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When I rode the subway or bus in NYC, I felt invisible. When I rode the bus a couple times originating in downtown Raleigh, I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.
I'm not rich, but I'm not poor either, and I just felt out of place riding the bus here. Like, why am I taking this bus to the mall when I'm privileged enough to have the means to drive to the mall? It seems like everyone else who has the means to drive is driving. Maybe this sounds weird, and it's possible I was riding it at a weird time (a weekend afternoon), but that's the feeling I got.
Not weird to me and good to read this, we keep saying we are going to start using the bus, to learn the routes and to avoid driving. But we have yet to do this, I think because I don't understand the bus card system. Where I lived before you could buy a transit card for the subway or bus for $5-$10 and charge it for rides.
Not weird to me and good to read this, we keep saying we are going to start using the bus, to learn the routes and to avoid driving. But we have yet to do this, I think because I don't understand the bus card system. Where I lived before you could buy a transit card for the subway or bus for $5-$10 and charge it for rides.
GoTriangle has value cards ($50 value for $40, $25 for $20 and $13.50 for $12) along with the normal week/monthly passes. Those value cards don't expire so that's what I use since I'm not a frequent bus rider and you can use them on all the buses in the area (GoTriangle, GoRaleigh, GoCary, GoDurham). You can buy them online or at the Regional Transit Center near RTP: https://gotriangle.org/fares-passes
Except not in Chapel Hill because all kinds of people ride the bus here.
It's definitely easier to do that there since it's smaller than Raleigh/Durham. It also helps that the college students contribute to the bus riding culture there (many people don't have cars or parking is a hassle at UNC etc...). People do ride the bus a lot around NC State as well because of similar factors but the NC State area is only a small area of Raleigh.
This thread has some great insights.We recently contemplated a job transfer to the North Carolina area from the Dallas suburbs.Our issues with living in the DFW area are somewhat trivial,we hate the opressive summer heat and lack of access to beaches within a few hours driving distance.Those were the factors that led us to explore North Carolina when a job transfer with my employer was presented.We have lived in DFW for 13 years now and grew up in NJ/CT.My spouse and I both left the northeast for college at 18 and have not lived there since...
After scouting trips to the Triangle and Charlotte,we decided against the move.Although North Carolina is considered a southern state,the Triangle area felt mid-atlantic to us,like it is on the cusp of being similar to NOVA.As far as neighborhoods and majority conservative counties/towns,we noticed that more in Charlotte.We were surprised by the county schools and how many issues there are with teacher retention,over crowding and the size of the districts.The Wake County district will serve children belonging to a population of 1.5 million people in the coming years and that seems a bit unnerving to us.We also realized that there are a ton of transplants specifically from the northeast currently moving to the Triangle and many who have moved there already.I don’t care where someone is from.I believe that we are all more alike than different in many ways.But,when people from an area like the northeast are the predominant transplants,I feel like that can really impact the culture.Let me explain...
Here in the Dallas area we have transplants from all over,virtually every state.There is not a concentration from a specific place as much as there is in the Triangle with people from the northeast.After my spouse and I both growing up in the northeast and living in a number of different metros since,we have concluded that the tri-state area is really like no place else.The majority of friends and family we cherish who have grown up there and have stayed in the area as adults are unlike most people we have encountered in the midwest and the south.I feel like many of them are set in their ways,used to a fast paced lifestyle and blunt in a sometimes endearing way,sometimes not so much.Unfortunately,short tempered,self-centered,confrontational etc. is a steretoype that I believe to be accurate more often than not about people who have lived their entire lives in the northeast.I know many people from the NJ area who are all of those things and I still consider all of them to be good people with positive traits as well.If they were to move to a suburban area of Dallas I think most of them would have a really hard time adjusting,again more so than people I know who live in Indiana.There is a certain co-dependency and lack of direction/identity that becomes noticeable when you are raised in the northeast and live elsewhere most of your adult life.People living with their parents into their 30s is not unusual at all in the New Jersey area where my spouse is from.Living an adult lifestyle seems to happen later there.the high school/college lifestyle seems prolonged there much more than in almost all other parts of the country.I could see it being a bit more challenging for someone from New Jersey to assimilate to a slower pace of life in a state where different traditions are valued than someone from say Kansas.
On a daily basis here in the Dallas area we see young men rush to open doors for women and high schoolers address elders as maam and sir.There is a lot for young people to be involved in that has to do with chirch.A football player might also be in band and kids do the wave at sporting events.I do not notice these things as much when we go back to visit family and friends in the northeast area.I can totally understand how some people may love things like this and others not so much.I think that the sense of community and overall value structure is just different for many people in the northeast (not all of course) than in areas like Indiana,Texas and South Carolina for example.I feel like such a large concentration of people from the northeast area moving to the Triangle will absolutely change the dynamic there more than say an even spread of people from Nebraska,California,Illinois,Michigan and Wisconsin moving to the Dallas area.
