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Assuming those oats are being sown responsibly and honestly, I'm all for it. Those young adult years are a time for youthful hyjinx, and discovering who you are and what your values are. It's healthy to get that out of your system before undertaking all of the responsibilities of full-fledged adulting.
I spent a lot of my time being overly afraid of STD's.. pretty bad hypochondriac.
I have been with enough, do I wish I slept with more? Yeah maybe a little. If I did sleep with more.. would I have wish I'd have slept with a few more? Most likely.
I'm happy who I'm with and don't really worry about it though.
Yes. Best not to wonder what things can be like 20 years into your marriage.
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Originally Posted by oh-eve
yeah. I am all about exploring when you are young so you appreciate what you have once you want a real relationship.
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Originally Posted by Just Zola
I indulged in such things during my teens and early 20s. My philosophy being: enjoy it while you can!
Now that I approaching a quarter-century, and have settled down into a very strong personal relationship, I feel absolved of all those heady days of such "empty" indulgences. Absolutely no regrets, but am glad i did those things when I did, so that I can say "been there, done that!"
But that's just me.
Agree with all of these.
Zola…they might have been empty but some sure were fun, lol.
You can sow or not sow, it won't keep things from happening down the line.
How do you KNOW that? I don't think a study has been done, and certainly not a controlled study!
I'd say that generally, just like you need to learn what you like in a person in GENERAL, sowing oats is the exact same concept - it's just one more facet of the relationship. For some it's more important than for others. Disregard it totally at your own peril! That said, you'll be more prepared (and wiser) to make a smart choice but there are no guarantees. Just because not all marriages to "sowers" last forever doesn't mean there isn't some value for other sowers!
Me personally, I don't care about variety or experiencing different people. Seems overrated, but to each their own.
True but different people open your eyes to different experiences. Some you might never know you like. And I'm not just talking about sex, lol. Before Mike I never knew how much I enjoyed construction projects and remodeling houses. For 20 years now I have had so much fun. What if I settled 25 years ago and never knew this about myself?
So yes I think we need to experience differences. So many people are sadly unhappy today....what if they had changed it up sooner?
How do you KNOW that? I don't think a study has been done, and certainly not a controlled study!
I'd say that generally, just like you need to learn what you like in a person in GENERAL, sowing oats is the exact same concept - it's just one more facet of the relationship. For some it's more important than for others. Disregard it totally at your own peril! That said, you'll be more prepared (and wiser) to make a smart choice but there are no guarantees. Just because not all marriages to "sowers" last forever doesn't mean there isn't some value for other sowers!
I once read a study done by a university some time back. It mentioned that the people who slept around more actually had a higher chance of divorce.
I once read a study done by a university some time back. It mentioned that the people who slept around more actually had a higher chance of divorce.
That's not the same thing - did they divorce specifically because they slept with others and were more experienced? Or if you sleep with more people are you generally less "conventional" and not as concerned with staying married? Just because two things happen together doesn't mean that one is the direct cause of the other....it's just CORRELATION.
People have used the exact same argument against living together....unconventional people do ALL KINDS of unconventional things...travel more, eat weird food - do those things cause divorces?
My husband and I were each other's first and only. We both wondered if it would be different with other partners but not enough to do anything about it. Now that I'm widowed and dating again, I am learning I like different things about different men (I'm not just talking sex) and wonder if I'll ever be lucky enough to find all those best qualities in one man. I sure hope so. So yes, I think it's a good idea to explore your options when you are young to learn what you really want.
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