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I said she was greedy in an earlier post but if your husband can get her to throw it in as a reduced expense I'd say go for it. If it's to go in her pocket then it's nothing more than the G word.
You might just step back & support your husband 100% without saying a lot to the sister / family. Life must go on after the sale & family is usually what's important.
Could you explain what you mean by a reduced expense?
Also, my sister in law is NOT the referring agent. The agent that they want to market the house was referred to them by a neighbor. So does that have any affect on the legality of his sisters entitlement to a referral fee??
Thanks!!
elljay
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakin
I said she was greedy in an earlier post but if your husband can get her to throw it in as a reduced expense I'd say go for it. If it's to go in her pocket then it's nothing more than the G word.
You might just step back & support your husband 100% without saying a lot to the sister / family. Life must go on after the sale & family is usually what's important.
None of the rest of us knew what "referral" meant other than refer clients to each other when appropriate. We had no idea until we inquired more deeply that there was a "fee" involved and that "fee" was a percentage of the selling agents commission which goes to his sister (who is not the referral agent) and her broker (who has nothing to do with the sale of this house).
My son bought a house recently and my entire commission went towards his closing costs to help reduce his expenses. I did it for my son cause it was the right thing to do.
If the money the sister recieves is thrown back into the kitty for all to split I would think that would be the right thing to do. This would in effect reduce the expense of the listing agent and give it back to the kids.
She may have some serious bills or debt. In that case she's looking for a pay check.
It's probably not worth splitting the family over a referal fee if she insists.
Oh my goodness........... 4 years of this crap!! I'd have pulled my hair out by now!!
We actually have been going through alot of stuff over the last several years with regard to his mother and the house is just the icing on the cake! His mom has dementia and up until 16 months ago was living on her own! My husband made countless attempts to hold family meetings about the deterioration of his mother's mental state. They all had excuses why they couldn't find time to get together. Then in february of 2007, she fell outside while shoveling her snow!!!! The snow was another issue that he tried to address many times, but no one would give any time to help out and we live over an hour away from her house. Anyway, she ended up in the hospital with a broken wrist and gash in her head. His sisters never mentioned her mental state to any of the doctors and they kept doing CT scans on her thinking she suffered severe head trauma from the fall. When my husband realized what was going on, he got a hold of the drs and it was obvious that she was not capable of living on her own. His siblings were furious with him for being honest with the drs because they just wanted to take her back home and close the door!! So he and I went looking for a nice place for her to live and we had only 2 days to do this because the hospital could no longer keep. What a major nightmare this whole thing was and the poor women had no idea what was going on!! We hired an elder care attorney, a medicaid expert and a patient advocate for the elderly to help through all the legal transactions. Fortunately, she is in a really nice place and is doing very well!! But what an ordeal dealing with his siblings!!!
Even if his sister shared her portion of the referral fee or gave it towards the care of his mother............ what right does she have to expect to get one in the first place and why should her broker be given any part of that fee?? She is not the referring agent in the first place. Is there any advantage to asking the selling agent to reduce her part of the commission when we expect her to make this house a top priority and sell it fast at fair market value?
I appreciate all of your input......thanks so much! I really hope your situation improves!
elljay
Quote:
Originally Posted by Janecj
I'm actually going through the exact same scenario. Three other siblings involved. The difference is that I'm the only one pushing it to get done (its been 4 years and we finally have put the house on the market because no one would budge). I asked for a referral fee 25% so we can get a break on the commission and we are splitting this between us. I would never keep it just for me.. although I am the only one that has made the arrangements talking to realtors, fixed up the house, and have tried to keep the peace between us as I'm the only one anyone talks to,.. but I am not the executor of the estate.
Hang in there. Try to be neutral as possible and keep the big picture in sight. I hope to be finally done with this myself... it's been going on .. like I said for over 4 years.
P.S. I love the statement you said about putting their heads in the Sand. I so feel the same way. I always felt that the siblings scenario was: if I don't believe it exists.. then it will go away.
Wow!! That was very generous of you and exactly what we would have done without question.
Even if the sister shares her part of the fee with her siblings or her mother's care, how do we justify giving her broker a fee for doing nothing while cutting back on the selling agents commission?
