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This happened in my marriage. He wanted to and I didn't. We made a list of "pros" and 'cons" and opted to move. After 1 year, I wasn't happy and wanted to move back, which we did. Moving is not permanent. You can always move back if you want to or need to. So that's the way we looked at it. I tried to acclimate to our new state, but had difficulty and missed people back home. I have no regrets and did make a few life long friends in our new state and am really happy that we had the experience. We moved to a place that was very different from our hometown, so it was very interesting. If you can afford to move and save some money, try it! We rented after we moved and didn't get ourselves tied down with a house and that turned out to be a really good decision since we only lived there for a year.
Did your husband find it difficult to move back then...or were they fully willing? I'd imagine this needs to be set up as a "ground rule" before moving. I know I love the new area we are considering...but then again, I've never lived there, only been on vacation there. Living and vacation are two different things.
Renting is a great idea...kind of try before you buy. We have a young one who will be entering kindergarten in a couple of years so we think if we are going to do it, now is the time before taking them out of an established school.
I think she is more afraid of what her family will say if we do move...rather then being away from her family.
I do agree with your logic and to add to it, I would say living together is more beneficial for a male then it is for a female. No matter what the age of a guy, he can aways leave and find a hot young thing and start over, but for a female who is not exactly a ripe young collage freshmen with no children it's going to be harder for her to find a DECENT mate. If she was married at least she could get a house/money or something if the relations***t simply could not work...
But going back to the living together, I use the shoe analogy. We all buy em and we all try them on before we buy but at the same time nobody buys used shoes. Sometimes I wonder tho, if people live together to get all the benefits of being married without going through all the work/fear of getting married.
They are afraid of commitment.
If you buy a pair of good shoes they take sometime to settle in. After a while it becomes YOU. They fit you good. Not at first. So you trying them on doesn't mean anything but how they look ON you. Right? Buy the shoes and walk a mile in them and you'll love them. Don't try them on walk a few feet and hate them. You know what I'm saying?
Sorry, but I don't think your analogy works. When you buy a house, you know what you're getting. You know if the house is in need of repairs, how much space you have for your stuff, how much things will cost, etc. If you marry someone without living with them first, that would be like buying the house based only on what you read in the listing and not actually seeing the house for yourself. Being married to someone means being able to live with them. Some people can be madly in love, but be unable to live together. What if one person is a neat freak and the other person is a slob? What if one person loves to have parties all the time and the other person doesn't? What if one person likes things all contemporary and the other person likes things country? What if one person hogs the bathroom all the time? Granted some of these things you're likely to discover before you ever get engaged. But a lot of things you don't discover until afterwards. And what you think are minor things that you can put up with do build up over time. I remember dating someone and thinking she was perfect for me. And even though I had spent plenty of time at her place and saw how she lived, it wasn't until I actually spent a full week at her place while mine was being worked on that I realized just what it would be like to live with her and she realized what it would be like to live with me. After that week, we joked that if we ever got married, we'd need separate houses.
It isn't the work they're afraid of. Often, it's the difficulty in splitting if things don't work out. Divorce is messy, but if you just live together and if the place belongs to one person, then it's easy to move out. No fights over who gets what. But I don't think that's a good reason to live together first cause if you have that attitude, your relationship probably won't last.
I guess you will have to realize we can get some good out of everyone. You eventually contract good and if not careful bad from each other. I think you explaining the opposite aspects of a relationship is good in a way. If she is clean and you are not, than you may clean up your act to please her more. If she is quiet and doesn't like parties, well, maybe she will loosen up and have some friends over. It's all give and take and you have to jump aboard and take what comes your way.
If you are at sea in rough waters you MAKE it work. You don't get off the boat you work together and get through the storms. I think the analogy of the house fits just fine. I think you are excusing yourself from a committed relationship thinking you may have to sacrifice your tastes for someone else whom you say you love unconditionally.
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