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That is ludicrous. People are the sum of what they have done and what has happen to them. It is not judging to call a dog a dog, or a cat a cat. You say you are a Stock Broker. Would you buy a Stock thats past performance was bad? Would you jump in on a fund that was going bankrupt? Now while past performance can not guarantee the future performance, it is something to keep in mind. It sounds like you need to get more realistic.
Yes, Matt, I agree. Should I have a woman with all these issues again, I will just let it pass. This was not worth the emotional toll and drama.
Dear boy, be grateful that you learned in four months what many men do not discover for YEARS.
This woman had an AGENDA. You were supposed to make her life PERFECT in every way. YOU were supposed to be her knight in shining armor. YOU were supposed to make all of her problems disappear.
She is the kind of woman who expects other people to FIX her. But she is not willing to put in any effort to fix herself. If you cannot or will not rise to the occasion and make her world a paradise, you are out of there.
I would venture to say that her two previous husbands would tell you the same thing. Some women go through life refusing to be accountable for their actions and expecting someone else to make their life "right".
Be glad that you discovered this before she tore through your bank account with the expectation that YOUR money is there to make her life (oh, and her daughter's life), better.
Next time you meet a woman with a laundry list of "problems' (both financial and medical) and CHILDREN, remember that you will always be an outsider to their relationship, and no matter what..... let me repeat that....
NO. MATTER. WHAT.
Her children will always come first before you. Every time. No exceptions. Ever. Get it?
Find a nice girl with no baggage who has goals and is willing to work toward them. NOT SOMEONE THAT YOU HAVE TO RESCUE.
20yrsinBranson
Yes, very true. I was blinded by lust. Though, not too sure on the first husband though. Since he beat the crap of her, I really don't think that was her fault. Though, picking him, having a baby with him, and marrying him could had all been avoided. Just saying. We all should be responsible for the decisions and discretions we make in life.
Some say that the past nor the future exist. Only the present. Anywho, everyone has their problems. Her medical disabilities most likely caused both financial and emotional burden in her past relationships. However, she did not accept your money so she isn't a gold digger. She simply did not wish to be involved with you for the long run. At least she was honest and up front. It hurts but that is the gamble with relationships.
If you care, you can always be there as a friend. But honestly, I know how it feels to be sick and have your body betray you. It makes you feel like sh#t and you don't really want someone helping you. You feel too proud (which may explain why she took on many debts instead of asking for help in the past). Her finding out your real occupation may have caused her to feel guilty thus her pushing you away.
Sadly, no. Her debt had nothing to do with her medical condition. It was all credit cards and furniture that she bought to furnish her condo she lost. It was only like 20k, but she decided to take the easy way out and file for bankruptcy.
I offered friendship to her, she looked at me funny and walked away. She said she as some good new friends now that are always there for me. Yea, sure. You've known them all of 2 months. I said, no problem. Just extending the olive branch. She's the only ex girlfriend that I ever had who reacted like that. All past relationships had ended on a friendship note. This one, pure disaster.
Ego hurt? No. I did not care for her? Not sure where you got that either. If I did not care for her, I would had just did the causal relationship she offered. But I enjoyed hanging around her and her family, so yea, call me the bad guy to actually want a relationship, not just a FWB. But think what you will.
I said that cuz as the kids say, you seem "all butt hurt." Otherwise you would just move on and not be obsessed with "the other guy," and what a good guy you are and what a "basket case" as someone else said this sick woman is.
Guys are reacting to support you cuz they don't like "baggage" - women who are sick or have kids are seen as "baggage." They would recommend you get a nice, fresh model (no pun intended, but it works).
Yes, very true. I was blinded by lust. Though, not too sure on the first husband though. Since he beat the crap of her, I really don't think that was her fault. Though, picking him, having a baby with him, and marrying him could had all been avoided. Just saying. We all should be responsible for the decisions and discretions we make in life.
I would NEVER, EVER, EVER justify domestic violence. (And there are those of you who will accuse me of doing just that). But I can tell you that there ARE women out there who will push a man to do things he would NEVER CONSIDER DOING in his life. I am not saying that it is RIGHT. Of course it isn't. And I am not saying this was the case with the woman in this thread. I'm just saying I have seen mild-mannered, decent, loving, caring, men become MONSTERS because of the treatment they were receiving at home.
I said that cuz as the kids say, you seem "all butt hurt." Otherwise you would just move on and not be obsessed with "the other guy," and what a good guy you are and what a "basket case" as someone else said this sick woman is.
Guys are reacting to support you cuz they don't like "baggage" - women who are sick or have kids are seen as "baggage." They would recommend you get a nice, fresh model (no pun intended, but it works).
Interesting perspective, but you are allowed your own opinion. Not all the women here share your opinion either. You're wrong, but allowed to think that I was the one who was wrong here and I was the one who caused this relationship to end. While, the baggage was a lot, I did not hold it against her and treated her like it was a non-issue. When she needed time to get treatment or medical help, I always offered support and to come with her. She turned it down, but I continued to offer it. So, if you think, that I treated her any different than any other woman who had no "baggage" you are sorely mistaken. I did not try to fix things either. I did not buy her things to make her feel better. I tried to be the best I could in the relationship. Always included the daughter. When we were going to go on vacation, I asked the daughter for her input too.
