Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Do your kids know what you do in regards to your sex life? Or have you figured out how to keep adult/private things PRIVATE like most of the rest of the world?
My kids know that their mother and I have sex. That's about the extent of it. What you fail to understand is that this goes on inside our home and inside our home and relationship only. When you take these types of things outside the home, this is when other individuals and unaccounted for factors can impact your ability to keep adult/private things PRIVATE. Ever heard of the law of unintended consequences? Could you imagine that very possibly, because you decided to make your sex life public - and if you have a family and have sex outside that family, it DOES become public - an unintended consequence of this very mature and adult act is that those you wish not to know about this may indeed know, be that your own children or half the population of your home town? This may be why myself and others on this thread caution that your idea of discretion is in itself an oxymoron when you decide to take your sexuality out in the street. Be warned.
Quote:
And if the kids DO eventually find out...? Is that truly the end of the world?
I really do not think you understand how this world works. People talk. One person finds out, everyone finds out.
Quote:
I've never been into "open relationships" in the sense the OP has, it simply isn't my thing. I have, however, had a 12 year committed relationship with my boyfriend and a 10 year committed relationship with my husband. I also have three kids who are turning 19, 18 and 17 in the next few months. My boyfriend is simply part of our family... not any different in relation to them than my husband, siblings, cousins, etc. Kids are not only resilient, they are adaptive - "normal" is completely relative, based on environment.
In my life, "normal" includes me having two committed, loving relationships. It includes me paying my bills on time, working hard, taking care of my family and my home, caring properly for my pets, making sure everyone has proper medical care, cooking dinner, getting the oil changed, celebrating holidays and filling our lives with loving, respectful relationships.
Versus my ex-husband, for whom "normal" includes a bottle of Stoli every day. It involves talking about God and the bible and going to church... drunk. It involves leeching the system with a fake disability and sucking down pain pills like candy. It involves TWO bankruptcies in the past 15 years. It involves drunken parties with his parents & siblings, all of whom also go to the "right" church and preach the "right" morals come Sunday... drunk, of course.
Right... but my having two relationships is inevitably going to screw up my kids. I'm kind of waiting to see that happen, since I've been told for years it's coming... I'm waiting for their grades to drop, for them to get some girl pregnant, for them to dip into drugs or alcohol, for them to drop out of school, for them to have a string of failed relationships, something.
My oldest is in college and debating if he wants to follow mom's lead and join the Navy before becoming a firefighter, my middle will graduate with honors in the spring, my youngest is heavily into amateur film making and has won awards for some of his short films already.
Do your kids know what you do in regards to your sex life? Or have you figured out how to keep adult/private things PRIVATE like most of the rest of the world?
And if the kids DO eventually find out...? Is that truly the end of the world?
I've never been into "open relationships" in the sense the OP has, it simply isn't my thing. I have, however, had a 12 year committed relationship with my boyfriend and a 10 year committed relationship with my husband. I also have three kids who are turning 19, 18 and 17 in the next few months. My boyfriend is simply part of our family... not any different in relation to them than my husband, siblings, cousins, etc. Kids are not only resilient, they are adaptive - "normal" is completely relative, based on environment.
In my life, "normal" includes me having two committed, loving relationships. It includes me paying my bills on time, working hard, taking care of my family and my home, caring properly for my pets, making sure everyone has proper medical care, cooking dinner, getting the oil changed, celebrating holidays and filling our lives with loving, respectful relationships.
Versus my ex-husband, for whom "normal" includes a bottle of Stoli every day. It involves talking about God and the bible and going to church... drunk. It involves leeching the system with a fake disability and sucking down pain pills like candy. It involves TWO bankruptcies in the past 15 years. It involves drunken parties with his parents & siblings, all of whom also go to the "right" church and preach the "right" morals come Sunday... drunk, of course.
Right... but my having two relationships is inevitably going to screw up my kids. I'm kind of waiting to see that happen, since I've been told for years it's coming... I'm waiting for their grades to drop, for them to get some girl pregnant, for them to dip into drugs or alcohol, for them to drop out of school, for them to have a string of failed relationships, something.
My oldest is in college and debating if he wants to follow mom's lead and join the Navy before becoming a firefighter, my middle will graduate with honors in the spring, my youngest is heavily into amateur film making and has won awards for some of his short films already.
They're terrible, screwed up kids, lemme tell ya.
Wait, I'm confused. You have/had the husband and BF at the same time, or you were married, divorced, then got a BF?
It wouldn't work for me or my husband and although we have distance in miles between us for a good part of the year, it really doesn't interest either of us to go out on our commitment with other people. It seems to me that there has to be some kind of emotional disconnect in order to cut yourself off from one attachment physically/emotionally and have a sexual fling with someone else. The other party has emotions involved (unless all involved have ice water for blood).
I don't know why people get married if they want to fool around with other people. A marriage is a commitment to one person in my opinion.
She currently has both a husband and a boyfriend. I can't remember which one came first.
That's F'ed up, and just because the OP's kids are doing well career/school wise doesn't mean they won't have huge emotional issues and relationship issues from this. They may not be evident now, but give it time.
... I'm kind of amazed by the obvious bigotry going on here. That's right - I said bigotry. These are the same arguments that people give on why folks of the same gender are not fit to be married or parents. Step back, and realize that you are projecting your own belief system on other folks. Each circumstance and relationship is different - and as long as everyone is being healthy, safe, and honest, and the kids are being raised in a loving environment, then who am I (or you) to judge?
... I'm kind of amazed by the obvious bigotry going on here. That's right - I said bigotry. These are the same arguments that people give on why folks of the same gender are not fit to be married or parents. Step back, and realize that you are projecting your own belief system on other folks. Each circumstance and relationship is different - and as long as everyone is being healthy, safe, and honest, and the kids are being raised in a loving environment, then who am I (or you) to judge?
I'm all for 2 people, any 2 people, getting married and raising kids. To each their own, but I think there is something seriously wrong with people who can't commit to 1 person at a time. It isn't my business, and I wouldn't try to stop it, but I think it is strange.
I'm all for 2 people, any 2 people, getting married and raising kids. To each their own, but I think there is something seriously wrong with people who can't commit to 1 person at a time. It isn't my business, and I wouldn't try to stop it, but I think it is strange.
That's your viewpoint. And I respect that. And what it comes down to is - as long as whoever you are involved with has the same viewpoint, then you're golden. I, personally, will never be involved with anyone ever again who doesn't subscribe to the viewpoints on relationships that I have. THAT is what leads to disaster -- not subscribing to a particular belief system, but when all those involved are not on the same page about it.
That's F'ed up, and just because the OP's kids are doing well career/school wise doesn't mean they won't have huge emotional issues and relationship issues from this. They may not be evident now, but give it time.
People used to say this about children raised in homosexual households. Turns out that claim was false, as in general they are better adjusted than kids in many "traditional" households and have "normal" relationships.
Fear of change or the unknown is the basis for many such ridiculous claims. People resist the unfamiliar. Remember (or have you heard) when it was illegal for women to vote, or own property, or for blacks and whites to marry, or to use birth control, etc., etc.
Also consider that there have been (and still are!) societies where plural marriage is still legal and practiced - both polygyny and polyandry - and kids don't have the issues you tout. Guess what - humans are far more flexibile and adaptable than you may think from your - possibly limited - perspective.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That's F'ed up, and just because the OP's kids are doing well career/school wise doesn't mean they won't have huge emotional issues and relationship issues from this. They may not be evident now, but give it time.