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If you were born and raised in New York, and love it so much that you want to raise your kids there, I could see that it might be tough to be happy down here. Beyond arguing about the relative percentage of chain restaurants, the important thing is that New York is a very big city and Raleigh is a small city. It's very different, and even coming from Massachusetts, I can appreciate how different it must be even if you're not comparing it to the super-dense parts of NY.
Your comment about just driving from one mall to another really rings true, because it seems like, with the exception of downtown, even the good non-chain restaurants and stores are still in some kind of mall. That's just the way life is down here: it's an order of magnitude more car-centric than in Boston or New York.
My only suggestion would be to try living in downtown Raleigh (if you're not already) or maybe Durham, which seems to have more of an artsy/funky vibe than Raleigh. If that doesn't work - and I can see how DTR could seem like an HO-scale version of a "city" after New York - and you're not ready to embrace the suburban lifestyle, then it probably means (unsurprisingly) that this isn't the town for you.
It sounds like you're young, so if it doesn't work out, you'll still have plenty of time to move back to NY or maybe find some other place (possibly overseas) that gives you what you can't find here.
Thank you for your reply. No, it's definitely not just restaurants that I miss - that was just one thing lol. I mean, I guess the thing I really miss is the people I left behind - my family and friends. I miss being able to hang out with my mom or go downtown to meet a friend for dinner, or drive out to the burbs in NY to visit cousins. Obviously, I can make friends here - and I hope to - but I can't make new family. And I keep thinking down the line - if we have kids here - that they will barely know my parents, let alone all their extended family. My husband's not from the US and his parents live abroad, but he has aunts and uncles and cousins in NY, and I would want our kids to know them, too. But none of this is Raleigh's fault, of course.
To be honest, I guess it's kind of hard to express what I miss exactly about the PLACE. It's hard to describe an atmosphere of a place, especially since when most people think of the place you're talking about, they think of something completely different than what you have in mind (in my case outer borough neighborhoods of NYC vs. Manhattan). Anyway, whatever - I'll keep trying to find things that I like here.
Many of us left people behind....we do get that. But while it will be different, your kids will know their family members...it will just be in a different way than what you had.
With modern tech....there is no reason why your children won't know their family no matter where they live....but it takes you letting go of where you've lived and embracing where you are now....and that is not always easy.
Really....let go of the past....find new traditions, new ways to connect....and it will work out.
Okay. Just because I'm not blown away by this area and I don't want to live here any longer than I have to doesn't mean I "want everything handed to me on a silver platter" or that I haven't gone out and done anything to explore and get to know the area a bit. On the contrary - I've been here a month and we have made a concerted effort to do different things to get acquainted with the area. Today we went to Lake Crabtree County Park and the farmers market in Cary, for instance. I'm not much of an outdoors person, but it was nice. When people visit, I will definitely bring them to the park. I think next weekend we may go to the NC Museum of Art.
Anyway - in short - you're wrong. I have been trying to find things that I like, and you know, I never said it's a terrible place for all humanity. I said *I* don't like it and *I* am having trouble adjusting because it doesn't really suit my tastes and I was curious as to whether anyone else is having similar problems. If you love it here - that is great! Like I said above, everyone deserves to live in a place that they love, or at least like.
As to the rest - I will admit that in the downtown area, there are some non-chain places, but that is a very small zone compared to the area in total, which as far as I have seen, is mostly corporate restaurants and stores.
Hold on.
A month?
I've spent more time than that in Philadelphia on business.
You need MUCH more than a month to get to know a place.
Not saying you'll ever love it here, but...
A month?
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I'm sorry but very little in our "teeny tiny downtown" is a chain. In fact, I'd bet that DT Raleigh would love to have the national visibility to get some chain stores. Until then, it's just the "ho-hum" locals that are doing their best to make DT a better place while newcomers choose to settle in the burbs (and then complain about downtown).....but, whatever.
I realize that it's not NYC but "piling on" only makes one lose credibility.
I've been here a year. I left a place I hated from the moment I moved there (Fort Lauderdale) and I ended up living there 32 years.
In spite of my dislike of Florida, I stayed and raised a family there. I made friends. Family moved down. Until the last few years, when nothing but DH's job was keeping us there (and only my brother was left in town), I was OK. Life was fine. There were plenty of good things in my life to make up for the lack of seasons, heat, rude people, etc.
Here, I love the place. Pretty, great climate, friendly people, a bit more to do than back home. (Yes, I'm part Floridian after all of those years there. It got to me after all, LOL). But - I'm at home and the only people I know well are my husband and mom (she's in with us) and that's it. I know a few neighbors casually, but it's kind of lonely. I miss having family/friends nearby.
But when I moved to Florida, it was just the husband and I and given time, things got better!
So what you need to do if you must be here for a while (as I had to do down there) is start to get out and try to meet people/make friends. It's not easy anywhere, but that's the trick, I think. I've not yet done that but in truth, it's my own doing as I've not gone out of the house much to do so. They won't knock on one's door hunting for you! If you get a job, that will start the process. If you're at home, you'll have to make the effort to get out - join a group or something.
A month is too soon to give up. You're homesick as hell and miss what you left. Been there, got the shirt. Hang in there, give it a chance and you might find that you grow to love it. And if you don't, well, down the road, you can go back.
I don't quite feel "home" yet here, even though I love the place. But I moved enough to know it takes a bit of time until that "I'm a newbie" feeling wears off.
OP - Moving to new places always requires adjustment, but it's also a challenge and you will arrive on the other side better informed and more well rounded. Once you orient yourself you might find some advantages to living in Raleigh over NYC, but how much value they hold will depend on your priorities.
