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415_s2k, I find amazing that you spent all that time to write a response, so first of all thanks.
As I see, the main point of your post is that I am a defeatist and pessimistic in general regarding women. Well you are probably right. After all, when I have been rejected by them my whole life, it's only logical that I feel this way. For that same reason, as you can imagine, one cannot just forget 15 years of dating failure overnight and just become optimistic. And believe me, I tried. Many times.
Still I have to say that there have been times in my life when I cared so much less about women and was more cheerful in general. I noticed that I made friends more easily, but I never saw any increase on female attention during those periods compared to other dull times.
And yes, I do realize that with much effort maybe I could force myself to be more optimistic/confident/whatever. But after so long, I question if it is worth it anymore. Yeah, I did spend quite a lot of time and effort on it in the past, but I was a student back then with plenty of time. Right now I'm in a day job and starting a business. I must also have time to take care of the house (I live alone) and other things like visiting the family. I think you get the point: In the past I dedicated lots of time and got nothing. You can imagine I am quite wary of risking that happen again.
However I think you are wrong on something: I do like my life and the way I am. I don't want to become someone else or to be forced to abandon my perspective in life. That's one of the reasons I gave up the PUA community: they just transform you into another person artificially.
I like my life the way it is. It's only I don't understand why women don't seem to like it. I mean, I don't spend my days playing online games or something useless like that.
I think you should see a therapist. Your lack of self confidence could negatively affect a lot more than just your dating life. Seeing a therapist does NOT mean that there is something wrong with you, it means you have a problem that you want help with. Clearly your problems with your dating life are bothering you a lot. So if you can afford it, therapy is well worth the investment of time and money.
That would be a wise investment. You can't "make yourself be self confident". You can become naturally self confident, particularly with the help of a therapist.
I know you don't like my advise, but I've said a lot of the same things 415_s2k said (which was an unbelievably awesome post by the way, and I gave it some rep), just I haven't been anywhere near as nice as he's been about it, and he's saying it much more clearly and intelligently as well.
The likely truth is that you have been rejected by women because of your defeatest attitude, not that you have developed a defeatest attitude because of being rejected by women. You have cause and effect backwards.
This is my last post on this thread because you don't like my advise, and clearly I've said enough. But your story has touched me deeply because I have many of the same thoughts and feelings that you have, and have similarly had little success in the dating world for many of the same reasons that you have. We are almost the same age as well. I am about to turn 32.
People will act as if "confidence" will make women flock to you..
Not at all. Confidence will make him flock to women.
(I know. I said I was done posting on this thread. I lied.)
As I said in my post, carra increasing his self confidence (meaning becoming naturally more self confident, not "forcing" himself to act confident), could benefit him greatly in all pursuits of life ... dating being just one of them.
Not at all. Confidence will make him flock to women.
(I know. I said I was done posting on this thread. I lied.)
As I said in my post, carra increasing his self confidence (meaning becoming naturally more self confident, not "forcing" himself to act confident), could benefit him greatly in all pursuits of life ... dating being just one of them.
Ehh as i said some of us just arent attratcive to women
I known plenty of unconfident people in relationships its not the end all being "confident"
Ehh as i said some of us just arent attratcive to women
I known plenty of unconfident people in relationships its not the end all being "confident"
Or maybe "some of us" are only looking "above" the "league" in which we are in. You know what I mean ? Do you honestly believe that there is no woman on earth that would be attracted to you ? I would say that this is undeniably false. But it may very well be true that no "cute" brunettes aged 22-28 are attracted to you.
Or maybe "some of us" are only looking "above" the "league" in which we are in. You know what I mean ? Do you honestly believe that there is no woman on earth that would be attracted to you ? I would say that this is undeniably false. But it may very well be true that no "cute" brunettes aged 22-28 are attracted to you.
As i said in another thread we dont have numbers on our forhead to know where our league is..
I also dont know if its healthy to walk around and say hey that girl might be unattractive enough to say yes to me..
As i said in another thread we dont have numbers on our forhead to know where our league is..
I also dont know if its healthy to walk around and say hey that girl might be unattractive enough to say yes to me..
Youre attracted to who youre attracted to..
Okay, then. Get prepared then to go through life never having a girlfriend. Because for "some of us" if we set our standards of attraction too high are never going to get a date. This is a fact whether or not "leagues" "officially" exist or not.
Okay, then. Get prepared then to go through life never having a girlfriend. Because for "some of us" if we set our standards of attraction too high are never going to get a date. This is a fact whether or not "leagues" "officially" exist or not.
I agree but some of us are prepared to be alone if we can get anyone were even mildly physically attracted to us..
Age doesn't really matter when you are trying to find a partner to share something about your thoughts..... I sincerely regret that he is a not worth guy to be at the back.. Indeed there are some wonderful guys who are ready to get carried away.. but that really depends on the way you both react to each other ...
I see you are still blaming things on my "low confidence", even though you don't really know my confidence level since you never met me. Well for starters, I would bet my ass I'm more confident that many men posting in this thread. I can speak to people I don't know. I look people in the eye. I have no problem making new friends or giving a good impression on people when they first meet me. I have successfully spoken in public and I have no problem dancing or laughing in clubs, WITHOUT any alcohol. Also, if there was any doubt, yes, I can approach women and flirt with them (better or worse I can't tell, but I will do it). I'd say that's more confidence than most men.
Still, you seem to have missed something. Even if I can still increase my confidence further (which of course is always possible), please read this paragraph I posted in an earlier post:
Quote:
Still I have to say that there have been times in my life when I cared so much less about women and was more cheerful in general. I noticed that I made friends more easily, but I never saw any increase on female attention during those periods compared to other dull times.
Now, if by "confident" you mean a guy who is confrontational, who is always imposing his ways and who ridicules others when they don't think his way then no. I am not that kind of guy. And honestly I hope not to be.
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