Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No. If I cared about my husband's past and what he did, I would never be able to be with him. I trust him with ME. What he did with everyone else doesn't concern me.
Well, let's say he admits to cheating but says that he was young and stupid ... [and] ... Besides, he says, his wife was too into her job and not enough into the marriage and his new girlfriend was available more. ....
The justification; "Yeah I did it BUT here's why...." There is no justification for cheating so the excuses are moot. Nor is there any justification for lying (even if by omission) about it to someone you are about to marry.
Someone like this will have a tendency to not tell their partner about other things as well.
No. If I cared about my husband's past and what he did, I would never be able to be with him. I trust him with ME. What he did with everyone else doesn't concern me.
Agreed.
In GENERAL, our past experiences all work together to make us who we are in the here and now.
If you love your man in the here and now you have to accept the path he took to become who he is today
It seems a lot of people on this forum have a very "black and white" view of cheating. There is no room for forgiveness and "once a cheater always a cheater". Well, how do you know the next person you fall in love with doesn't have a cheating past.
Let's think about this (I'm using a guy in this example but please replace "husband" with "wife" if it will help you understand the scenario...
You start dating a wonderful guy who happens to be divorced. The reason he gives is that "we just grew apart and had different goals in life". OK, fair enough, sounds reasonable. He has no children with his ex. You continue dating, meet his friends, meet his family, fall madly in love and get married. Five years later you get invited to a party at a friend's house. While you're there you meet for the first time, a girl who was also friends with your husband's ex-wife and the friend lets it slip that the reason their marriage ended was because your husband cheated on his ex and threw her out of the house in order to move his new lover in. This all happened a couple years before you even met your now-husband. None of his other friends or family ever said a word about this, but after you question a few of them they confess that the story is true but didn't want you to leave him because they really like you.
So, after five years of marriage and a couple kids would you divorce your husband because he's a cheater? Even if he's never cheated on you? How do you trust that he won't cheat on you in the future if he did such a horrible thing to his ex-wife?
Seriously, how many cheaters admit to it while dating, and how would you ever know unless someone tells you?
To the bolded question above. No freaking way. I cannot see myself divorcing a guy for something like this. The truth of the matter is you don't know what the dynamics of the previous relationship were. Maybe there was no communication, no understanding, no sexual fulfillment. Whatever it was is not up to me to judge. If you are sure he is not cheating on you, why care about what happened in the past. It's not ALWAYS a character flaw.
No. If I cared about my husband's past and what he did, I would never be able to be with him. I trust him with ME. What he did with everyone else doesn't concern me.
But history tends to repeat itself, MM. Time to dust off this article for the umpteenth time. Heck, I better nail it into my own damn head!
History doesn't always repeat itself. People learn from their mistakes all the time.
Considering the other side of a coin, if my husband cared about my previous mistakes, he wouldn't be with me either.
History doesn't always repeat itself. People learn from their mistakes all the time.
Considering the other side of a coin, if my husband cared about my previous mistakes, he wouldn't be with me either.
It's still an interesting read. Don't pay attention to the name of the site.
History doesn't always repeat itself. People learn from their mistakes all the time.
Considering the other side of a coin, if my husband cared about my previous mistakes, he wouldn't be with me either.
to that!
Sierra I know what YOU are saying as well - which is why a behavioural PATTERN is key. I cheated once. My ex was a serial cheater. Both of us were wrong - but one of us learned from our mistakes.
Sierra I know what YOU are saying as well - which is why a behavioural PATTERN is key. I cheated once. My ex was a serial cheater. Both of us were wrong - but one of us learned from our mistakes.
It's still an interesting read. Don't pay attention to the name of the site.
I'll take a look.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
to that!
