Would it bother you if your partner had an active imagination? Any personality conflicts in your relationship? (dating, boyfriend)
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My boyfriend got irritated with me today and said that I always have my head in the clouds. While this is true and I do love thinking about the future, it's not like I spent my whole day thinking about random things. I work full time while looking for a second job, am in the process of in-depth career and financial planning, I spend a lot of time reading and writing...I don't feel like I sit around all day and daydream or anything. (I actually work more than he does! lol) I just like thinking of a better world and what I can do to make it a reality.
We were talking about corporations* and I said that people will spend the whole day complaining about them but no one will ever try to do anything about the way they treat many employees, especially the ones lower on the totem pole, which is frustrating to me. If there's a problem, I'm the kind of person who wants to go out and fix it. When I said that he got all offended and said that I had my head in the clouds and things are this way for a reason, going on and on...basically saying that people are always going to be unhappy with work but it needs to be done. He then went on to say that I'm too focused on happiness, as is society in general. In addition, he questioned how it would even be possible for anything to happen to make working for corporations better and I said that it's just like anything else: it takes a revolution, people working together. If our ancestors could fight for fair wages and working conditions, why can't we fight for today's equivalent of fair wages and hours, as well as a work environment where workers are respected and valued? He then attacked that idea and went on to say that it was pointless to think that way because it will never happen.
I never said that people shouldn't work. Of course people need to work. I just don't see the need for everyone to be unhappy at their jobs. Why not strive for happiness in every facet of our lives? He seems to be very much a realist and gets enjoyment out of doing math problems and complaining about how people aren't focusing on the right things in life. I'm more of a 'live and let live' kind of person. I don't want to tell anyone how to live but I think that everyone should be able to respect each other's choices. He frequently gives me math lectures which I hate but I let him talk without interruption. It's a bit frustrating to me that I can't voice my opinion without him turning it into a debate. And this happens frequently. It's not simply sharing our viewpoints, it's him questioning me about how my idea could possibly become reality, tearing it down, basically saying that it's pointless to hope for a better future and that to think that things would get better is stupid. It gets so frustrating.
So what do you think? Would it bother you if your partner was an idealist? Do you and your partner butt heads due to personality conflicts?
*I would appreciate it if we could keep this thread focused on the relationship aspect since I posted it in this forum. I know that people may disagree with me on my opinion of work conditions which is fine but this isn't the thread for it. Thanks in advance!
My boyfriend got irritated with me today and said that I always have my head in the clouds. While this is true and I do love thinking about the future, it's not like I spent my whole day thinking about random things. I work full time while looking for a second job, am in the process of in-depth career and financial planning, I spend a lot of time reading and writing...I don't feel like I sit around all day and daydream or anything. (I actually work more than he does! lol) I just like thinking of a better world and what I can do to make it a reality.
We were talking about corporations* and I said that people will spend the whole day complaining about them but no one will ever try to do anything about the way they treat many employees, especially the ones lower on the totem pole, which is frustrating to me. If there's a problem, I'm the kind of person who wants to go out and fix it. When I said that he got all offended and said that I had my head in the clouds and things are this way for a reason, going on and on...basically saying that people are always going to be unhappy with work but it needs to be done. He then went on to say that I'm too focused on happiness, as is society in general. In addition, he questioned how it would even be possible for anything to happen to make working for corporations better and I said that it's just like anything else: it takes a revolution, people working together. If our ancestors could fight for fair wages and working conditions, why can't we fight for today's equivalent of fair wages and hours, as well as a work environment where workers are respected and valued? He then attacked that idea and went on to say that it was pointless to think that way because it will never happen.
I never said that people shouldn't work. Of course people need to work. I just don't see the need for everyone to be unhappy at their jobs. Why not strive for happiness in every facet of our lives? He seems to be very much a realist and gets enjoyment out of doing math problems and complaining about how people aren't focusing on the right things in life. I'm more of a 'live and let live' kind of person. I don't want to tell anyone how to live but I think that everyone should be able to respect each other's choices. He frequently gives me math lectures which I hate but I let him talk without interruption. It's a bit frustrating to me that I can't voice my opinion without him turning it into a debate.
So what do you think? Would it bother you if your partner was an idealist? Do you and your partner butt heads due to personality conflicts?
*I would appreciate it if we could keep this thread focused on the relationship aspect since I posted it in this forum. I know that people may disagree with me on my opinion of work conditions which is fine but this isn't the thread for it. Thanks in advance!
While I wouldn't say I'm pessimistic (because for the record, your boyfriend sounds more like a pessimist than a realist to me) - but my husband is much more idealist than I am, especially when it comes to politics. For example, he is very anti-capitalist and thinks we should do away with the concept of money. So we do butt heads sometimes but I don't think either of us feels like we can't voice our opinions. He knows I think some of his political ideas are ridiculous but he's not offended because he knows his ideas are a little "out there" and I think he's proud that he thinks differently from most people.
