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You can't move from downtown NYC to the suburbs of Raleigh and blame the area. You moved from a city to a suburb. If you want to walk to interesting shops and pretty parks, then find a place in a city. Raleigh inside the beltline (especially Brooklyn, Glenwood South, etc) is cute, has independent shops and restaurants, has nice parks, and is still pleasant. Chapel Hill/Carrboro seems to be pretty diverse nowadays too, with a lot of hispanic and (believe it or not) Burmese immigrants. I think Chapel Hill has a similar downtown area, but I haven't seen it for years, so I can't really be sure how big it is nowadays.
Compare city to city, and suburbs to suburbs. I lived in Manhattan and brownstone Brooklyn, and liked it and understand what you're talking about. But I would blow my brains out in suburban NJ. They're not the same thing.
Yep. I felt the same way when I lived there. I regret not exploring that area more, though. There are plenty of gems in the Triangle...
Scenery just seemed like a dull wall of pine trees until you got to the coast, and the people seemed suburban and a little pretentious...
But I think too many people judge a place on how many sunny days there are there every year, and what the media is telling them. That's why Raleigh is popular. It's a bandwagon city. People heard it's great and moved there on spec...
As far as conventional shopping malls and chains go.... that's all of America. You can't hardly even go to downtown Chicago anymore and get any interesting, non-chain food...
Definitely got happier when I quit trying to impress people. (The Triangle's like that -- I always felt like people there tried too hard to show off, lots of yuppie trendy things. Very Keepin' Up With the Joneses. The hipster edge over in Chapel Hill/Carrboro think they're something different, but they're also extremely conformist in their own way. But I don't really know where you could go in America anymore to get away from all that. It's pretty pervasive.)...
Best advice: do something creative, do something for yourself and others, get out and explore. That's how I survive here in the Midwest, where culture isn't really out in the open (weather-related, partly), but you'd be surprised what's going on behind closed doors once you knock. I think culture in the Triangle is more accessible, more public, than up here, so at least you've got that going for you.
I have stated in some other posts that while I am certain there is a "Keeping up with the Joneses" mentality in parts of the triangle, one of the most refreshing things for me here is that there is a hell of A LOT less of it than in NY or any other major city I have been too. As a matter of fact, that is one of the reasons I am here...to be further away from that way of thinking and living. Pretentious is def. not an adjective for the triangle. The only pretense I have encountered is of an intellectual variety and I don't mind because it just means I live around lots of smart folks!
Strip malls and chain restaurants everywhere...for sure. Makes me sad. that's why ChapeL Hill and Durham in particular are such gems!
Too much hype for the triangle, maybe... Clearly true for the minority that come here and don't like it.
There is NO such thing as a DULL wall of pine trees. The fact that it's so green here means that there are many less elements of a concrete jungle and good for us.
FINALLY, to the OP...anyone coming here from a major metropolis (I am lifelong NY'er) expecting to find the same amount or variety of ANYTHING here is misguided and uninformed. Raleigh is a mid-size city. It's not a tourist destination like NY or DC with must see attractions. Nevertheless, for many of us transplants, it's just what the doctor ordered!
For me it's about people, and it sounds like you need friends. I have joined a number of groups, some meetups, and the Raleigh Newcomers Club, which would be a great place to start. They are a warm group of people and have many interest groups you can join, depending on what you like - card games, gardening, walking, stamping, stitchery, etc. I have found so much to do here since I came in August that I haven't had time to feel homesick. I wish you the best.
Some people are urban creatures and others are not...sounds like you are really a "city" person (even though you lived outside of Manhattan), but sometimes this is just not something you can change. That kind of change can come from just aging and priorities changing. But I have a friend who is definitely a urban creature, lives in NYC, pays a fortune, hardly has any $$$ but she loves it and nobody could drag her out of there. NYC is a very different place than any other city in the U.S. Usually people either love it or hate it. I lived there in my youth and you couldn't drag me back there even to visit, but that's me. Hard to say if you will grow into Raleigh or not, but give it a try at least. and, really, you've only been there a month. Not enough time to make a fair decision on the place. NC just isn't "home" to you yet, and it might never be, but who knows, it might grow on you. Although I have to admit I'm the type of person who basically knows whether I like a place or not, right from the git-go. I wish you all the best...I know, I've had that sick to my stomach, homesick feeling a few times, like I just wanted to run...but this too shall pass. You might want to take a trip to Charlotte...that's a bit more big city-ish.
