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So, people should be rude? I'm pretty sure tact exists in New York. Some of my friends are New Yorkers and quite tactful. All you've done is illustrate that you find everything but brutal honesty to be "fake."
That's just odd.
No. I never said anything about being "brutally honest." It's all a cultural thing, that's all.
If someone asks you a question up North, you don't answer it to insult them. But you also do not need to sit and think of something positive and sweet and light for the sole purpose of being positive and sweet and light (e.g. "Southern polite.") You should just answer the truth, e.g. "I really don't like the traffic."
There's nothing wrong with saying you don't like something. Nothing. But the Southerner seems to take anything that is not positive, sweet, and light as a personal insult. It seems so unnecessary.
It's just the way it is. A difference in culture, that's all.
And that leads into the backstabbing part of it. Northerners are shocked to experience backstabbing in the South, because that kind of behavior usually stops in middle school/junior high. As adults, it's pretty much unheard of. Southerners will be Southern Polite to your face, because it's culturally acceptable to be "nice" even when you're not feeling it, and then behind your back, say what they REALLY mean (nasty things). That kind of behavior is far less prevalent up North. If we don't like you, we don't make up "nice" things to say to your face, we'll just not say anything or say something benign. We don't fake it in order to be "polite."
We Northerners are very polite. Honestly polite.
And what's so "polite" about telling people to go back where they came from if they don't like it here. Never in my life did I ever hear that said by a Northerner. Never. It would be far too rude a thing to do.
Last edited by lovebrentwood; 01-07-2013 at 05:59 PM..
Thanks to everyone for the feedback (on the guns, manners, etc).
I have never told people about hating it here...and that when people ask, I merely say I don't think its a good fit or feel like we fit in. Maybe I should have left off the top of my post and just posted about the guns since that is my question.
What prompted my post was on my wife's Facebook wall in the past week or so (since Christmas) there have been about a dozen people with tons of pictures of their kids with guns. As young as 7 years old and a teacher, many of them young girls. Elementary age girls. It is a bit alarming for me to see. It isn't THE reason for wanting to move, we have been in the planning stages (somewhat secretly to avoid insulting people) for over a year.
Now, I have zero issue with people owning guns. It is the the whole "lifestyle" aspect of it. I know there are plenty of guns in New England, especially northern VT, NH, and ME, but it is really mostly hunters.
Oh, and we had one good pizza place here, the guy was from Boston, but they closed when the rent went up.
There are places in New England far worse than you've described about where you're living now. It's a way of life up there as well, with hunting and gun ownership being common. And people owning rifles.
If you don't like the reactions you receive from people when it's mentioned that you're unhappy with where you're living, then you have choices. Either don't mention it, or move.
Don't think you will find utopia here in Raleigh. Soon as you drive 20 miles from the city in either direction there will be those rifle carrying type of people.
best,
toodie
Thanks to everyone for the feedback (on the guns, manners, etc).
I have never told people about hating it here...and that when people ask, I merely say I don't think its a good fit or feel like we fit in. Maybe I should have left off the top of my post and just posted about the guns since that is my question.
What prompted my post was on my wife's Facebook wall in the past week or so (since Christmas) there have been about a dozen people with tons of pictures of their kids with guns. As young as 7 years old and a teacher, many of them young girls. Elementary age girls. It is a bit alarming for me to see. It isn't THE reason for wanting to move, we have been in the planning stages (somewhat secretly to avoid insulting people) for over a year.
Now, I have zero issue with people owning guns. It is the the whole "lifestyle" aspect of it. I know there are plenty of guns in New England, especially northern VT, NH, and ME, but it is really mostly hunters.
Oh, and we had one good pizza place here, the guy was from Boston, but they closed when the rent went up.
Totally unscientific: my feel of it is there is quite a bit of gun ownership in the triangle, but it's mostly covert. Drive 30 minutes out of town, and it will become overt.
Myself, I own six firearms. I have a concealed carry permit. No one outside my wife and family knows, though.
I used to think I was a gun nut, until I went to one of these (open carrying my Beretta 9mm handgun):
I know of two of my neighbors that own guns but they definitely don't come across as worshiping them. I'm sure there is some in your face gun ownership going on but I haven't run across it.