But I don't think wanting to be happy makes someone an idealist, it just makes them human. Sorry, I know you didn't want it to be about that but I had to distinguish myself (since I consider myself more of the realist in my relationship) from your boyfriend in order to talk about realism vs idealism in my relationship.
I'm the same way OP and can relate to you completely. I always daydream about improving things and how things could be better if xyz happened. I tend to be outspoken about it and not always for the better. To be honest, if it wasn't for idealists, many things in our history wouldn't have happened.
Your boyfriend is a realist, but I'm still not quite sure why he got upset at you for simply speaking your mind. One thing is to have a healthy debate or discussion, and a whole other thing is to get aggrivated about it.
I can't change who I am and I'm sure neither can you. Our imagination and desire to strive for better makes us who we are. Sometimes I have to contain myself for the sake of having a peace and quite. My husband is not necessarily a realist type either, but his feet are more on the ground than mine. That's for sure.
While I wouldn't say I'm pessimistic (because for the record, your boyfriend sounds more like a pessimist than a realist to me) - but my husband is much more idealist than I am, especially when it comes to politics. For example, he is very anti-capitalist and thinks we should do away with the concept of money. So we do butt heads sometimes but I don't think either of us feels like we can't voice our opinions. He knows I think some of his political ideas are ridiculous but he's not offended because he knows his ideas are a little "out there" and I think he's proud that he thinks differently from most people.
But I don't think wanting to be happy makes someone an idealist, it just makes them human. Sorry, I know you didn't want it to be about that but I had to distinguish myself (since I consider myself more of the realist in my relationship) from your boyfriend in order to talk about realism vs idealism in my relationship.
He does seem a bit pessimistic. It's kind of difficult to deal with sometimes.
Hehe, I think that your husband and I would have some interesting conversations. My thinking is along the same lines Thanks for sharing!
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Originally Posted by max's mama
I'm the same way OP and can relate to you completely. I always daydream about improving things and how things could be better if xyz happened. I tend to be outspoken about it and not always for the better. To be honest, if it wasn't for idealists, many things in our history wouldn't have happened.
Your boyfriend is a realist, but I'm still not quite sure why he got upset at you for simply speaking your mind. One thing is to have a healthy debate or discussion, and a whole other thing is to get aggrivated about it.
I can't change who I am and I'm sure neither can you. Our imagination and desire to strive for better makes us who we are. Sometimes I have to contain myself for the sake of having a peace and quite. My husband is not necessarily a realist type either, but his feet are more on the ground than mine. That's for sure.
I feel the same way. So many great things have been accomplished in human history, who is to say what else could happen if people work together with a common goal?
Yeah..it kind of bothers me that he got so upset and that it's a recurring problem. I guess there's nothing I can really do about it, though.
The very first thought I have is: it's a good thing he's your boyfriend and not your husband. It sounds to me like he just likes to argue and and does not value you, your thoughts or ideas. I suspect you are living together and not just in a dating situation. To me I would get tired of being around a person who knows it all and constantly puts me down, living with someone like that would be tough. But, on the other hand, living with aperson that has all kinds of ideas how they can fix the world, could also be hard to listen to, day in and day out. I don't agree with your thoughts about working for corporations either, but that can be a subject for another thread. You might try just keeping some of your thoughts to yourself, and not voicing all of your opinions. Myself, I would find someone else to talk to.
The very first thought I have is: it's a good thing he's your boyfriend and not your husband. It sounds to me like he just likes to argue and and does not value you, your thoughts or ideas. I suspect you are living together and not just in a dating situation. To me I would get tired of being around a person who knows it all and constantly puts me down, living with someone like that would be tough. But, on the other hand, living with aperson that has all kinds of ideas how they can fix the world, could also be hard to listen to, day in and day out. I don't agree with your thoughts about working for corporations either, but that can be a subject for another thread. You might try just keeping some of your thoughts to yourself, and not voicing all of your opinions. Myself, I would find someone else to talk to.
Oh, we don't live together. It does get a bit unbearable sometimes, though.
The thing is that he is constantly giving me math lectures or discussing different theories that he has...things that I don't necessarily find intriguing but I listen to him because I love him. I just feel like I should be able to share my interests as well. And it's not like I sit there and go on and on about it. He was actually complaining about corporations in the first place and I chimed in saying that it sucks that so many people complain about it but won't try to change anything. I was trying to be inspirational and brainstorm possible ways to improve the situation...that obviously backfired lol
I suppose you're right; the only way to prevent it from happening in the future is to keep my mouth shut. Kinda lame. Oh well.
Oh, we don't live together. It does get a bit unbearable sometimes, though.
The thing is that he is constantly giving me math lectures or discussing different theories that he has...things that I don't necessarily find intriguing but I listen to him because I love him. I just feel like I should be able to share my interests as well. And it's not like I sit there and go on and on about it. He was actually complaining about corporations in the first place and I chimed in saying that it sucks that so many people complain about it but won't try to change anything. I was trying to be inspirational and brainstorm possible ways to improve the situation...that obviously backfired lol
I suppose you're right; the only way to prevent it from happening in the future is to keep my mouth shut. Kinda lame. Oh well.
