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If you had millions of dollars, you'd go back in a second.
You had no money, you'd stay put.
You don't need to (and shouldn't) get into the financial side of it with strangers on the Internet, but obviously the extent to which you can absorb a significant but not earth-shattering financial loss is a big factor here. You are, basically, indulging yourself, even if it's with good reason. If you can afford to do that without it making a big impact, that's a big obstacle that's been removed.
If it is a big hit, that's an argument to suck it up. 6% of the sale plus 2x moving expenses could easily be $15,000 or more. Not a lot over many years but you do have to square off the loan on the new place if you dump it - and buyers will be suspicious that you suddenly decided you didn't like it!
As for the basis of the decision itself, what I'd ask in your place is whether the new house has any material advantage to your lives. Is there anything you can do there more easily, more often, or in a more satisfying way? Does it play any role in your day-to-day life with your family? There are a lot of intangibles about a house and everybody values those differently.
Because if there isn't any material advantage - that is, your commute times aren't shorter, you don't have more room for family, you don't particularly enjoy the new neighborhood any more than the old one...then it sounds like the only thing the new place has going for it is that it's in a nicer neighborhood. Forget whether you feel comfortable around other people living nearby for the moment; you can gain familiarity and comfort with things like that. It may sound cliche but this is a good time to bust out the old 'pro and con' list. It's tough for me to believe that there is genuinely nothing other than a generalized feeling of 'better' that drew you to a new house -- the excitement of the process can easily add imaginary value but it's tough for it to conjure a basic value out of whole cloth.
If you and your spouse go through that list and realize that there is nothing that matters to you that is superior in the new place, then I'd act accordingly. As an alternative suggestion, take a week and get out of town. Go on vacation, even if it's one state over. Get some perspective on what you'd like to come back to!
Thank you for the very thoughtful and helpful reply. I greatly appreciate it. I am going to break out the pro and con list as you suggested - certainly something I should have done before we moved - but as I said, I think I was just stupidly and naively caught up in all the excitement of buying a new house. I never considered the fact that I already liked where I lived and could potentially be this unhappy my new home.
Totally aside from where you end up living - remember that your pets read you a heck of a lot better than you read them and take their cues from you. YOU are telling them, all the time, in many ways, that this house is a horrible place to be.
If you were happy with where you live, they would be a little unsettled at first at the change but would quickly settle in because "Mom" is fine with it.
So don't use wanting them to be happy as a reason to move back. They'll be happy wherever you are happy - their happiness and security is you, not a place.
How far is your old house? If it's not very far, turn it into a rental and become a landlord. If you're successful in the landlord business, you might eventually own dozens of houses, and have lots of tenants. Then you can pick and choose which house you want to live in.
Also -- keep the animals separated for a little while longer -- and do some scent swapping. Rub one with a towel and then show it to the other animal, let him sniff it, and them rub it on him and take it back to the other animal. Also -- have them switch rooms -- what you are doing is reintroducing the animals to the each other in the new house.
When you finally put them back together, their scents will be on each other and around the house, and it won't be as scary for them.
Full moon coming up. Build a campfire, stare into the flames, and ask yourself where you and your husband would be happiest.
If it's the old house, then pack up and head back. Your new upscale house will be a great rental for an upscale family. There's a lot to learn in being a landlord, but plenty of people do it. 30 years from now you'll be glad you did.
If it's just that you miss your old neighborhood, old neighbors, shorter commute remind yourself that someday this will be the neighborhood and neighbors you'll be missing.
Dream on it and when you wake up, you will know the answer.
The cats will get used to whatever you decide is right for you and your husband.
Thanks for the replies. I think temporarily suspending the listing might make sense, thank you for the excellent suggestion.
Regarding why we moved, I think we just wanted to "move up" to a better neighborhood. We felt that with interest rates this low there might never be a better chance. So we went for it. There was nothing wrong with our old neighborhood, it is a solid and safe middle-class town. The new town is considered more desirable, the people there are more wealthy and the home values are higher. I think I got sucked in by that, and by the curb appeal of the house and the street. But now that I'm there I don't like the house at all and wish I was back home in my old one.
Like your pets it's gonna take time for you too to adjust to new surroundings because everything is "wrong". Give it some time. You may change your mind. There is going to be a adjustment period. I think that you're used to your old house so thus house is not your old one.
Regarding why we moved, I think we just wanted to "move up" to a better neighborhood. We felt that with interest rates this low there might never be a better chance. So we went for it. There was nothing wrong with our old neighborhood, it is a solid and safe middle-class town. The new town is considered more desirable, the people there are more wealthy and the home values are higher. I think I got sucked in by that, and by the curb appeal of the house and the street. But now that I'm there I don't like the house at all and wish I was back home in my old one.
So emotional reasons prompted the move and emotional reasons ( plus big one of 2 mortgages) driving this move to sell new buy
neither seems like reasoned thinking
We bought house due to job relocation decades ago
Nice neighborhood, good school, but short time to decide and hot housing market-- I wasn't that sure although my husband and kids liked it. I caved--felt pressured to make decision. We bought-- but there were things I hated about house's layout that I still hated 28 yrs later when we sold it.
Give me 3 logical reasons that you don't like the house that have to do with floorplan/design
Not just my cats hate it--because they are likely picking up your negative mindset-- cats hate change and if you are unhappy they can feel it
If you can afford to keep the first home, put it back on the market as a rental. Rent it for a year, and actively work on the new house, making yourself familiar and comfortable in the new town and new house. Your emotions are fueling your desire to run back to what's safe and familiar, but you may find that the new house grows on you as you live in it, or not. If, after the lease is up on the original house, you want to move back to it, you will have nothing to lose.
As for being worried about how it would look to others, who cares? They are not paying your bills, so they have no means through which they can comment about where you want to live. You can always say that you moved back because of the company and friends you had in the old neighborhood, and just missed the familiarity, so you chose to return. There is no failure, no need to even think like that. You and your husband can make a choice about where you want to live. You may come to love the new house/town in a year, but you have to give it a try to know for sure.
__________________
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
~William Shakespeare (As You Like It Act II, Scene VII)
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