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My first very serious relationship was with a white guy, which lasted 4 years. We met while working at a summer camp and I was instantly attracted to him but being shy and thinking that race would be an obstacle, I never approached him. HE befriended me and made the first romantic move. We were all of 17 and 19 at the time and had so much in common. That same summer, he met my family, and they were cool, although my dad was skeptical. By the time I met his family it was after Thanksgiving. His mom was lovely and his brother, aunt and uncle were cool but I never felt comfortable around my bf's childhood friends or his dad. His college friends were diverse and all nice.
My mom told me years later that my dad called bf's dad to introduce himself and he got blown off. The guy told my dad that he had "nothing to say about the relationship" and that my bf was "no good." BTW, bf was attending an Ivy League college. I concluded that bf was "no good" for dating me. BTW, I was attending a Seven Sister College. That must have been one of the most humiliating moments of my dad's life when all he was trying to do was learn about the family of the young man his daughter was dating.
By the time my bf was in his senior year of college, I started noticing a change. I think he concluded that life with a black woman/kids would be tough and he wasn't going to give up the privileges he had as a white person. Soon after, he began having affairs and we broke up.
He later apologized for his actions with deep regret and we have been in touch on and off over the past 24 years -- just talking -- we never dated again.
Although race relations have improved since the 1980s and dating a black woman isn't so stigmatized anymore, there are still some people who see a black women as a deficit. Had I been white, I'm sure I would have been the ideal wife/girlfriend.
However we often perceive that non-black men are not interested in us. If they don't look our way, talk to us, let alone ask us out, how can there be a marriage
Could you, oh I dunno, actually try to initiate contact with other men? It seems as if that's too much to ask "modern", "strong", and "independent" ladies these days. So much for equality...
Anyway, as someone who has dated women of many races, here are my takes. Some are generalities and even stereotypes but experience tends to bear this out:
1. Black women tend to be more agressive. Some men find this to be a turn off.
2. Obesity in general is up but black women seem to not find an issue with their weight, at least not as much compared to weight women. Most men just aren't into "bootylicious."
3. I do not find black women, in general, to be attractive. I like women with long and glossy hair, not nappy. You can not help the hair you have, I understand that, but the type of hair most black women sport does not attract me. Also, their features tend to be a tad blunt and I like fine featured women
4. As a percentage, there are more single mothers whom are black compared to those who are white- that's a turn off for a man.
Dude, I have to applaud your brave honesty.
That number 3 there is the prime reason black women never look attractive to me. Their hair is a critical turn off. It's not their fault. It's just genetics.
They are good friends though. Very cordial and funny. They make great table conversation folks. There's always a ton of jokes flying around.
I think a lot of white men simply aren't attracted to black women. We can't help who we are attracted to. Contrary to Ameiko's preferences, however, the black women/white men relationships that I've seen, the black women have been very dark skinned with natural hair so there are white men out there who love women with that look.
I think the family and friends of the man is the number two reason of what holds white men back from dating black women. What are those in their circles going to think? As a black woman, I am attracted to who I'm attracted to and that is an attractive man of any race. Black women ARE starting to expand their options and that is a beautiful thing.
We catch hell from black women for dating out of the race!!
PLEASE: I am kindly asking all here to keep the discussion from veering in this direction. I want to stay on the topic of why non-Black men may not be dating black women who meet their basic dating criteria.
If some black men don't want to date black women that's fine. You won't catch hell from me.
That number 3 there is the prime reason black women never look attractive to me. Their hair is a critical turn off. It's not their fault. It's just genetics.
They are good friends though. Very cordial and funny. They make great table conversation folks. There's always a ton of jokes flying around.
OK, fair enough. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I want to focus on the reasons that go beyond appearance, which is why I said in the OP "she is "attractive to you." If you don't find black women attractive AT ALL, there's really no need to comment.
Yeah, I kinda agree, this subject has been beat to hell, just do a forum search.
Maybe, one day in about a 100 yrs, it won't be such an issue.
That's assuming mankind hasn't imploded by then.
It isn't a issue IRL, in the last six months I have date a black guy, a white and a Korean. It's only an issue online where losers are waiting in mom's basement, looking for a usual suspect to pounce on and slag someone else in order to make their own pitiful lives seem better. The insults are almost never off topic.
There are a few key demographics in the online world who gets it every time... why people fall for or argue with the trolls I'll never know.
Fat women of all kinds
Black women in general
All single mothers
Any single woman over the age of 35 (sometimes as low as 30)
So basically, 90% of the single women on this forum are considered worthy of ridicule and supposedly are deemed as not worth dating. (Of course those men who yell the loudest can't date women of any kind, so it's moot except for their own sub-par self esteem which is so low they need internet-ridicule to feel good about themselves.)
The sad part is when women turn on each other because they happen to not be the target of the particular thread. The 40 year old bashing the 25 year old single mom, the black woman bashing the fat white woman, the single mom bashing the 45 year old childless, the fat woman bashing the black woman.
The trolls love it, because they win at every thread when this happens. That's why I refuse to participate.
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