Having said that, prosperity in NC is a fairly recent phenomenon, and some of us can remember a time when it was primarily agrarian. Lines of cars would accumulate down rural roads behind a slow moving tractor with trailer upon trailer of tobacco. This only started disappearing a little over 20 years ago.
To some people that have lived in NC their entire lives, some of the newly arrived amenities seem awesome in comparison. A person may come up to you and say there is a new Chinese or Italian restaurant, and then only to find that what they are referring to is Panda Express or Sbarro.. When you speak about the amenities available in NYC, they'll be quick to interpret as condescension which is why you got the response you did..
Raleigh will never be NYC anytime soon. You may find it impossible to penetrate the social circles of the natives, and you may find that they eschew social contact whenever possible with outsiders. It's also the bible belt.
Others have brought up the same points you have, so you're not imagining it. Maybe in a couple years you and your husband will decide it's not the right place for you and move on. I spend 99% of my time living elsewhere than NC. Good luck!
I just moved to this area from New York City because of my husband's job. I was born and raised in NYC - most of my family and friends live there, including my parents - and I have always preferred the city to more suburban areas, even in New York. My husband really couldn't pass up this work opportunity, so I followed him down here - admittedly very reluctantly - but I hoped I would like it once I arrived and settled in. SO many people had told me I would absolutely *love* it here, so I kind of assumed I would arrive, see what they were gushing about, and get on board. (Seriously - the rhapsodic praise for the Triangle that I heard...)
Anyway, I've been here for about a month now and sadly, I like this area maybe even less than I initially thought I would.
Our apartment is spacious and comfortable and finding furniture for it was very easy because, obviously, there are furniture stores everywhere. But as for the area itself, I pretty much hate it.
First of all, it's about 200x's more suburban than I was hoping and life seems pretty much reduced to driving around to and from various malls. "Downtown" is teeny tiny and everything seems to roll up by about 8:30 at night, which is fine because 90% of the restaurants (and stores for that matter) are bland corporate chains anyway so... seen one, seen 'em all. Ho hum. Snooze.
Every time I think about where I came from and where I am now, I start feeling horribly sad. When I think about living here for YEARS or - God forbid - FOREVER, I just want to curl into a ball and cry. NYC is expensive and crowded, I'll admit, but it has personality and character. It's an interesting place and I always hoped to raise my future kids in the city, as I was raised. The idea of raising them here - although I keep hearing that this area is so "family friendly" (whatever that means) - just makes me exhausted and depressed. I keep thinking about how it might be possible for my husband to transfer back to the NYC metro area in a year or two and the uncertainty of our return makes me physically sick.
Anyway, I don't mean to rag on the Triangle. I know a lot of people genuinely love it here (though for reasons I honestly don't understand) and I'm happy they are living in a place they love (I wish I could say the same). I was just wondering if anyone else from a large urban area is having similar feelings about how small and suburban Raleigh, et al. are.
(PS just wanted to add that I have spent a lot of time abroad in Europe and the Middle East and I have never experienced any homesickness like this before, so it's not simply a matter of never being away from home before).
Just wanted to say that I did the opposite move (moved away from Raleigh after having grown up there), and even though I never particularly liked Raleigh when I lived there, I did have nostalgic feelings when I left.
What you are feeling is normal, especially given that you left behind family in NY. Give yourself time to miss what you miss, to grieve what you miss, and then give yourself the space to move on when the time is right.
I will tell you, it took me about a year to get used to my new place, which I now consider home. I would take things slowly if I was in your shoes. There's culture shock on top of NYC nostalgia, mixed in with longing for your family showing up in your post. You have my empathy.
Like you I am from NYC metro area (north jersey) and moved here due to DH's job transfer. After living here for years I still miss the 'vibe' that goes along with living in the NY metro and, all things being equal, would have preferred to stay there and raise my kids - esp since my family is all there.
That being said -- you have been here for A MONTH. That's barely time to get unpacked! A move anywhere is stressful -- you need to give yourself time to get settled. The best way is NOT to wake up every day and say I HATE IT HERE - I want to move back to NY!
Resign yourself to the facts: Raleigh is not NYC. There is a CVS/Walgreens/RiteAid on approximately every fourth intersection. At the rate they are going there will soon be a Target every 3.5 miles. There is a Harris Teeter never more that 1 mile from you. And, yes, you can find just about every chain restaurant here -- and, actually, don't be one of those restaurants snobs -- there's a reason they're popular -- generally good food at reasonable prices.
Here are some more facts: The NC Museum of Art has world-class exhibits -- most are FREE. There are lots of museums downtown that are free also -- great for wandering on a rainy day. There are greenways and bike trails everywhere -- FREE. Every weekend there are farmer's markets in Cary, Morrisville, and of course the State Farmer's Market near downtown -- it's FREE to walk around and as a bonus -- great locally grown produce (and fish!). With the weather getting nicer there are free festivals etc every weekend (PeakFest in Apex, Cary day) If you're up for a longish day trip head to the beach or the mountains -- and there are plenty of cute towns within an hour's drive where you can stroll around downtown and grab lunch at a local restaurant.
Ah restaurants -- seriously? This area is recognized as a great place for fresh, inventive food by a lot of national publications -- there are tons of great places downtown, in Durham, Chapel Hill -- get online & check it out. We had great dinner last night at 18Seaboard.
Give yourself time -- and put yourself in the right frame of mind! This is a new experience and you may become a convert yourself!!
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