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Why am I single ? Why have I never been in a relationship ? Why have I only been on one date in my entire life ?
Because I fear being rejected. Being told "no" hurts, even when not related to dating & relationships. I don't like calling a business and being told, "no we don't have any of that," because it feels like not only are they saying "no we don't have any of that" but because it feels like they are also thinking "and you should have been smart enough to realize that and not wasted my valuable minutes you pathetic piece of garbage" ! So the reason I don't want to ask a woman out and be rejected is because I don't want it to feel like she's thinking, "how dare you, you ugly piece of trash, how dare you hit on me ? how dare you imagine that I would stoop to dating some real loser like you ? how dare you ?"
I fear someone being angry with me, and the chance of someone either lecturing me out in public or silently hating me in her thoughts, more than I fear living the rest of my life alone. Being alone is something I can deal with, and have for all of my years. It has its perks. But having people hate me and yell at me, that I really hate having to deal with.
On the flip side of the coin it hurts to say no too. I realized this more than ever recently because I've been apartment hunting, and I've had to turn a couple of places down. It really hurts to say that I've chosen another place, and to hear a voice that sounds really upset when I reject them. It hurts to say no and to cause pain. So much of my life, I've been minimizing the chance I'll ever have to say "no" to anybody.
So, I have a major, major hangup on the word "no". I don't like to use it, and I don't like to hear it.
Why am I single ? Why have I never been in a relationship ? Why have I only been on one date in my entire life ?
Because I fear being rejected. Being told "no" hurts, even when not related to dating & relationships. I don't like calling a business and being told, "no we don't have any of that," because it feels like not only are they saying "no we don't have any of that" but because it feels like they are also thinking "and you should have been smart enough to realize that and not wasted my valuable minutes you pathetic piece of garbage" ! So the reason I don't want to ask a woman out and be rejected is because I don't want it to feel like she's thinking, "how dare you, you ugly piece of trash, how dare you hit on me ? how dare you imagine that I would stoop to dating some real loser like you ? how dare you ?"
I fear someone being angry with me, and the chance of someone either lecturing me out in public or silently hating me in her thoughts, more than I fear living the rest of my life alone. Being alone is something I can deal with, and have for all of my years. It has its perks. But having people hate me and yell at me, that I really hate having to deal with.
On the flip side of the coin it hurts to say no too. I realized this more than ever recently because I've been apartment hunting, and I've had to turn a couple of places down. It really hurts to say that I've chosen another place, and to hear a voice that sounds really upset when I reject them. It hurts to say no and to cause pain. So much of my life, I've been minimizing the chance I'll ever have to say "no" to anybody.
So, I have a major, major hangup on the word "no". I don't like to use it, and I don't like to hear it.
What do you think ?
Being told "no" is a fact of life, and, yeah it sucks. The bolded part points to more than just a "hang up", though. That is not a healthy reaction.
Why am I single ? Why have I never been in a relationship ? Why have I only been on one date in my entire life ?
Because I fear being rejected. Being told "no" hurts, even when not related to dating & relationships. I don't like calling a business and being told, "no we don't have any of that," because it feels like not only are they saying "no we don't have any of that" but because it feels like they are also thinking "and you should have been smart enough to realize that and not wasted my valuable minutes you pathetic piece of garbage" ! So the reason I don't want to ask a woman out and be rejected is because I don't want it to feel like she's thinking, "how dare you, you ugly piece of trash, how dare you hit on me ? how dare you imagine that I would stoop to dating some real loser like you ? how dare you ?"
I fear someone being angry with me, and the chance of someone either lecturing me out in public or silently hating me in her thoughts, more than I fear living the rest of my life alone. Being alone is something I can deal with, and have for all of my years. It has its perks. But having people hate me and yell at me, that I really hate having to deal with.
On the flip side of the coin it hurts to say no too. I realized this more than ever recently because I've been apartment hunting, and I've had to turn a couple of places down. It really hurts to say that I've chosen another place, and to hear a voice that sounds really upset when I reject them. It hurts to say no and to cause pain. So much of my life, I've been minimizing the chance I'll ever have to say "no" to anybody.
So, I have a major, major hangup on the word "no". I don't like to use it, and I don't like to hear it.
What do you think ?
I get told no a lot. I don't take NO for an answer if I can help it. Do you guys carry Red Line racing oil? No! Well, can you ORDER it? Yes!
Yeah I guess I just can't get my head around the fact that doing business in the free market is about seeing if you are interested in something, and seeing if somebody can supply that for you. To me it feels like even talking with a business is them doing me a huge favor, not a two-way relationship. And so I hate wasting anybody's time by either asking for something they don't have, or rejecting anything that they offer.
Yeah, this is probably some kind of personality disorder.
Yeah I guess I just can't get my head around the fact that doing business in the free market is about seeing if you are interested in something, and seeing if somebody can supply that for you. To me it feels like even talking with a business is them doing me a huge favor, not a two-way relationship. And so I hate wasting anybody's time by either asking for something they don't have, or rejecting anything that they offer.
Yeah, this is probably some kind of personality disorder.
When almost everything you want is custom order, you learn to ask. Be prepared for dumb looks on faces too when the don't know WTH you mean or are even talking about. LOL Ahhh... one of these in this book! LOL
your too sensitive, you should take some kick boxing and get hit a bit to toughen your skin up. your life is less then 100 years and the clock is ticking. Do you really want to waste all of it hesitating because of your irrational fear? You should do telemarketing/sales until you are DESENSITIZED to the word NO.
I think you just need practice and more time spent socializing with different people.
EDIT: oh yea and Cognitive therapy would do WONDERS for you. seek a qualified therapist specializing in this.
Getting rejected is something that happens to Men, all the time.
Thats how biology set us up. Men pursue. Women choose. Men get rejected. Women do the rejecting.
This is not a bash at women, I love being a man and wouldn't trade it for anything. But this is just a fact of life. I'm a young guy, probably younger than you but I know this is how it is, I accept it, and I get on with it.
Being a man and being afraid of rejection will be VERY hard. I suggest you get over it. And yes it is that simple... You just get over it.
Your fear of rejection will actually cause rejection. Women don't want a timid, scared man, work on yourself and your confidence and everything will fall into place.
If someone asks you out that you weren't interested in dating... would you say yes? Or would you say no?
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Do you guys carry Red Line racing oil? No!
Well, can you ORDER it? Yes!