Now I do have neighbors who seem to worship their leaf blowers and they really get on my nerves.
I also have to say that when I read the original post I cringed at the thought of what this thread was going to turn into, but even after 6 pages it has been really civil. I'm not sure if there is much that got moderated out, but maybe that gives a good indication of the gun culture in the triangle.
Last edited by slim2none; 01-07-2013 at 07:02 PM..
No. I never said anything about being "brutally honest." It's all a cultural thing, that's all.
If someone asks you a question up North, you don't answer it to insult them. But you also do not need to sit and think of something positive and sweet and light for the sole purpose of being positive and sweet and light (e.g. "Southern polite.") You should just answer the truth, e.g. "I really don't like the traffic."
There's nothing wrong with saying you don't like something. Nothing. But the Southerner seems to take anything that is not positive, sweet, and light as a personal insult. It seems so unnecessary.
It's just the way it is. A difference in culture, that's all.
And that leads into the backstabbing part of it. Northerners are shocked to experience backstabbing in the South, because that kind of behavior usually stops in middle school/junior high. As adults, it's pretty much unheard of. Southerners will be Southern Polite to your face, because it's culturally acceptable to be "nice" even when you're not feeling it, and then behind your back, say what they REALLY mean (nasty things). That kind of behavior is far less prevalent up North. If we don't like you, we don't make up "nice" things to say to your face, we'll just not say anything or say something benign. We don't fake it in order to be "polite."
We Northerners are very polite. Honestly polite.
And what's so "polite" about telling people to go back where they came from if they don't like it here. Never in my life did I ever hear that said by a Northerner. Never. It would be far too rude a thing to do.
I've never told anyone to go back to where they came from if they don't like it here.
Well, maybe ajnucch, but that would be just the exact sort of honesty you're espousing here.
I didn't tell the OP to go back anyplace. I read the OP, thought about this area and guns, and suggested the OP might prefer it elsewhere. The OP had already stated that moving back home was indeed on the table.
I think a cultural thing you maybe haven't grasped yet is that it's okay to say something nice to someone and still not particularly like that person.
It's just civility. It's not as clandestine as you are describing.
Unless you're in a situation where a close friendship turns out to be a fabrication, there's no harm in being pleasant toward people.
Oh, and you never loan your guns to anyone.
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I've never told anyone to go back to where they came from if they don't like it here.
Well, maybe ajnucch, but that would be just the exact sort of honesty you're espousing here.
I didn't tell the OP to go back anyplace. I read the OP, thought about this area and guns, and suggested the OP might prefer it elsewhere. The OP had already stated that moving back home was indeed on the table.
I think a cultural thing you maybe haven't grasped yet is that it's okay to say something nice to someone and still not particularly like that person.
It's just civility. It's not as clandestine as you are describing.
Unless you're in a situation where a close friendship turns out to be a fabrication, there's no harm in being pleasant toward people.
Oh, and you never loan your guns to anyone.
I hope your cold gets better, and I mean that sincerely.
And your earlier post made me LOL. I'd rep you, but I can't -- I'm repping you ALL the time.
Thanks to everyone for the feedback (on the guns, manners, etc).
I have never told people about hating it here...and that when people ask, I merely say I don't think its a good fit or feel like we fit in. Maybe I should have left off the top of my post and just posted about the guns since that is my question.
What prompted my post was on my wife's Facebook wall in the past week or so (since Christmas) there have been about a dozen people with tons of pictures of their kids with guns. As young as 7 years old and a teacher, many of them young girls. Elementary age girls. It is a bit alarming for me to see. It isn't THE reason for wanting to move, we have been in the planning stages (somewhat secretly to avoid insulting people) for over a year.
Now, I have zero issue with people owning guns. It is the the whole "lifestyle" aspect of it. I know there are plenty of guns in New England, especially northern VT, NH, and ME, but it is really mostly hunters.
Oh, and we had one good pizza place here, the guy was from Boston, but they closed when the rent went up.
If you stick to the Cary/Morrisville area, you'll be fine. Come visit.
Sorry about my tangent. I just hear (read) that people have told the locals they don't like it where they are and I often wonder why.
Nothing wrong with telling folks the area isn't a good fit for you if they ask. They might not offer to take you out to test the Christmas rifle, but I don't figure you'll mind being left out.
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