Desperately need neutral advice (dating, wife, marriage, woman)
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My wife and I have been married for 5 years. Both of us are in our early 30's, no kids (fortunately). Our marriage is falling apart though.
She has always had anger / depression issues. I moved here (Fort Lauderdale, FL) to be with her, but she has always hated it here. We are currently trying to save to move to WA, where I am from originally (but have no true family).
The problem is that she takes too much of her anger out on me and will twist and contort everything I say and if I slip up verbally, it's as if I killed her mother or something. She is constantly stressed, hates her job and constantly threatens to quit (I cannot support us both on my income alone). She complains about anything and everything and over-analyzes anything said to her, including anything I tell her. Mentally, she is far from right, but she refuses to accept that there's anything wrong with her and she'll tell me that I'm the one with the problem(s).
Add to that, she's gained a ton of weight and smokes too much pot. She keeps saying she'll lose the weight, but she never actually does anything about it and just constantly complains that she's fat all the time. She also complains that we don't have enough sex.
The verbal abuse is the worst. She blames me for everything wrong in our marriage. She ridicules me and constantly threatens divorce when we fight. We seem to fight over everything these days. If we fight, she gives me the silent treatment and guilt trip for often days afterwards, then she'll tell me that it's her ****ty job or the city we live that makes her a monster
I also get the guilt trips for not getting her a wedding ring (can't afford it yet and we share all finances).
I do love her and don't want to leave, but this is someone unwilling to accept that she's doing anything wrong.
First of all what concerns me the most is the fact that your wife is a drug addict. You need to get her into rehab ASAP and then go from there.
Depends if you consider cannabis a "drug". I think the fact that she has an addictive personality is part of the problem. If I even remotely suggest that she should knock off the weed, she gets mad and accuses me of calling her am addict. I am no better. I self-medicate with booze to numb the stress of going home and having to deal with her constant venting or the threats to quit her job and the desperation (which is all in my head apparently).
1. She sounds like she's in a wicked depression. Completely understandable if she lives in a place she hates, has a job she hates, and works with people she cannot stand--especially in southern Florida. My sister moved there and less than two years later, she's moving back up north because she couldn't stand it there, either.
2. There are two sides to every story. I'd like to know what you mean by "verbal slip-ups."
Depends if you consider cannabis a "drug". I think the fact that she has an addictive personality is part of the problem. If I even remotely suggest that she should knock off the weed, she gets mad and accuses me of calling her am addict. I am no better. I self-medicate with booze to numb the stress of going home and having to deal with her constant venting or the threats to quit her job and the desperation (which is all in my head apparently).
I do consider marijuana a drug. I'm really sorry you are going through this. Please seek help for your drinking problem. Would you be happier without her? You need to ask yourself this question. You sound miserable and I feel really bad for you OP.
Was she like this before marriage, or when you started dating. It sounds like you have incompatible personalities. She obviously has a depression/anger problem.
1. She sounds like she's in a wicked depression. Completely understandable if she lives in a place she hates, has a job she hates, and works with people she cannot stand--especially in southern Florida. My sister moved there and less than two years later, she's moving back up north because she couldn't stand it there, either.
2. There are two sides to every story. I'd like to know what you mean by "verbal slip-ups."
Verbal slip-ups, as in I say something she perceives as wrong, but instead of rationalizing it, she takes it up 1,000 levels and turns a mole hill into a mountain (believe me, I let a lot of her verbal slip-ups slide because all of us are human and cannot be 24/7 accountable for what we may say at a given moment). Yes, there are indeed 2 sides to every story and I am nowhere near perfect. Deserving of emotional abuse though and to be screamed at so bad that it takes me hours to function again?
You can be the judge of that, but if I were a woman and she were the seemingly "strong" man, I wonder if you'd still be taking 2 sides to the story?
Verbal slip-ups, as in I say something she perceives as wrong, but instead of rationalizing it, she takes it up 1,000 levels and turns a mole hill into a mountain (believe me, I let a lot of her verbal slip-ups slide because all of us are human and cannot be 24/7 accountable for what we may say at a given moment). Yes, there are indeed 2 sides to every story and I am nowhere near perfect. Deserving of emotional abuse though and to be screamed at so bad that it takes me hours to function again?
You can be the judge of that, but if I were a woman and she were the seemingly "strong" man, I wonder if you'd still be taking 2 sides to the story?
You don't deserve the emotional abuse OP no one does.
Was she like this before marriage, or when you started dating. It sounds like you have incompatible personalities. She obviously has a depression/anger problem.
I've always known about her depression and accepted it as a part of her. The anger has grown a lot though. It's something I cannot deal with and it's turning me into a nervous wreck. Easy to say from a distance don't take it personally, but those words and the screaming leave lasting wounds which never seem to fully heal.
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