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... I am confident I'll never cheat because I have no desire to and because of my lack of desire for it, I have personal boundariesthat I do not cross. . .
And that, is the key. And wise people put the boundaries in place before the water ever gets murky.
People may say they "never intended" to have an affair, but they make little decisions, one after another, ignore the little nagging voice in their head that says "Don't do this" or "This is wrooooooooooooong" and traipse their way into a mess. Affairs don't "happen to you" - you make them happen - through deliberate action or deliberate inaction and failure to pro-actively protect and deflect.
At the risk of making mortal enemies here I have to take another view. Cheating? So once you are with some one you can never again enjoy some one else? How selfish. How unnatural. Slaves with no opinions, no voice, no attractions to others anymore. In this world of political correctness crap and human rights, I don't believe in anyone being owned by another. I believe in total freedom. Marriage is not ownership. A girl/boy friend is not ownership. No human has exclusive rights to ownership to anyone. That is bullsheet.
Open relationships are not for everyone but they don't make those participating in it bad either. As previously noted in several posts, men are not wired to exist with just one partner. Some women are not either. Even in the animal kingdom the males are instinctively wired to have as many partners as they can. If you want to blame some one then blame your God for making man and woman incompatible but that's the way it is.
What I do not agree with is establishing a relationship with another and sneaking-seeking out other partners without telling. I still hesitate to call this cheating but it is wrong nevertheless.
Some one who says I own you and you are not allowed to do this and that is a slave driver as well as selfish. Can I use that curse word jealousy? Jealousy is a horrible disease. No marriage can survive it.
If most of us humans had better communication skills there would be almost zero divorce rates. If most of us humans never got bored of the same ol sexual partner there would be almost zero divorce rates. Since both of these scenarios do not exist then the need to seek multiple partners will always be a part of humanity.
It's a nice fantasy to think that would be true, but it's a myth. It's a fact that those people who are most adamant that they'd never cheat are also the most likely to do so, because they lack the awareness and defenses to stop themselves in those spontaneous - often drunken - situations that often lead to cheating. If you love your spouse, you may be less likely to cheat repeatedly or deliberately.
Sorry, but that's a load of bull feces. Like many adults who have an ounce of maturity and self-actualization, I know myself well enough to be able to say what I would and would not do, and I would not cheat on someone I love.
Sorry, but that's a load of bull feces. Like many adults who have an ounce of maturity and self-actualization, I know myself well enough to be able to say what I would and would not do, and I would not cheat on someone I love.
Actually I agree with Tao. Probably because he is correct. Do you know anyone who has brass balls big enough to come on a public forum and be honest? Especially since their other half is probably standing behind them reading the screen? I didn't think so.
At the risk of making mortal enemies here I have to take another view. Cheating? So once you are with some one you can never again enjoy some one else? How selfish. How unnatural. Slaves with no opinions, no voice, no attractions to others anymore. In this world of political correctness crap and human rights, I don't believe in anyone being owned by another. I believe in total freedom. Marriage is not ownership. A girl/boy friend is not ownership. No human has exclusive rights to ownership to anyone. That is bullsheet.
Open relationships are not for everyone but they don't make those participating in it bad either. As previously noted in several posts, men are not wired to exist with just one partner. Some women are not either. Even in the animal kingdom the males are instinctively wired to have as many partners as they can. If you want to blame some one then blame your God for making man and woman incompatible but that's the way it is.
What I do not agree with is establishing a relationship with another and sneaking-seeking out other partners without telling. I still hesitate to call this cheating but it is wrong nevertheless.
Some one who says I own you and you are not allowed to do this and that is a slave driver as well as selfish. Can I use that curse word jealousy? Jealousy is a horrible disease. No marriage can survive it.
If most of us humans had better communication skills there would be almost zero divorce rates. If most of us humans never got bored of the same ol sexual partner there would be almost zero divorce rates. Since both of these scenarios do not exist then the need to seek multiple partners will always be a part of humanity.
I always wondered about open relationships and if they would work for me, what is the number of men you would allow your wife or girlfriend to have beside you? A brigade, an infantry,a division, team, a band, or just two or three sexual out lets. I would expect at some point I have my number and one more would be too many guys for me to share her with.
Actually I agree with Tao. Probably because he is correct. Do you know anyone who has brass balls big enough to come on a public forum and be honest? Especially since their other half is probably standing behind them reading the screen? I didn't think so.
I guess that's another crucial difference - my husband and I don't look over each other shoulders constantly, we actually trust each other. But you make a good point - relationships which lack trust are possibly more likely to result in an affair.
This is a duh thread. Is anyone honestly going to disagree without being immediately smited?
No. It's easier to just not respond to the thread at all.
With the phrasing "if you truly love someone", then no, I personally can't see how it would be possible to cheat on one's SO.
But, many people, as has been stated already, have different ways of looking at "doing it" and intimacy etc. , and may not feel cheated on if the partner "does it" with someone else (and vice versa). If they can live like that without getting hurt or whatever, then to each his/her own.
I actually have to go to bed right now (working for the church sucks when it means having to work early on Sundays) so I don't have time to think any deeper about the subject. That's all from me, good night y'all!
wise people put the boundaries in place before the water ever gets murky.
Yes, that's the key.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshineleith
People may say they "never intended" to have an affair, but they make little decisions, one after another, ignore the little nagging voice in their head that says "Don't do this" or "This is wrooooooooooooong" and traipse their way into a mess. Affairs don't "happen to you" - you make them happen - through deliberate action or deliberate inaction and failure to pro-actively protect and deflect.
Yep.
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