Feeling disappointed over being a single mother (women, love, family)

[FindingLove]

I'm 27 and about a year ago I started a relationship with a 35 year old man. He's very attractive, had a smart humour and acted very nicely towards me. In the back of my mind I always had the old tale of finding a good man and having a stable long term relationship, a couple of kids and being my own little princess. Very naive, I know, but I always dreamt with it.

Well, it turns out he was not so nice after all. He comes from a wealthy family and basically always had everything he wanted. I noticed he went out at night way too often and soon found out he was having multiple affairs with several women. I find lots of sexual text messages, women sending naked pics to him and that when he said he was going home he was mostly going to nightclubs and strip clubs with his friends.

The way he acted had already faded before I found out. He started to come across as cocky, arrogant, couldn't stop starring at hot women and made plenty of sexist remarks.

I also found out I was pregnant around the same time. I obviously broke up with him and he never denied the affairs. He even said you couldn't expect a man to waste his life being faithful to a woman.

I was very afraid of his reaction towards the pregnancy but he acted way better than I expected. He was surprised, just asked if I was sure the baby was his () and said the decision to abort or keep the child was up to me. I eventually decided to keep the baby...I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion.

I'm now 16 weeks pregnant and it was confirmed today that it's a little boy. He travels a lot on business trips, I called him and he sounded very pleased.

My parents and my brothers say they don't judge me and will give me all the support I need but I still feel a bit disappointed because nothing turned out like I wished. I'm obviously very happy for the baby but his father acted will leave marks forever.

His mother invited me for coffee and she said that regardless of what happened between us, that the baby will have grandparents and cousins and asked me not to prevent him from being in contact with them. She said she knows her son doesn't act very well towards women but that he's truly happy with the baby.

His father also called me saying that if I ever need money to just ask him. I thanked him but said I've my own job and never depended on anyone's money to have my life.

Sorry for the long text. I'm just venting.

P.S. Yes, he'll have a paternity test done once our son is born. It could be done during the pregnancy but he said he didn't want to put the baby at risk.

[lilyflower3191981]

Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this man? I think at this point of your life, you need to put yourself first because you are now responsible for another life.

It seems like your relationship does not have a strong foundation, I am not sure if this can be improved. Maybe some counseling helps.

Best of luck

[FindingLove]

Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981

Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this man? I think at this point of your life, you need to put yourself first because you are now responsible for another life.

It seems like your relationship does not have a strong foundation, I am not sure if this can be improved. Maybe some counseling helps.

Best of luck

Of course not. We broke up the same day I found out about the other women. Apparently he has always been like this, several women at the same time. The only bond between us now is the baby, nothing more.

Thank you for your kindness.

[lilyflower3191981]

Originally Posted by FindingLove

Of course not. We broke up the same day I found out about the other women. Apparently he has always been like this, several women at the same time. The only bond between us now is the baby, nothing more.

Thank you for your kindness.

You are very welcome. I wish the best. Take care.

[Just A Guy]

Unfortunately, your son will probably turn out just like his father if he has contact with him. Best thing you can do is either give him up for adoption to a healthy couple or not ever let his dad be in his life.

[RJ312]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

Unfortunately, your son will probably turn out just like his father if he has contact with him. Best thing you can do is either give him up for adoption to a healthy couple or not ever let his dad be in his life.

I would recommend the adoption route as well here.

[crystalballmagic]

I'm pregnant, but not a single mother. But I thought he was going to leave me because I got pregnant, so I know where you are coming from. I'm due in two weeks!

This man degrades women. I would not let my child around him. If you have to then supervised visits ever so often.

You are a strong woman. You don't need that in your life. Congrats on the baby. You'll do just fine.

[FindingLove]

Originally Posted by Just A Guy

Unfortunately, your son will probably turn out just like his father if he has contact with him. Best thing you can do is either give him up for adoption to a healthy couple or not ever let his dad be in his life.

I'm sorry but there's no way I could give birth to a child, a part of me, and voluntarily give him up for adoption to strangers. My son is my son and will stay with me.

He'll have to have contact with his dad...regardless of everything, he's his father.

[Mindlessness]

I think you might secretly hope he will change because of the baby. If he told you he wants no part take that as license to live your own life. His family sounds controlling and might make your life a living hell. I would get away ASAP.

If you feel unsure about raising a child on your own I would do adoption as well. Don't be selfish. You will need to be selfless and give your all without being resentful. If you can't do that don't try it.

Also...your name, finding love? With a baby on the way this should be the last thing on your mind.

[dragon_fly_12]

What was the question again?

Single parents do it every day, and they make things work because they have to. Find a good counselor, you will need it. Creating boundaries is essential to being a strong parent.