I'm trying to understand how to view this transaction through different eyes........
elljay
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakin
My son bought a house recently and my entire commission went towards his closing costs to help reduce his expenses. I did it for my son cause it was the right thing to do.
If the money the sister recieves is thrown back into the kitty for all to split I would think that would be the right thing to do. This would in effect reduce the expense of the listing agent and give it back to the kids.
She may have some serious bills or debt. In that case she's looking for a pay check.
It's probably not worth splitting the family over a referal fee if she insists.
Oh my goodness........... 4 years of this crap!! I'd have pulled my hair out by now!!
We actually have been going through alot of stuff over the last several years with regard to his mother and the house is just the icing on the cake! His mom has dementia and up until 16 months ago was living on her own! My husband made countless attempts to hold family meetings about the deterioration of his mother's mental state. They all had excuses why they couldn't find time to get together. Then in february of 2007, she fell outside while shoveling her snow!!!! The snow was another issue that he tried to address many times, but no one would give any time to help out and we live over an hour away from her house. Anyway, she ended up in the hospital with a broken wrist and gash in her head. His sisters never mentioned her mental state to any of the doctors and they kept doing CT scans on her thinking she suffered severe head trauma from the fall. When my husband realized what was going on, he got a hold of the drs and it was obvious that she was not capable of living on her own. His siblings were furious with him for being honest with the drs because they just wanted to take her back home and close the door!! So he and I went looking for a nice place for her to live and we had only 2 days to do this because the hospital could no longer keep. What a major nightmare this whole thing was and the poor women had no idea what was going on!! We hired an elder care attorney, a medicaid expert and a patient advocate for the elderly to help through all the legal transactions. Fortunately, she is in a really nice place and is doing very well!! But what an ordeal dealing with his siblings!!!
Even if his sister shared her portion of the referral fee or gave it towards the care of his mother............ what right does she have to expect to get one in the first place and why should her broker be given any part of that fee?? She is not the referring agent in the first place. Is there any advantage to asking the selling agent to reduce her part of the commission when we expect her to make this house a top priority and sell it fast at fair market value?
I appreciate all of your input......thanks so much! I really hope your situation improves!
elljay
Ok.. I think I understand. The agent sister in law did not refer the current agent you are listing with? Correct? The current agent was a referral from the neighbor, correct? If that is the case.. your sister-in-law (agent) most likely would not be able to collect a referral fee when you already have chosen a real estate agent. She can try to "get the referral out of the current agent" but that would be unlikely at this point. She could refer another agent, and get a referral and split if with you all from a reduced commission stand point. Now, my broker is not charging me a split fee of my home for sale because it is my own property and understands. Not all are like that though.
I can't even begin to tell you what I've been through with Doctors, selling houses for my parents, etc. My Dad was in and out of hospitals for 7 years (at least 3 times a year). All the siblings live out of the immediate area. No one would help. I did what I could, but there is always animosity about the whole situation. There is always someone that thinks they did more than the other sibling and deserve more. It was the most exhausting time of my life and it still is not over.
I finally have an offer on the table right now on the house. Everyone is squabbling over the counter offer. Thank Gosh I hired a good realtor to take me out of it. I can't take it any more. Let's get it sold. And the amount is something like 4k right now. I hope it works out better for you. My one brother and sister no longer speak. My other brother is neutral as I am. I so want this over with.. I truly have been dealing with this since my Dad was in the hospital years ago - he passed away in 2004 and was ill since 1996. I keep waiting for all of them (siblings) to see the "light". I don't think they ever will get past their pride or their pocket book.
I wish you well and try to not let this get to you, but I know it is easier said then done.
Ok.. I think I understand. The agent sister in law did not refer the current agent you are listing with? Correct? The current agent was a referral from the neighbor, correct? If that is the case.. your sister-in-law (agent) most likely would not be able to collect a referral fee when you already have chosen a real estate agent. She can try to "get the referral out of the current agent" but that would be unlikely at this point. She could refer another agent, and get a referral and split if with you all from a reduced commission stand point. Now, my broker is not charging me a split fee of my home for sale because it is my own property and understands. Not all are like that though.
