Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-26-2010, 12:08 PM
 
12,997 posts, read 13,655,023 times
Reputation: 11192

Advertisements

My wife met a woman a few months back in her kickboxing class. They're the same age, and the woman is pleasant and nice enough. She has a few quirks (she's a practicing pagan and a HUGE New Kids on the Block fan .. still, in her 30s), but for the most part a cool person.

The other night, however, she revealed to my wife that she and her husband are in an open relationship. In theory, I have no issues with swingers. In practice though, I'm not exactly comfortable with my wife hanging out with her now. This woman explained that she's bisexual, but likes guys too, and she and her husband have had sexual relationships with other couples in the past.

Just where exactly is this going? Perhaps nowhere, but I'm not sure I want to find out if it is going somewhere. What are your thoughts on this? Would you continue this friendship?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-26-2010, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,681,523 times
Reputation: 24104
I think its up to your wife and if she feels comfortable enough to keep the friendship.
All she has to do is tell her that she`s happily married, and she is not into an open marriage, but to each their own.
If she feels uncomfortable now knowing this info, then by all means, tell her to move on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2010, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,478,369 times
Reputation: 10809
I have swinger friends, poly friends, friends in open relationships, monogamous friends, single friends, straight friends, gay friends, Muslim friends, fundamentalist Christian friends, pagan friends, atheist friends ... We're all clear that we aren't trying to convert anyone to anyone else's practices, yet we still have things in common that we can enjoy together.

Are you worried because your wife is bi and don't think she can control herself around this woman? Or is there something else going on?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2010, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,202,868 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
Just where exactly is this going? Perhaps nowhere, but I'm not sure I want to find out if it is going somewhere. What are your thoughts on this? Would you continue this friendship?
Guess you have an opportunity for expanding your horizons, WestCobb!

On a more serious note, I wouldn't be too comfortable with a spouse of mine having this sort of a friend. I don’t generally care what people do as long as they don’t broadcast it and don’t make their sexual life a major conversation topic. I know a polyamorous couple, but I'm only aware of it because I happened to come across a blog.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2010, 12:21 PM
 
5,143 posts, read 5,411,535 times
Reputation: 2865
I will not befriend Hedonists.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2010, 12:23 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,727,557 times
Reputation: 42769
New Kids on the Block? Now that's just gross.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2010, 12:24 PM
 
12,997 posts, read 13,655,023 times
Reputation: 11192
To be clear, I know this is more my wife's issue than mine. If she wants to be friends with this woman, cool .. that's fine. I don't pick her friends. I do think, however, I will NOT be meeting this woman's husband. She told my wife that what her and her husband prefer is a relationship with another couple. Again, not sure where this is going (perhaps nowhere?) but I definitely don't want to find out.

I have ZERO interest in watching another man diddle my wife. In fact, if I ever witnessed such a thing, I'd probably rip the man's ears off. Even if I didn't want to, I'd do it anyways. I'm not sure about other people's brain chemistry, but mine is definitely not wired to share, at all. Cookies are for sharing, not vaginas.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2010, 12:26 PM
 
5,143 posts, read 5,411,535 times
Reputation: 2865
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
To be clear, I know this is more my wife's issue than mine. If she wants to be friends with this woman, cool .. that's fine. I don't pick her friends. I do think, however, I will NOT be meeting this woman's husband. She told my wife that what her and her husband prefer is a relationship with another couple. Again, not sure where this is going (perhaps nowhere?) but I definitely don't want to find out.

I have ZERO interest in watching another man diddle my wife. In fact, if I ever witnessed such a thing, I'd probably rip the man's ears off. Even if I didn't want to, I'd do it anyways. I'm not sure about other people's brain chemistry, but mine is definitely not wired to share, at all. Cookies are for sharing, not vaginas.
It would be perfectly normal for you to feel that way about the d00d.


People try to debate whether humans were polygamous...and evolution says probably not. But we do know early humans lived in harems...so it would be natural for you to want to destroy your competition. Heck if I was on a jury I'd hang it for you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2010, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,753 posts, read 34,428,618 times
Reputation: 77125
The woman might have been making conversation. The fact that she and her husband are in an open relationship doesn't mean that they want to be in an open relationship with you. If a guy told you he was gay, would you automatically assume he wanted to sleep with you?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2010, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,778,604 times
Reputation: 40200
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb View Post
My wife met a woman a few months back in her kickboxing class. They're the same age, and the woman is pleasant and nice enough. She has a few quirks (she's a practicing pagan and a HUGE New Kids on the Block fan .. still, in her 30s), but for the most part a cool person.

The other night, however, she revealed to my wife that she and her husband are in an open relationship. In theory, I have no issues with swingers. In practice though, I'm not exactly comfortable with my wife hanging out with her now. This woman explained that she's bisexual, but likes guys too, and she and her husband have had sexual relationships with other couples in the past.

Just where exactly is this going? Perhaps nowhere, but I'm not sure I want to find out if it is going somewhere. What are your thoughts on this? Would you continue this friendship?
Your wife's "friend" could be testing the waters to see what kind of response she can get. Given that that is a possibility I can understand your concern about her interest in your wife.

However, your wife must pick and choose her own friends, and use her own (hopefully good) judgement to determine when people in fact really ARE her friends. Trust her to make that determination
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top