Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
[I was a quiet child and I remember teachers telling my mum I was abnormal and I needed therapy. I never behaved badly. Now I have a career and some patients are complaining I'm too quiet. I do like to listen though. But what's with this? Its not like I'm going to shoot anyone. Some coworkers have commented that it makes people uncomfortable when someone is quiet and doesn't have much to say. I don't smile and make a lot of eye contact either. Is being loud and talkative an American thing?
Secondly,are men attracted to quiet women? From my personal experiences I would say not but that's what I don't understand. Men don't want a nagger or loud woman from what I hear but they don't seem to like quiet women either,which is confusing to me. I thought being a quiet woman was a feminine quality,or is that outdated?
Do you at least engage in conversation? If you are as interactive with people as paint on the wall then after a while people are going to think they are talking to a wall or to themselves and walk away.
[I was once interested in a woman who was as I described - I gave up]
I don't smile and make a lot of eye contact either.
I think this is the key - it's not really the fact that you're quiet, it's the fact that you are socially awkward. Eye contact and smiling is very important in making people feel comfortable around you - you don't have to be "loud and talkative" but if you're a doctor or something (you mentioned "patients"?) you do have to know how to communicate in a way that makes people comfortable. There's a big difference between your current behavior and being "loud and talkative" - there's a lot of middle ground in between that.
Silence can be awkward with people you don't know especially if you're showing other awkward signs like avoiding eye contact. It's bound to make people uncomfortable. The fact that you don't understand this already is kind of concerning - are you sure you don't have mild Asperger's Syndrome or a social anxiety disorder?
Quote:
Secondly,are men attracted to quiet women? From my personal experiences I would say not but that's what I don't understand. Men don't want a nagger or loud woman from what I hear but they don't seem to like quiet women either,which is confusing to me. I thought being a quiet woman was a feminine quality,or is that outdated?
Again, there's a lot of middle ground in between quiet and loud/nagging. I think most men want a woman who they can have an intelligent conversation with but not someone so loud that she becomes obnoxious. I consider myself an introvert because I am capable of and enjoy quiet alone time. I can be alone with my thoughts and I don't need constant socialization to be happy. But that doesn't mean I can't hold a conversation or don't smile and make eye contact when talking to people.
I'd much prefer to be around a quiet person vs. a loudmouth.....although I do think there can be a happy medium.
Many are basing their opinions of others on what they 'perceive' and don't take the time to get to know someone to discover who and what the person really is.
There is nothing abnormal being a quiet person; to me, some of the most interesting people are those who don't constantly flap their jaws, and get involved in conversations when they have something meaningful and interesting to contribute.
There are those who will take it personal if someone is, 'according to their standards', too quiet....they perceive it as being rejected, that the person is conceited, standoffish, or just plain rude. To me, those impressions are subjective and unfounded.
I do agree that when speaking with anyone, eye contact is important; whether or not a person has something to offer to the conversation.
I've always been on the quiet side myself; and although I am not against having non-work related conversations at work; I believe it should be kept at a minimum to avoid wasting time and disrupting other employees.
I find it difficult at times to focus on my job when there are coworkers spending too much time gabbing just to hear themselves talk.
As far as what men prefer...that can vary according to the man: how he was raised, what he is used to, etc.
I think it is considered abnormal. I am very quiet among people I don't know. The teachers used to mention this on all my report cards. I would always get insulted for being quiet. I'm quiet because I am shy. A lot of people think I'm stuck up.
I'm sure some men must find quiet women refreshing. Much better than dating an obnoxious loud-mouthed woman in my opinion.
I am sick of being ridiculed by people for being quiet.
Yeah it's the most annoying bull**** in the world. Like Lisalan said, some people actually think you're stuck up because you're quiet!! No, I'm not stuck up, but I certainly consider you dirt if you think I am just because I'm ****ing shy.
I'm quite talkative when someone initiates conversation with me, I just don't do a lot of initiating myself (because I'm shy and simply not that great at starting conversations, especially with someone I'm attracted to.) But some people are such dullards that they consider that being stuck up.
i was a very quiet child and it went right through into adulthood. you sound like you are going through exactly what i did. when i was little people assumed i was stupid and would sometimes say so just because i wasn't voicing my thoughts or opinions. as an adult people would come up to me and say "you are so quiet, say something". they would make comments about me not smiling etc.
i am an introvert and shy, so my most comfortable way to be is quiet.
i did have a freind though, that helped me be more open and social. people love talking to me now, and it has made my life a bit easier.
i still have quiet moments and of course people ask if something is wrong. i also get into quiet and solitude zone when i get home from work just because i am around so many people all day consantly wanting to converse.
as for guys. it takes them a little longer to realize you are there because you are so quiet and not in their face like other women. then they realize you are there and are intrigued by the quiet. that was my experience.
A quiet woman is considered abnormal. Not fair or nice but most things are not. Learn to look at people and carry out a conversation. You do not need to be a chatter box just respond when spoken to in sentences and not monosyllables.
For why it is considered abnormal? People, as a species, love to converse. Both talking about their day to day life and passing along information that may be helpful to others. If you do not partake of that then of course it appears odd. People are left to guess your motivations for avoiding contact. Some of those guesses are not positive.
You might find it uncomfortable to talk a lot but a little should not hurt you all that much. Speak up!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