Elljay, I'm very sympathetic to the hard times that you and your husband are going through, but I believe you could be cutting your sister-in-law some breaks. It's her mom who is in the nursing home and it's her mom's old house.
There are always at least two sides of every story.
From reading the posts, the OP is only presenter her side of her in-laws personal family situation.
I'm not sure about all the family dynamics, but I think most of the people who responded are too harsh on the sister-in-law (who we haven't heard from).
The OP is only related to the situation by marriage (it's her husband, her mother-in-law, and his siblings).
The OP has quite vocal against her in-laws. She's said that the sister-in-law has had her chance to sell the property and now they are going to do it without her. She's said that her in-laws were less than forthcoming about their mom's mental abilities (probably because they didn't want their mom in a nursing home).
The sister-in-law one of the 4 owners of the property and one of the decision-makers in who who to hire. She has also invested time/energy in marketing the house (although doing probably a less-than-enthusiastic job of trying to sell her childhood home). She could negotiate a referral fee, and arguably can either put the money back in the kitty, or she could keep it (as a fee for her efforts).
As one of the owners of the property, she has as least as much right to the property as the OP (if not more).
The OP's only interest in the property is her relationship with her husband (one of the four part-owners).
When dealing with family, situations have the makings of turning ugly. Why not just make some concessions for the sake of peace? We're not talking about a huge amount of money when put in perspective with the value of the relationship between family members.
There is NO current agent. The SIL is "leaching" as they interview propective agents. If the listing is signed with THE BEST AGENT and that agent agrees to toss the SIL a referral consider it "hush money" as maybe he/she knows that things will be easier with the SIL keeping her lazy mouth shut...
Just as janecj's sibs are squabbling over a counter on her dad's place it is always easier to keep the potential squeaky wheels well greased.
Smart Realtors know that SOME money given to a referal or a cooperating broker beats the pants off a deal falling apart over a small amount. Most successful Realtors will NOT "throttle down" the important things JUST because a commission is lowered, of course they are not going to waste caviar showings on an "Archie Bunker" house either.
On the other hand even if the BEST REALTOR that you decide to sign the listing with does NOT agree to the referral MAYBE SIL will come to the realization that NO SALE == NOTHING FOR NOBODY, keep your fingers and toes crossed on that one!
Thanks for your input, however, you are way off course with your assumptions about my situation with my SIL.
I have been the one who has given her the benefit of the doubt throughout her negligence with her mother and throughout the nonsense that she has pulled with this house. She has proven to be dishonest and disloyal time and time again. My husband is at wits end and will not give in to her latest shenanigans. I am trying to gather as much information as I can to help them all come to a mutual agreement. Why am "I" doing this, since I am only the inlaw?? Because I have been asked to do the research by my husband and his brother. His other sister could not care less and will go along with whatever is mutually decided by the other three.
I have given the pertinent facts here and not the whole story. Yes it is my version but it is factual. The siblings have been out of that house from 30 up to 40 years. You would think they had some sentimental value there........... nope, not one of them. But that's a whole other story.
As for placing their mom in a nursing home...... no, they did not want to do that because it was more convenient for three of them to keep her in her home then have to visit her elsewhere. My husband offered to take her in with us, but we would have had to create a comfortable living space for her ...... they wouldn't have any part of it. He is the youngest of the four, yet he had to be the one to make the final decision to place her in a nursing home. They all knew for several years that she had severe problems with her memory, but my husband was the only one who verbalized his concerns about her safety and well being. Again, only part of the story....... unfortunately it doesn't get any better.
I know this story is very hard to believe............ it's even harder to accept on this end.
It's not about the money, never was. It's far more important than that and I truly hope they can work it out.
Thanks again for your input!
elljay
Quote:
Originally Posted by jinxor
Elljay, I'm very sympathetic to the hard times that you and your husband are going through, but I believe you could be cutting your sister-in-law some breaks. It's her mom who is in the nursing home and it's her mom's old house.
There are always at least two sides of every story.
From reading the posts, the OP is only presenter her side of her in-laws personal family situation.