Last edited by loveautumn; 04-08-2014 at 05:15 PM..
Reason: edited comments about children
I have stated in some other posts that while I am certain there is a "Keeping up with the Joneses" mentality in parts of the triangle, one of the most refreshing things for me here is that there is a hell of A LOT less of it than in NY or any other major city I have been too. As a matter of fact, that is one of the reasons I am here...to be further away from that way of thinking and living. Pretentious is def. not an adjective for the triangle. The only pretense I have encountered is of an intellectual variety and I don't mind because it just means I live around lots of smart folks!
Strip malls and chain restaurants everywhere...for sure. Makes me sad. that's why ChapeL Hill and Durham in particular are such gems!
Too much hype for the triangle, maybe... Clearly true for the minority that come here and don't like it.
There is NO such thing as a DULL wall of pine trees. The fact that it's so green here means that there are many less elements of a concrete jungle and good for us.
I would actually agree with a lot of this. There's some intellectual pretension around places like Chapel Hill/ Durham, but at least there's intellect there! I'm not putting down other towns I've lived in when I say this, but it's really hard to find such a concentration of bright people like you find in the Triangle. Other cities I've lived in (Louisville, for instance) strike me as just more "interesting" places city-wise, but I personally have never lived anywhere with the sheer brain-power of the Triangle. Just not sure if that spreads out to the Raleigh suburbs.....
Chapel Hill and Durham are still unique, but Chapel Hill in particular is losing its character fast. I think North Carolina's fortunes peaked a while back (see the recent NY Times article, I think, on the decline of North Carolina.) Even people who love Chapel Hill agree that gentrification is well underway there, and lots of folks are getting priced out. I moved there the first time in 2007 and saw so many changes (most of them negative) the last time I was there in 2013. It's changing that fast. And it's changing in the direction of the same bland suburbia and chain-mall attitude that has already consumed so much of America. And that's partly thanks to the hype. But for the record, I see this in EVERY major college town. It's a bastion of corporate money and investment. Truly public education, even at first-rate public schools like UNC, is really going downhill. You see it in what's happening to college towns like Chapel Hill.
Pine trees.... always loved 'em elsewhere, but man I just missed deciduous trees like heck.
Appreciating the Triangle definitely has a lot to do with your own personal attitude, and I'll be the first to admit that mine wasn't always the greatest 7 years ago when I first lived there. Homesickness is weird, really a kind of mental illness. It does weird stuff to you. Then years later you look back and you think "What was that all about?"
I'm from NJ and dying to get down there! Can't wait to actually breathe fresh clean air as opposed to the air in the armpit of America!!! I'm joking (sorta but I guess what I'm thinking is if you are there "for now", then why not make the best of it? Why not enjoy all the beauty and kind people the area has to offer before you leave? Tomorrow isn't guaranteed to any of us so try and be happy where you are but knowing that it isn't forever and you will eventually be back where you want to be. But to me...it sounds like heaven lol good luck and all the best!
I just moved to this area from New York City because of my husband's job. I was born and raised in NYC - most of my family and friends live there, including my parents - and I have always preferred the city to more suburban areas, even in New York. My husband really couldn't pass up this work opportunity, so I followed him down here - admittedly very reluctantly - but I hoped I would like it once I arrived and settled in. SO many people had told me I would absolutely *love* it here, so I kind of assumed I would arrive, see what they were gushing about, and get on board. (Seriously - the rhapsodic praise for the Triangle that I heard...)
Anyway, I've been here for about a month now and sadly, I like this area maybe even less than I initially thought I would.
Our apartment is spacious and comfortable and finding furniture for it was very easy because, obviously, there are furniture stores everywhere. But as for the area itself, I pretty much hate it.
First of all, it's about 200x's more suburban than I was hoping and life seems pretty much reduced to driving around to and from various malls. "Downtown" is teeny tiny and everything seems to roll up by about 8:30 at night, which is fine because 90% of the restaurants (and stores for that matter) are bland corporate chains anyway so... seen one, seen 'em all. Ho hum. Snooze.
Every time I think about where I came from and where I am now, I start feeling horribly sad. When I think about living here for YEARS or - God forbid - FOREVER, I just want to curl into a ball and cry. NYC is expensive and crowded, I'll admit, but it has personality and character. It's an interesting place and I always hoped to raise my future kids in the city, as I was raised. The idea of raising them here - although I keep hearing that this area is so "family friendly" (whatever that means) - just makes me exhausted and depressed. I keep thinking about how it might be possible for my husband to transfer back to the NYC metro area in a year or two and the uncertainty of our return makes me physically sick.