Thank you for sharing.
Yes, I agree, keeping your mouth shut is kinda lame. Maybe you need to sit him down and have a conversation with him about his attitude and how you feel about him putting you down. Maybe he doesn't realize how that comes across to you. Relationships are not easy, and you have to find common ground for them to survive. You love him now, but love can also be lost. If what he says and the way he says it, bothers you, you can't fault him if he doesn't know it. If he realizes he upsets you and does it on purpose, then it is time to do something about it.
I have 50 million things that go through my head on what I need to do and so forth. Sometimes you need to daydream and get away. Calgon take me away.....
This honestly sounds like a core incompatibility issue... coupled with a lack of respect on his part.
One of the things I love about my relationship with my husband is that we can both go off on our tangents about "big ideas" and the other will hop on the thought train for a ride. We'll spend hours sometimes discussing ideas we have, theories, dreams for tomorrow... and there are so many topics that are sort of "ongoing" for us over the years. We revisit them every few weeks or months, add new thoughts or insights, explore it as far as we can and then table it for a period of time until we've got something new to add.
Our latest thought tangent involves exploring the potential to "see" the Big Bang happen... it's based in part on theorizing what we'll see with telescopes that are capable of seeing "further" than 14 billion light years (and yes, I realize that my quick summation here lacks consideration of actual technology, infrared spectrum, blah blah blah).
Being practical or even 100% scientifically sound isn't really part of our thought tangents... we could easily use the web to learn what physicists are saying about this, find the "hard science" that would tell us what's what, and both of us have the intelligence capable of understanding the science behind it... but that would remove the FUN of dreaming up possibilities without restriction - and that's what we love best.
It's not that we ignore the facts or the physics, we just don't let our thoughts be restricted by them... sometimes, it's just fun to dream.
It sounds to me like you want to dream about what could be, and he wants to focus on what already is. Worse, it seems like he wants YOU to stop dreaming as well, and takes the opportunity to rub your nose in the facts every chance he gets.
For me, that wouldn't work... I need to be able to dream, no matter how wild or outrageous my dreams may be, and I need someone to share that with. If he was constantly belittling my dreams or disrespecting me by telling me how useless they were simply because "present circumstances" don't mesh will with "future dreams," I'd not have married him... I won't spend my life suppressing my natural curiosity and optimism for anyone... and I don't believe that someone who truly loved me would expect me to.
My boyfriend got irritated with me today and said that I always have my head in the clouds. While this is true and I do love thinking about the future, it's not like I spent my whole day thinking about random things. I work full time while looking for a second job, am in the process of in-depth career and financial planning, I spend a lot of time reading and writing...I don't feel like I sit around all day and daydream or anything. (I actually work more than he does! lol) I just like thinking of a better world and what I can do to make it a reality.
We were talking about corporations* and I said that people will spend the whole day complaining about them but no one will ever try to do anything about the way they treat many employees, especially the ones lower on the totem pole, which is frustrating to me. If there's a problem, I'm the kind of person who wants to go out and fix it. When I said that he got all offended and said that I had my head in the clouds and things are this way for a reason, going on and on...basically saying that people are always going to be unhappy with work but it needs to be done. He then went on to say that I'm too focused on happiness, as is society in general. In addition, he questioned how it would even be possible for anything to happen to make working for corporations better and I said that it's just like anything else: it takes a revolution, people working together. If our ancestors could fight for fair wages and working conditions, why can't we fight for today's equivalent of fair wages and hours, as well as a work environment where workers are respected and valued? He then attacked that idea and went on to say that it was pointless to think that way because it will never happen.
I never said that people shouldn't work. Of course people need to work. I just don't see the need for everyone to be unhappy at their jobs. Why not strive for happiness in every facet of our lives? He seems to be very much a realist and gets enjoyment out of doing math problems and complaining about how people aren't focusing on the right things in life. I'm more of a 'live and let live' kind of person. I don't want to tell anyone how to live but I think that everyone should be able to respect each other's choices. He frequently gives me math lectures which I hate but I let him talk without interruption. It's a bit frustrating to me that I can't voice my opinion without him turning it into a debate. And this happens frequently. It's not simply sharing our viewpoints, it's him questioning me about how my idea could possibly become reality, tearing it down, basically saying that it's pointless to hope for a better future and that to think that things would get better is stupid. It gets so frustrating.
So what do you think? Would it bother you if your partner was an idealist? Do you and your partner butt heads due to personality conflicts?
*I would appreciate it if we could keep this thread focused on the relationship aspect since I posted it in this forum. I know that people may disagree with me on my opinion of work conditions which is fine but this isn't the thread for it. Thanks in advance!
Is he generally a negative person?
I couldn't live with a pessimist.
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I know that people may disagree with me on my opinion of work conditions which is fine but this isn't the thread for it. Thanks in advance!
Thanks for sharing! 
Would it bother you if your partner ...