I'm not sure about all the family dynamics, but I think most of the people who responded are too harsh on the sister-in-law (who we haven't heard from).
The OP is only related to the situation by marriage (it's her husband, her mother-in-law, and his siblings).
The OP has quite vocal against her in-laws. She's said that the sister-in-law has had her chance to sell the property and now they are going to do it without her. She's said that her in-laws were less than forthcoming about their mom's mental abilities (probably because they didn't want their mom in a nursing home).
The sister-in-law one of the 4 owners of the property and one of the decision-makers in who who to hire. She has also invested time/energy in marketing the house (although doing probably a less-than-enthusiastic job of trying to sell her childhood home). She could negotiate a referral fee, and arguably can either put the money back in the kitty, or she could keep it (as a fee for her efforts).
As one of the owners of the property, she has as least as much right to the property as the OP (if not more).
The OP's only interest in the property is her relationship with her husband (one of the four part-owners).
When dealing with family, situations have the makings of turning ugly. Why not just make some concessions for the sake of peace? We're not talking about a huge amount of money when put in perspective with the value of the relationship between family members.
Yes, you have the situation correct. However, my SIL informed my husband today that she spoke to the agent and got a verbal ok for the referral. He spoke to the agent and she told him she said ok to his sister because she didn't want to lose the listing. He's livid at this point and has refused to sign any paperwork with any agent that agrees to fork over money to his sisters broker.
His sister is getting one quarter of the profit of the house when it is sold, just like the others. All of his time and so forth have been uncompensated, so he feels why should her broker get compensated for just being her broker??
He has tried to reason with her many times...... but she just turns him off as if he wasn't there. She constantly changes her story and gets so caught up in her tales....... that's why the other two won't deal with her. This is going to get very ugly before it gets better. I dislike all of this drama so much........ too stressful and energy draining for everyone.
I know it can be very stressful dealing with ill parents and their death. When my husbands father died a few years ago, my SIL (the agent) rushed right out to CA to be with him on his dying bed. Not because she cared about him, but she couldn't wait to rummage through his things! My husband said she showed up at his fathers house looking like Mary Poppins with all her empty luggage!! While my husband and his brother took care of his dads cremation and burial arrangements, his sister was packing her bags with whatever she could carry out. Then she hopped on a plane home even before he was buried! His dad's live in companion kept trying to hide things so his sister wouldn't take them......... now how sad is that!!
It is so much easier to get along than it is to fight. Life is too short to waste on such negativity.
I hope your family can agree on a counter offer and you sell the house. It's time to get on with your life and put this nonsense to rest already!!
All the best to you! Please let us know how things go!
elljay
Quote:
Originally Posted by Janecj
Ok.. I think I understand. The agent sister in law did not refer the current agent you are listing with? Correct? The current agent was a referral from the neighbor, correct? If that is the case.. your sister-in-law (agent) most likely would not be able to collect a referral fee when you already have chosen a real estate agent. She can try to "get the referral out of the current agent" but that would be unlikely at this point. She could refer another agent, and get a referral and split if with you all from a reduced commission stand point. Now, my broker is not charging me a split fee of my home for sale because it is my own property and understands. Not all are like that though.
I can't even begin to tell you what I've been through with Doctors, selling houses for my parents, etc. My Dad was in and out of hospitals for 7 years (at least 3 times a year). All the siblings live out of the immediate area. No one would help. I did what I could, but there is always animosity about the whole situation. There is always someone that thinks they did more than the other sibling and deserve more. It was the most exhausting time of my life and it still is not over.
I finally have an offer on the table right now on the house. Everyone is squabbling over the counter offer. Thank Gosh I hired a good realtor to take me out of it. I can't take it any more. Let's get it sold. And the amount is something like 4k right now. I hope it works out better for you. My one brother and sister no longer speak. My other brother is neutral as I am. I so want this over with.. I truly have been dealing with this since my Dad was in the hospital years ago - he passed away in 2004 and was ill since 1996. I keep waiting for all of them (siblings) to see the "light". I don't think they ever will get past their pride or their pocket book.
I wish you well and try to not let this get to you, but I know it is easier said then done.
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