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I feel so guilty and can't get the image of finding him out of my head.
I wish I could remember all the good times - but I'm just focus on what happen and finding him.
I worked on new years eve and got home around 2 am. He was sound asleep. I took him for a walk and then he went back to sleep. The next morning he was dead.
He was 14. Very old for his breed - and I was preparing - knowing that I would have to put him to sleep at some point. He was having problems. I understood all of that. I just feel so guilty that he may have been suffering and I was too tired to hear him. I always heard him and I keeping think that the one time he really needed me I was too exhausted to hear.
It's just so painful. I hate being in my apartment - I keep getting up to take him out and he isn't here.
What a sad way to start a new year. So sorry for your loss.
Don't beat yourself to death feeling guilty. He may have passed in his sleep without even making a sound. Many old dogs go this way. If he was in pain or distress that caused him to make noise or move around I'm sure it would have awakened you.
You didn't do anything wrong. If he was acting his normal self after his walk you had no reason to believe he was in immediate danger. It was just his time.
I presume you provided love and care to him for years. If he passed quietly in his sleep there is no way you could have known.
Mourn his loss, remember the good times and the years you had together. The only thing you are guilty of is providing him with the kind of care that let him live to such an old age. That is a good kind of guilt to have. You should have no bad feelings about yourself. His last night he took a walk with his friend and laid down and went to sleep knowing you were close by just like the many nights in the past. He was happy and content. That's all he wanted.
It is tough anytime someone you loves passes on. My baby girl (Malamute named Claire) is the love of my life. She is only three, but I would be lost without her. My heart goes out to you in this sad time. God Bless.
There is a section called rainbow bridge on this forum. It is a special place for threads that deal with this difficult issue. I presume this thread will be moved there shortly. It will receive the attention that it deserves there.
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
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Oh, sweetie, don't feel guilty.
If you ALWAYS heard him every other time, you WOULD have heard him this time. He didn't make any sound; he was asleep and then he died; he didn't suffer. He didn't call out to you -- he just wanted you to get your sleep because there was nothing that you could do for him... and he went in the most peaceful of ways.
Believe that, OK?
Remember the good times with him. Smile at the wonderful memories instead of crying that he's gone. That's what he's doing -- he's watching over you and remembering the good times with you and he's smiling.
I am so sorry for your loss. It is not a pleasant way to start the new year. However, he died in his sleep, which is the best way for all of us to go. More than likely, you would never have heard anything even if you had not been exhausted. He was just waiting for you to come home before he went back to sleep. I think our pets know when their time is coming to an end. The best that you can do for yourself is to remember the good times like he would want you to do.
Yes, I have had two old dogs go in their sleep at home and they both went peacefully. He waited until you were home. He knew you were there. It is not easy but it heals over time.
I feel so guilty and can't get the image of finding him out of my head.
I wish I could remember all the good times - but I'm just focus on what happen and finding him.
I worked on new years eve and got home around 2 am. He was sound asleep. I took him for a walk and then he went back to sleep. The next morning he was dead.
He was 14. Very old for his breed - and I was preparing - knowing that I would have to put him to sleep at some point. He was having problems. I understood all of that. I just feel so guilty that he may have been suffering and I was too tired to hear him. I always heard him and I keeping think that the one time he really needed me I was too exhausted to hear.
It's just so painful. I hate being in my apartment - I keep getting up to take him out and he isn't here.
I'm sorry to be going on and on.
I know you are sad right now but what everyone is tell you is true; go ahead & cry but stop beating yourself up and second guessing what happened. It sounds like your boy went quietly in his sleep. I'd like to think that it was his final kindness to you so you wouldn't have to make a decision that you couldn't bear. I lost one of my dogs suddenly on Monday so yes, I know every single emotion you are going through right now. Not only is there the sadness but the change in routine just adds to the loss. Some people cannot bear to think about getting another dog right away but I'd like you to consider it. No dog can ever replace the one you lost but you can fill that empty space in your life. Go to your local shelter just too look. Whatever you do, keep busy and if needed out of your apartment for right now. I can assure you in time the fond memories well be the first ones you remember. Don't be afraid to talk about your boy with you friends and family. Its part of the grieving process and helps you to get through it. My thoughts are will you and I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs!