The only reason why I mentioned the guy she is shacking up with is to show the bizarreness of her antics. It's very strange for a woman to have another guy jump in her bed so soon, especially when the daughter is there too. Aside from that, I do not believe I mentioned anything negative about her.
Said the comment to myself, not to her or anyone else. In terms of salary, it has been an issue in the past, where women had been nice, kind and sweet for months into the relationship, and the real woman came out of the wood work. I did not lie to increase my salary, I did it to make it not an issue. Once you take money out of things, you just see two people, and that was what I was doing. Let the two people stand on their own without money being influenced either consciously or sub-consciously. For the record, I already knew some of the medical issues I was getting into, however, I just did not know how severe or debilitating they can be. I, of course, say and think the daughter should always come first. No question. However, when she started to bring her and her entourage of friends along with us on Saturday night dates, it was an issue. Once an a while, no problem. Every Saturday? Come on. Plus, I was with both of them, by my own choice, Sundays, Fridays and Wednesday.
Amazingly, when I left, she started having this other guy come into her life and spend the weekend with her for intimate encounters. Every weekend, less than a month after I left with the daughter sleeping in the next room. Plus, amazingly, she started hanging out with her new sex buddy and his friends every Saturday night as soon as I was out of the picture. Whereas, when I suggested just the two of us to those same places and events, she didn't want to go.
The part where the relationship was ending and the way she started to shack up with another guy immediately after my departure I just find bizarre.
You wanted time for just the two of you. I think that's great. When people are in a relationship especially with kids, the grown ups SHOULD make time for just the two of them. They should have that time to focus on each other, enjoy each others company and have fun being grown ups.
As for all this "she puts her daughter first" nonsense. Well imo, it's just that.... nonsense. How does moving from one man to another so quickly set a good example? Men comming in and out, not just of her life but her home, at the drop of a hat isn't setting a good example. Having a new man spend the night so soon with the daughter sleeping in the next room isn't a good example. So how is the mom putting the daughter first? Parents are the first role models children have. Seems to me, if the mom was truely trying to set a good example and putting her daughter first then the mom would teach her daughter to be protective of her body, she would teach her daughter the proper way to build a true relationship, she would teach her daughter how to be strong on her own. Not every woman needs a man to define who she is. That child is learning about relationships through her mother. Hopefully, the child will learn from her mothers mistakes and find a solid long lasting relationship based on love, respect, trust and understading. Not sex and financal security.
You wanted time for just the two of you. I think that's great. When people are in a relationship especially with kids, the grown ups SHOULD make time for just the two of them. They should have that time to focus on each other, enjoy each others company and have fun being grown ups.
As for all this "she puts her daughter first" nonsense. Well imo, it's just that.... nonsense. How does moving from one man to another so quickly set a good example? Men comming in and out, not just of her life but her home, at the drop of a hat isn't setting a good example. Having a new man spend the night so soon with the daughter sleeping in the next room isn't a good example. So how is the mom putting the daughter first? Parents are the first role models children have. Seems to me, if the mom was truely trying to set a good example and putting her daughter first then the mom would teach her daughter to be protective of her body, she would teach her daughter the proper way to build a true relationship, she would teach her daughter how to be strong on her own. Not every woman needs a man to define who she is. That child is learning about relationships through her mother. Hopefully, the child will learn from her mothers mistakes and find a solid long lasting relationship based on love, respect, trust and understading. Not sex and financal security.
I get why the daughter should be first, not arguing that. However, it seemed, at least from my POV, she became more and more distant. I tried several times to talk to her about our relationship, all she said was that she was trying. Then, when I said I think we should break, no resistance, but she asked if we can still talk and hang out. Of course I said yes. I know this will sound crazy, but I really hoped she was taking that time to get better and get her affairs in order. Then, possibly reach out. When I reached out to her, and got this non-sense about my job as the reason why she had nothing to do with me, I was shocked. Women (girls) and I have broken up for different things, but none of them tell me they want nothing to do with me (I.E. friends) because of my job misrepresentation. I really thought we could be good friends. When her life was not out of whack, she was really fun and nice to be around.
Of course, this was before I learned she had another guy in her bed a few weeks after I left. I guess, all in all, because of her bad choices in her relationships in the past, she refused to allow feelings for me, so it was easier for her to move on to the next guy so quickly. It is really a shame though. We both agreed, for the first three months, we had a strong connection. She even said, she'll never leave me. I'm stuck with her. I took it in stride. But, I do wonder if I made the right choice to leave. Yea, she was grumpy, cold, bitter, sad and distant, but it could had been a faze. Granted, it was a month and a half long faze, but I still question my decision. The people I've talked to about it think I made the right choice, as her life is just too complicated for anyone to be part of. Plus, when you add in the irrational behavior at the end, it seems she, down deep, she just wanted sex, not a relationship. Hence the reason why she said at the end she just wanted something fun and casual. If she told me this during our first date, there would not had been a second. And yes, I can admit, part of me is hurt that it did not work out.
I can say one thing. This relationship has certainly changed me on how I view women, in terms of relationships. Hopefully, in the long run, it will not prevent me from considering another one; should that opportunity present itself.
Are you sure this woman is not a compulsive liar? The comorbidity of these disease states you listed are impossible to exist in one person.
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