My beautiful Pomeranian, Duncan, died yesterday and I can't stop crying...

[Jerseykat]

kgoldie6 I'm so sorry for your loss of Duncan. From your description and his picture he was quite the special dog.
Don't come down hard on yourself over this last year with Duncan.
He had a long life and was well loved by you and he loved you in return.
During this last year I'm sure that for every bad day there were precious moments and good times,
I know that right now the pain is acute and feels like it will never be right again. But time will soften the hurt and allow you to remember the happy moments with Duncan.
((hugs))

[kgoldie6]

I have to thank all of you so very much for your kind words, you have no idea how helpful and truly comforting your words are to me. You're such wonderful people. I do feel very lucky to have had him for as long as I did and I'm trying my best not to beat myself up as I know I how much I loved him. Thanks again for your support.
Karen

[alexisisawsome246]

i am so sry to hear when i read what u said i cryd it made me think of my cat missy moo moo she was my life and one day my neighbore poisond her ... i thought id never stop crying and its been three years now and i stil get sad about her but what i do to make things better is i write to her every now and again ask her how shes doing tell her i love her and how i cant wait to c her again i know shell never get the letters i write her but i think it helps have u ever read the poem rainbow bridge ? its an amazing poem and it will brighten ur day to read it

[APC514950]

We just lost our dog Roki, a 3 year old Pomeranian , our baby.. He was so active that night , sleep with us , before going to work @ 830am I even said goodbye, and as usual he will bark a little to say , ok will see you again this afternoon grandma.My youngest son leave the house @ 4pm to go school and Roki was still active , @ 530pm his dad came home and he notice that Roki was quite , he carry Roki to play but still quite but conscious, my son went to the vet hospital right away asking for mercy to help his dog,, the doctors tried their best and after 10 minutes they just told my son that he can't make it. It was a sudden loss, now we still in mourning and trying to move on. I can't sleep and always crying if alone. .Its unfair .. so unfair , I missed him so much..

[erinski99]

The same exact thing happened to my beautiful baby black pom Romeo. He did come out of the "unheard of, blood curdling scream" which I found my typically quiet dog in after arriving home from work one day.. He was rushed to the ER and diagnosed with Invertible Disc Disease. He was 4lbs, and therefore prescribed compounded (liquified) meds in order to ensure he'd receive the proper amount of pain pills, muscle relaxers and steroids. They said he'd be fine and good to go in 2-4 weeks. Well, something went terribly wrong; something that my $600 vet bill didn't afford a warning for me. He inhaled (now I know that's called aspirating) his liquid meds, and they filled his little lungs with stuff that should never be there. I immediately called the vet and informed them that I feel like he inhaled the liquid meds, because he was now gurgling, mouth breathing and blowing bubbles from his nose. It just wasn't right, I'm no vet, but I knew something other than the disease had happened. The tech who came to the phone, the vet was too busy for me (after I had just paid $700 2 hrs prior), said no worries, the meds tend to foam in their little bodies, and that I should simply administer the liquid meds more slowly next time he needs to take them. He's so small they need time to soak in and process. Seemed unusual, but I didn't know any better and didn't think to argue their advice. So, I did as they said, kept up with the 3 different liquid meds, and five days later he died. That first dose had in fact been inhaled by him, it sat in his tiny lungs all weekend, and the foreign body (the meds) caused pneumonia to form as the first wk of winter rolled in. His immune system was just too low from fighting the disc disease to fight this new, preventable, problem. I constantly feel like it's all my fault for not doing the research. He was only 6 years old, and just the love of my life. I've had other pets pass and humans as well, but my Romeo was something different to me that I just can't explain. I just want him back, and I'm so angry they didn't warn me. It's not fair. If they would have told me that aspiration pneumonia is a very serious and common thing with small dogs injecting liquified meds, I would have been so much more careful. It's that simple. He didn't have to die the way he did. He basically suffocated to death as his very aware mind lost the fight against his wounded body. His eyes said it all as he looked up at me saying "please help. Please get me to cough this out. Please save me." By the time his condition has come to light, 3 different vets said it was too late. I guess the moral is, once they become that consumed with sickness, the end is ultimatum inevitable. I just wish my spoiled little Prince could have suffered less. It does help to know that all dogs must go to heaven, because they are such angles to is here on Earth.