Anyway, I don't mean to rag on the Triangle. I know a lot of people genuinely love it here (though for reasons I honestly don't understand) and I'm happy they are living in a place they love (I wish I could say the same). I was just wondering if anyone else from a large urban area is having similar feelings about how small and suburban Raleigh, et al. are.
(PS just wanted to add that I have spent a lot of time abroad in Europe and the Middle East and I have never experienced any homesickness like this before, so it's not simply a matter of never being away from home before).
I've visited NYC a couple times and could never see myself living there. Too crowded and it's filthy.
You obviously picked the wrong area to move to. Nothing we say will make you happy, so you might as well move back. Have your husband find a new job.
It sounds like you're stuck here for a while, so why not make the best of it? What's the alternative? Being miserable and making your husband feel the same way. I don't think a month is enough time to know what the area really has to offer. My suggestion is to stop comparing it to NYC, because comparisons cause a lot of unhappiness. Take a trip home as often as you can. Invite friends and family to come down to visit. Find things to appreciate about this area and about life in general. Become an explorer! Every week, pick something new to explore -- such as coffee shops, non-chain restaurants, bars with live music, book shops, galleries and museums, whatever it is you like -- and find a couple of favorites that will become your regular go-to places. Start a blog about Raleigh for NYC transplants (there are lots of them here; I met a man from Brooklyn this morning). Start your own Meetup group for transplanted New Yorkers and share ideas for things to do and places to go, and check them out together. Make friends.
There are many independent restaurants (great ones, too -- foodies love this area for a reason), shops and other places. Here's an idea -- Google "New York Times 36 hours in Raleigh" and then do the same for Durham and Chapel Hill. Try some of the indie places the authors suggest. A warm welcome and all the best to you!
NYC is for those who take in what others have created. Yes, some of the most talented actors, chefs, performers, businesspeople, CEOs, etc live in NYC. Do you want to create your own life or live off of what others have created? In places like Raleigh, you can be generative and create your own life. Its a fine place to do it, from what it seemed for the short period I lived there.
The people you see on TV are from NY and LA and have created their lives, and its their life that you "enrich" your life with. Instead, you can create your own in a place like Raleigh. Its easier there too, because if you want to be a chef, you can afford a house with a nice kitchen and go to the grocery store with little fuss. Get fresh food from the farmers market.
There are other places where you can be more than a number, feeding off the greatness of other, but Raleigh seems as good a place as any.
I would actually agree with a lot of this. There's some intellectual pretension around places like Chapel Hill/ Durham, but at least there's intellect there! I'm not putting down other towns I've lived in when I say this, but it's really hard to find such a concentration of bright people like you find in the Triangle. Other cities I've lived in (Louisville, for instance) strike me as just more "interesting" places city-wise, but I personally have never lived anywhere with the sheer brain-power of the Triangle. Just not sure if that spreads out to the Raleigh suburbs.....
Chapel Hill and Durham are still unique, but Chapel Hill in particular is losing its character fast. I think North Carolina's fortunes peaked a while back (see the recent NY Times article, I think, on the decline of North Carolina.) Even people who love Chapel Hill agree that gentrification is well underway there, and lots of folks are getting priced out. I moved there the first time in 2007 and saw so many changes (most of them negative) the last time I was there in 2013. It's changing that fast. And it's changing in the direction of the same bland suburbia and chain-mall attitude that has already consumed so much of America. And that's partly thanks to the hype. But for the record, I see this in EVERY major college town. It's a bastion of corporate money and investment. Truly public education, even at first-rate public schools like UNC, is really going downhill. You see it in what's happening to college towns like Chapel Hill.
Pine trees.... always loved 'em elsewhere, but man I just missed deciduous trees like heck.
Appreciating the Triangle definitely has a lot to do with your own personal attitude, and I'll be the first to admit that mine wasn't always the greatest 7 years ago when I first lived there. Homesickness is weird, really a kind of mental illness. It does weird stuff to you. Then years later you look back and you think "What was that all about?"
So why do you think none of these intellectuals are choosing to live in a Raleigh suburbs??
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but I guess what I'm thinking is if you are there "for now", then why not make the best of it? Why not enjoy all the beauty and kind people the area has to offer before you leave? Tomorrow isn't guaranteed to any of us so try and be happy where you are but knowing that it isn't forever and you will eventually be back where you want to be. But to me...it sounds like heaven lol 
