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My friend, is currently underemployed, her car runs intermittently, she is over 62 years old, and her income is barely enough to eat oatmeal on. She is not doing well at all. She is flat broke, and close to losing her home. The home is barely livable.
Her neighbor's wife, died a few years ago, and they have known each other for over 10 years. He started asking her out, and he is very nice. So, he has asked her to get married, and she says, "Oh, I don't love him, and blah, blah..." Did I forget to mention that this man is very well off financially? That he is crazy about her? That he is one of the nicest men I have ever met? He is 56, and works full time.
This is driving me crazy, in the same sentence she says how miserable she is to be alone, and how broke she is, and how will she get to her $7.00 an hour job because her car does not run...she also says that she is going to break up with this really nice guy. I can't even think straight.
It is none of my business. I don't tell her what to do. But I just can't even wrap my head around this.
Do you ever have friends, who just continue to do things that are stupid? Does it drive you crazy?
Are you serious? She doesn't love him. You can't understand why she wouldn't want to marry him for money? Seems pretty simple to me. I've joked a few times that my "next wife" will be rich and able to support me in a manner which I'd LIKE to become accustomed, but it's always been only a joke. Sorry, but age doesn't matter.
Of course she doesn't love him, but it is insane to not go out with him in order to find out if they are compatible. Age DOES matter. A fairytale whirlwind romance probably isn't going to happen at that point. You have to give people a chance at that stage of the game, no dismissing people outright for no good reason.
I'm surprised to hear that from you, WyoNewk, particularly at your age... Unless he's hideous, she can certainly learn to love him since he's obviously a good person and cares for her. Do you want her to have butterflies in her growling empty stomach?!
Yeah, I very seldom disagree with you, Sierra, but I'm afraid I do this time.
Now maybe I've misunderstood all the details. I do agree that she could go out with him, but I thought she'd already done that, since he's asked her to marry him.
I've been rich and I've been poor. Neither made much difference as far as my happiness. In fact, when I was wealthy with a big building full of toys I was not happy at all. I divorced my wife and found a woman who loved me and who I loved. I was finally happy, even though I'd given up my wealth to my ex. That wife died and I never thought I'd find anyone I could love again, so I almost settled for a great little gal who loved me very much, but I couldn't feel that way about her, no matter how hard I tried. Then along came my current wife and I fell in love again. Yeah, I'm poor now, but I thank my lucky stars every day that I have the love of a woman who I love too. No amount of money can match that.
Money doesn't affect happiness unless you are below poverty line. Its things like spirituality, and richness in personal relationships that affect us the most.
A poor person with many rewarding friendships, loving family, and a close connection with religion/spirituality is much more happy then a rich person with no friends, hates his family, and feels life is meaningless.
Forgot to add: If your advice is unheeded, then dont bother giving it. Or at least be more discreet about it. You will end up ruining your friendship.
My friend, is currently underemployed, her car runs intermittently, she is over 62 years old, and her income is barely enough to eat oatmeal on. She is not doing well at all. She is flat broke, and close to losing her home. The home is barely livable.
Her neighbor's wife, died a few years ago, and they have known each other for over 10 years. He started asking her out, and he is very nice. So, he has asked her to get married, and she says, "Oh, I don't love him, and blah, blah..." Did I forget to mention that this man is very well off financially? That he is crazy about her? That he is one of the nicest men I have ever met? He is 56, and works full time.
This is driving me crazy, in the same sentence she says how miserable she is to be alone, and how broke she is, and how will she get to her $7.00 an hour job because her car does not run...she also says that she is going to break up with this really nice guy. I can't even think straight.
It is none of my business. I don't tell her what to do. But I just can't even wrap my head around this.
Do you ever have friends, who just continue to do things that are stupid? Does it drive you crazy?
would you feel the same if this man was not "well off financially", this woman might be poor and in need of help, but she's obviously not willing to compromise her morals to make her life easier...maybe that's why he's crazy about her..That doen't mean he can't help her out, if he
REALLY wants to.
Is 62 old enough for social security? Or if she is making very little money, can she get food stamps? She just doesn't want to pimp herself out. Who wants to be a 62 yr old hooker?
I'm with the Homogenizer, I really don't spend my time with those who can't live their lives responsibly. I have little to no tolerance for stupidity (expect when it's a young person that just hasn't been taught better). I have even less tolerance for full fledged adults that spend their lives sucking the life out of everyone else BUT yet complain that they have nothing.
YOu don't need to say anything to her all and and you don't even have to wrap your mind around it. Let what's going to happen, happen and watch the fireworks and enjoy. Stupid is as stupid does.
I find this slightly funny, since there has always been a great deal of 'gold digger' threads bashing this very concept.
I fell on hard times in my life once and could have easily had my nice, significant other move in or marry him and there's no way I would have - it's just wrong if that's the reason to do it. It eventually makes for two miserable people in the long run. Plus, using a guy for that reason would make me feel incredibly guilty.
So far the emphasis has been on the woman but what about the neighbor man? Why does he want to marry a woman who isn't in love with him? This seems odd to me...He must have some hidden problems and insecurities himself.
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