[erinski99]

I forgot to mention, the reason your post caught my eye, besides the fact I searched for poms, is that I too can't seem to remember the good times. I knew he wouldn't make it through the day, yet I went I work anyway. It was Halloween of this year, and I had an event I was coordinating. I KNEW he'd die, yet I became so preoccupied with not wanting to be late too work and loading the car with materials for the party, I actually walked out the door without saying goodbye to him. I ALWAYS said goodbye to him. I just remember the loon on his face. It was as if he was saying, "where are you going? Please don't leave me mama." I'll never forget the look in his eyes, or the call I received 2 hrs later from my husband. He never called me on my cell while I was at work. So, when I happened to be randomly taking photos for Halloween on my phone at work, and his name showed up as calling me, I answered the phone with "he's gone isn't he" instead of hello. He responded, "yes, I'm sorry babe." A chunk of me died right then and there. When does the pain stop. It's been almost two months. Should I seek professional help?

[petch751]

Originally Posted by kgoldie6

The day of my worst fear arrived 2 days ago and I feel like I will never recover from the pain of this loss and feeling of emptiness in my home.

I knew he wasn't well so I should have just quit my job and spent the last year of his life with him, right? But now it too late and I feel like I'm never going to stop crying and this emptiness will never go away

kgoldie, we are in the same place. my kitty died sunday at 11:30pm, I think that was 3 days ago. I also started blaming myself like you are but keep trying to push those thoughts out. A cd member wrote me and told me something I didn't know and it was very helpful. Don't blame yourself, anytime you think something bad remember you had to work so you could keep you both warm and keep his belly full, he knows you took good care of him. You brought him pleasure everytime you petted him and talked to him.

I am also feeling your pain and emptiness. I wish I could say something to help you feel better but all I can do is say there is someone else feeling your pain, it's excruciating. The people on cd have been very kind and helpful.

[greatblueheron]

So very sorry. What a cute little guy.

We animal lovers know just how heartbreaking it is...from our own experiences.

You'll ultimately remember all the fun time and joy he gave you.....but
until then, allow yourself to grieve for as long as it takes.
Sending you a hug-

Originally Posted by kgoldie6

The day of my worst fear arrived 2 days ago and I feel like I will never recover from the pain of this loss and feeling of emptiness in my home. Duncan did not deserve the pain he went through the past year of his life. He had pain in his limbs, neck and difficulty walking and a coughing condition. I took him to a neurologist last January who said it was most likely a tumor causing neurological problems, but to be certain he would need an MRI which would be risky on a 15 year old dog with other medical issues (heart murmur, collapsed trachea, etc.). I didn't want to risk surgery, so I tried the alternative and he went on steroids which seemed to help him a lot and while he wasn't completely pain free, he had many good days along w/a few bad days since January. Now I'll never know if I made the right decision not to have the MRI and possible surgery.

Yesterday he was acting more lethargic than usual and hid under my bed which he had never done before.....now I think he was going there to die (I've heard that animals will find an unfamiliar spot to die). I got him out from under the bed, was cuddling him for a few minutes, then he strangely threw his head back and let out the most blood curdling yelp I've ever heard and then his whole body went limp. I thought he was dying at that moment. I later realized that this must have been the moment he suddenly went blind and was terrified. I was at the dr's office within 15 minutes - he felt so limp and fragile in my arms in the car ride over - I thought he was going to die any second. The dr told me he was blind and had a high fever and that the blindness was probably due to a tumor in his brain which had probably been causing the neurological problems too. I just knew he was dying, couldn't stand to see him suffer and I made the decision to put him to sleep and I held and kissed his little face and whispered in his ear that he was a good boy and that I loved him while the doctor put him to sleep.

Duncan was a unique, remarkable creature who was truly my best friend and greatest companion through some very tough periods of my life. He never took an interest in toys, not even as a puppy, always wanting to give his full attention instead to people. Everything about him was just truly angelic, from his appearance, to his heart. I always believed he was my angel and was a true gift from god and if I would do anything just to have a little bit more time with my perfect baby.

I am torturing myself wondering if I handled things differently this past year could there have been a different outcome?

I still have his sister here with me and I know she misses him just as much as I do, so I'm trying to give her extra attention. I'm so happy to still have her but the truth is I really did have a unique bond with Duncan. He was my protector. He followed me around my apartment and never wanted to be apart from me.

I'm so heartbroken and feel so guilty about all the time I spent at work this past year working full time instead of spending it with my little buddy. Or how many times was I on this computer that I could have been better spent with Duncan? Instead of thinking about our times together, I seem to be obsessing about all the time spent apart...or obsessing over BAD things like how I accidentally walked right into him the morning before he died making him yelp. Why oh why can't I just think of all the HAPPY memories?

I knew he wasn't well so I should have just quit my job and spent the last year of his life with him, right? But now it too late and I feel like I'm never going to stop crying and this emptiness will never go away

[jasper12]

Sorry. My daughter had "Marley and Me" on TV tonight, I made her change the channel before the end, because I just would have bawled, and bawled, remembering our dog, Sam.

Some dogs really make your life special. They just don't live long enough...