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So, about a year ago I was doing the online dating thing. I connected with a gal online and she seemed really cool, but we never met. She said after a few emails she decided it was too soon after her divorce and she wasn't ready...fair enough.
Anyways, out of the blue a few weeks ago she emails me, we talk and finally met last week for a beer after work. I dug talking to her a lot. She is really pretty, good job, smart, etc so I asked her out on a real date. We went out last night. I had a really good time and she said did too. Here's the thing on paper she seems perfect for me, but I don't know if I'm feeling it with her. I had a great time and she seemed to, but I am usually feeling a stronger spark for someone after spending an evening with her or nothing and I move on. This is more like in between. The last girl I dated I was basically infatuated with from day one and it was all I could do to stop thinking about her every second after we started going out. Maybe I miss that, but that's not always realistic?? Anyways, do you guys date someone a few times to see if lightning strikes or am I just wasting both of our time?
Interesting question. I met a fellow writer on an online forum. He doesn't live in my city, but he doesn't live too far away. We knew each other for two years, during which time we kept in contact. I got to know him slowly, and I felt that he was really cool. I like his writing style, and the way he thinks in general. He's also pretty darned attractive. But not too long ago, he said something heartfelt about one of his sons (he's divorced) that moved me in a way that I didn't expect. It was the love that he displayed for his child that made me feel all sparky. But it could have easily been about his mom, dad, brother, etc. Seeing him show genuine love for his family just ... ahhhhh! That definitely piqued my interest.
Edited to add: I've long since outgrown the "lust at first sight" stage of life. That's a mistake that I stopped making shortly after college. If I'm infatuated with someone right away, I recognize it for what it is--lust, sexual attraction, romanticization, etc. Those relationships always turned out to be epic fails. It's not based on who they are, but what I want them to be. It makes it a lot easier for me to pass those people by and look for the real deal.
The last girl I dated I was basically infatuated with from day one and it was all I could do to stop thinking about her every second after we started going out. Maybe I miss that, but that's not always realistic??
I have the same problem and keep looking for that feeling again, but you can't expect to feel that infatuation with everyone, unfortunately. Also, obviously the relationship didn't work out with that person (not sure why in your case), so that spark can't be the most important thing. I usually try to give it 3 dates before I tell the new person that I'm not feeling the connection. (In the future, I might give it 4-5 dates to be really sure.) If you keep comparing it to the feelings you had for the last person though, you're not giving them a fair chance.
Sometimes the "spark" has been almost instantaneous, and other times it's taken as long as a couple of dates to ignite. Sometimes it's clear it won't happen, too!
The last girl I dated I was basically infatuated with from day one and it was all I could do to stop thinking about her every second after we started going out.
Keep in mind that things didn't work out with her despite the initial sparks, right? I'd give the new girl at least three dates. If you don't want to kiss her by then, I'd say that you'll never really feel it and you should let her go.
She initiated the contact by email but who asked for the date?
That initial, irresistable spark may have been great with the other girl, but did it mean you were meant to be? (Obviously not.) Don't gage a new relationship on what occurred in a relationship that failed.
i am attracted to the wrong people. i gota wait a long time b4 i realize someone has something on the ball and is a good partner. waiting has paid off big time. if i just trust my compulsions and go with them, i will be dead in a jiffy. question your thoughts and emotions huck.
I thought that it was only women whom used this spark sh*t. What the hell is a spark? I mean, if you like someone and they're cool and you're attracted to that person, cool. If not, maybe he or she is a friend. But I can't for the life of me understand what this spark stuff is. Just go out with her once or twice more. If you don't want to eff her then she is a friend.
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