is 46. He likes to have babies and started when he was 17. That grandchild is 27 years old and my son never sees him. My daughter married the grand's step-dad when his "baby mama" died so that in itself defies the laws of geneology. So my daughter is step-mom to her nephew. You do the math. Son never marries his baby's mother who died. He did marry an Asian girl and they have two kids who I would refer to as "crack kids". They will have so many psychological issues when they grow up, mainly acute abandonment issues, low self esteem and all the goodies that send kids nowadays spiraling out of control on drugs...anything that sets them free of pain. So he sees those kids a lot, but he is still married to the wife (Asian girl) but estranged from her. He has a new girlfriend, 20 years his junior and they have a precious baby girl. He has no job, he is the epitome of an "addict".

Oldest daughter is 41. Beautiful, Registered Nurse with specialties. Graduated at top of her class. She weighs about 90 lbs and looks like crap. She allows her toxic on-off bf to punch her and knock her around. She likes meth too. She can't afford food and is on disability.

Youngest daughter has a business degree and is raising two sons. She is a good Mother, that I will say but she has had so many live in boyfriends that the boys were attached to and then they break up and there goes that Daddy. Over and over until now, she married her brother's EX gf's widow. They are happy and the kids are doing OK. Oldest is in college and the youngest has severe anger issues and has caused a LOT of problems. He seems to be doing better now.

All of these things could absolutely magnify and consume my thoughts, my energy and my heart all day long every day, but I have a life to live too. I have come to learn that until they want help, they aren't going to get it. You can't provide it, they have to want it. They have to be willing to do what it takes to get clean and so far my son has been in rehab twice and right back on it. My daughter asked to go to rehab and we helped get her in and she stayed 24 hours and that was about 4 years ago.

My daughter is so thin that I'm very concerned and she tells me all the time that she only gets $20 week for groceries and she's hungry. So, I will send her a bone here and there, strictly for groceries or I will actually take her to the grocery so she won't buy drugs with her food money.

It's all the same, it's all different. Two families, same crap. I urge you to at least try the Al Anon plan to help YOU and then and only then can you help your kids.

Thoughts and Prayers for your family.



Now we get to worry that their "meth" or "weed" will be laced with Fentanyl and they will overdose. Hopefully people will put their "gummies' in a safe place when they have children.

Good lord what a tangle! I am so sorry you've had to go through all of this. Thoughts and prayers for your family, too.

I'm grateful that thus far my sons have not produced any offspring. I've really, really hammered them about that. I will NOT raise grandbabies they've got no business fathering. Among problems that I consider to be beyond what I will involve myself in, and too big for me to take on, that's top of the list.

When my younger one was riding around homeless in a car with his absolutely far gone alcoholic and drug addicted girlfriend last year, her MOTHER said to me that maybe what she needed to get her life together was to have a baby. I mean this girl is like pickled in vodka daily along with meth, weed, coke, acid, who knows what else and her mother at least knew about the booze, and she is saying this to me? wtf??

So it came to light she was not on birth control. I wanted her to do a pregnancy test. I told my son he needed to insist on this, and gave him money to buy one. She refused. This was about the point I started to really tell him that this relationship was going to land him in jail if he didn't get out. Because in CO, if you don't pay child support, guess what....you go to jail. I mean, nevermind riding around wasted on all kinds of stuff, much of which is illegal, with the wasted driver, and they are lucky they didn't kill anyone.

The girl has at least gone to rehab in another state. And my son is sober. And while I can't prove it one way or another, I do believe him this time. Feel like I've got hope, but it's tenuous and it's not blind.