Last edited by Va-Cat; 01-08-2010 at 07:27 AM..
Reason: spelling & grammar
I am so sorry for your loss.
We have all been there and know exactly what your going thru.
All of us grieve in different ways. It's fine to cry and miss your beloved dog. That is normal. We have all done it.
What you shouldn't do is blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. Your dog lived a nice long dog's life. Something that all of us wish our dogs do.
You took care of him & loved him so very much. He was thrilled that you were his Mom and loved you so much.
Look at it like this... your beloved dog waited for you to come home.
He wanted to take that last walk with you that the two of you have done so many times, that he enjoyed so very much.
He wanted to hear you talk to him & tell him good night one last time.
He wanted that last pat-pat and you telling him he's a good boy.
Dogs certainly don't ask for much, just love and you gave him that, something he wanted. I'm sure you spoiled him. We all do.
The best place to cry is in the shower. I've learned that the hard, long way, but it really does help. You know how you always feels good after having a shower... well when your really down & need a good cry...for any reason, go take a shower. Crying in the shower and afterwards, you do feel better letting some of your pain out.
Getting over this may take awhile. I cried for a certain Rottweiler we rescued, when she passed away, for years. She was the funniest looking Rott we had ever seen. Talk about horrible BYB. OMG... her ears should of belong to a Bloodhound. Her Stub...was very long, she was very tall.. Nobody wanted this dog because she was so odd looking. Reminded us of Goofy the cartoon character.
We adopted her and she was the best dog. I sware if her heart strings could of grown and attached to mine, they certainly did. She was a sweetheart. Loved all our other dogs. Loved our family, friends & little kids & babies that came to visit. She loved everything & everyone.
She was so happy to have us as her family.
We were blessed & happy to have her as our family.
I'm telling you this with tears in my eyesas they are dropping on the keyboard, because it will be 8 years this March that she went to the Rainbow Bridge. I miss that dog to this day. We have had many Rotty rescues since then & we love all of them dearly. There was just something extra special about our girl.
So it's ok to cry even 8 years later because you miss your dog.
It's what you do with your love after you lose your dog.
We have rescued more Rotts, fell in love with all of them. They bring the greatest pleasure to us. Each one has their own funny quirks. Things they do, how they do it.
None of that is forgotten once you lose your dog. Those cute, funny things & thoughts stay in your heart forever.
You will remember the good, funny times, I promise.
Your just going thru the heart ache right now and that's all you feel is the deep pain of your loss.
You will remember.
You will also remember the fun times that you had in your apartment with him.
Don't be sorry for going on & on as you say.
We've all been there and it's never easy.
The worse thing about dogs or any pet is losing them.
Our dogs are our children & we wouldn't want it any other way.
Your dog left room in your heart for when your ready not to replace him, cause that could never happen. But to let other dogs have some of the love you gave him.
It will get better..it always does.
By the way...when I die...I'm not going to heaven or hell, I'm going to Rainbow Bridge, so I can be with ALL our beloved dogs. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So sorry for your loss. They are family.. The Rainbow Bridge poem is posted here but here is something else I found
An Indian legend says: " When a human dies there is a bridge they must cross to enter into Heaven. At the head of the bridge waits every animal that human encountered during their lifetime. The animals, based on what they know of this person, decide which humans may cross the bridge...and which are turned away."
I just feel so guilty that he may have been suffering and I was too tired to hear him. I always heard him and I keeping think that the one time he really needed me I was too exhausted to hear.
It's just so painful. I hate being in my apartment - I keep getting up to take him out and he isn't here.
I'm sorry to be going on and on.
No, he wasn't calling for you because he knew it was his time to go. And maybe he just fell softly asleep, that's all.
He wasn't afraid or scared....He went just the way he would've wanted it to happen, right alongside of you. At home. With his mom.
His spirit will always be with you. And just as everyone else has said, he will be waiting for you, and he would want you to remember the good life you had together.
I can only send you blessings and healing thoughts....take care of yourself - if for nothing else but your puppers would insist upon it.
I am so sorry for your loss.
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Don't blame yourself...