I can’t remember a time where more people are migrating out of the northeast than right now.If another state offers someone a better life,it is never too late to make a move and take advantage of that.I commend people who have lived somewhere most of their lives that are brave enough to make a move to someplace they are unfamilar with and possibly have no ties too at all for the chance at a better life.
Here is what I don’t understand at all...Moving from a place you grew to dislike then refusing to assimilate to the culture that makes your new place different than where you came from.I don’t know if that is something currently happening in the Triangle with northeast transplants.I hope things are not headed in that direction.There is a reason why states like New Jersey will be in major trouble in the coming years,it is not a mystery.
We also quickly realized that the Triangle area cost of living has increased a lot over the past few years.We had initially looked into a move in 2008 but decided against it then as well.Between state income tax,car tax and rising property taxes,I think it is important to make a move to the Triangle these days for the right reasons and not because of the past hype that it is affordable or that different than a number of other places at this point.
Excellent post, and thanks for taking time to write it. Lots of great info and insights. One of your many good points: "Moving from a place you grew to dislike then refusing to assimilate to the culture that makes your new place different than where you came from."
I think that some people, not all, regardless of where they are from, move for the wrong reasons, for example, a lower cost of living or a less harsh winter. While those issues may be true in the "new place" (Triangle vs NE), there are many other differences that are either ignored or sidestepped after the move to the new place. A desire for a lower cost of living and/or a less harsh winter are valid reasons to motivate someone to move, but they shouldn't be the only reasons to relocate, in my view.
Also, some people simply don't care about fitting in, unfortunately, regardless of where they are from. It's being self-centered and inconsiderate, and creates bad feelings and unpleasant vibes to be around them. Unfortunately, there are rude folks everywhere, some are newcomers, and some are locals, but at the very least one hopes that newcomers try to put their best foot forward in a new location and try to adapt to their new culture and new setting. Just my 2 cents.
Also, some people simply don't care about fitting in, unfortunately, regardless of where they are from. It's being self-centered and inconsiderate, and creates bad feelings and unpleasant vibes to be around them. Unfortunately, there are rude folks everywhere, some are newcomers, and some are locals, but at the very least one hopes that newcomers try to put their best foot forward in a new location and try to adapt to their new culture and new setting. Just my 2 cents.
The thing is, it's a tough line to ride. If I walked around trying to talk with a southern drawl, said y'all all the time, etc, I'm not sure that it would be received so well. And I don't think it should...you can't just show up and immediately fit in...it's something that takes years and years. There needs to be respect on both sides - a transplant needs to respect the southern culture, and a native needs to respect the fact that it takes time to assimilate.
Ps - I realize this isn't about southern drawls, it was just an easy example.
I'm not sure about "a native needs to respect the fact that it takes time to assimilate". I mean, if folks don't speak the language I think that's fair, but I think what annoys longtime NC residents the most is when folks move here from other parts of the country and are rude and complain all the time. I don't think there's an excuse for that if they are from the larger American culture. Excuses could be made for someone from a foreign country who doesn't know American customs, but beyond that I'm not so sure.
I don't think many NC-ers mind giving new neighbors directions or otherwise helping them settle in, but when the new neighbors start in on incessant complaining about why can't they do a better job about clearing the roads or why don't they have neighborhood schools or why isn't there any good New York pizza it gets really, really old. We are not required to respect that kind of attitude.
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you can't just show up and immediately fit in...it's something that takes years and years
You can show up and immediately be nice and polite. And I know plenty of people from all over who fit in great without "years and years" of assimilation. All it takes is being a genuinely nice person. We don't care if you talk funny if you're kind and polite.
If the new neighbors want to share their great NY Pizza recipe or open a new bagel joint we're all about it. And by and large most newcomers I have met do have positive attitudes and seem glad to be here and I'm happy to meet them and show them around, etc.
I'm not sure about "a native needs to respect the fact that it takes time to assimilate". I mean, if folks don't speak the language I think that's fair, but I think what annoys longtime NC residents the most is when folks move here from other parts of the country and are rude and complain all the time. I don't think there's an excuse for that if they are from the larger American culture. Excuses could be made for someone from a foreign country who doesn't know American customs, but beyond that I'm not so sure.
I don't think many NC-ers mind giving new neighbors directions or otherwise helping them settle in, but when the new neighbors start in on incessant complaining about why can't they do a better job about clearing the roads or why don't they have neighborhood schools or why isn't there any good New York pizza it gets really, really old. We are not required to respect that kind of attitude.
If the new neighbors want to share their great NY Pizza recipe, though, or open a new bagel joint we're all about it. And by and large most newcomers I have met do have positive attitudes and seem glad to be here and I'm happy to meet them and show them around, etc.
I think there's a big difference between those who moved voluntarily versus those who moved for a job or strictly because they couldn't afford where they came from. Those who have moved voluntarily have hopefully done their due diligence and there shouldn't be many surprises. Those who did not move voluntarily are likely the ones complaining if I were to guess.
Nah. They're just the people who like to complain. Some people make a sport of it. They could be on the US Olympic Complaining Team. You read it in the threads on here all the time. Some of them have been here for years and years.
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