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My 65 yr old father has met a 45 yr old lady, that is unemployed and on disability. She is also a recovering alcoholic.
My father has known her for a few months and has bought her sob story. He also has a year or two to live. He can sleep several hours at a time when feeling really sick or the next few day he can be normal.
So this lady that could be his daughter given their 20 year age difference has been talking to him about moving in and living there for free. I'm really annoyed and if that ever happened and I see her I'm going to make her feel really really uncomfortable. A few other relatives have expresed their concern as well. It's pretty clear what is going on. This lady is a freeloader loser trying to sponge off of him. What would you do?
Sounds like your dad is lonely and knowing he doesn't have much time left, he is looking for companionship and someone who will take care of him. He doesn't want to die "alone". The best hope you have of keeping this woman away is for a family member to move in with him instead.
Sounds like your dad is lonely and knowing he doesn't have much time left, he is looking for companionship and someone who will take care of him. He doesn't want to die "alone". The best hope you have of keeping this woman away is for a family member to move in with him instead.
Well, I visit and stay at his place. He kind of already knows better than to have her there. I haven't even met her but I know enough.
He's not going to die alone. He's got family around. He friends with his neighbors and other people in the area that invite him to dinner and other things. He's got a lot of friends, family and aquaintences. This lady has nothing to offer, but a paid girlfriend.
You didn't mention whether or not he is financialy secure.
If he is, or even if he isn't, make sure she doesn't have access to any way of getting to his money. She just might be looking for a sugar daddy with the pretense of being a friend or companion.
It happens everyday.
I would be very suspicious of her intentions. But as long as your Dad is strong of mind and capable of making his own decisions there isn't much you can do to keep him from letting her move in except to express your concerns and be very observant of her behavior and his wellfare.
With family and friends around he doesn't need her. But it sounds like she may need him. And it may just for her benefit. Not his.
And if she does move in, make your own visits more frequent and enlist the help of other family members, friends and neighbors to be in the house as much as possible so the woman's activities can be monitored. I doubt she would be very comfortable being under watchful eyes all the time ...
Keep this all as normal as possible and don't try and get between her and your father because whether or not she moves in is ultimately your father's choice. Be polite at all times, despite your feelings.
I've seen this happen often enough that I know there's not a thing you can do about it except to suck it up. He may have plenty of family but he doesn't get the kind of attn from them that he does from her and it would be weird if he did but that's the way it is. So, STT had some good advice--it's the best you can do right now. And I'm sorry you're losing your dad and now this stress on top of it. Hang in there.
Alterior motives aside, would your father be better off living with her or not? If he'd be better of living with someone why do you care if you're not willing to live with him. He's lonely and she wants a free place to stay. This just might work for both of them.
I agree with the others, having seen this before. If his mental faculties are right, you have to suck it up and accept the fact that he wants a female companion for his remaining days. if you put yourself in his position, it's easy to see why. Stay close to him, that's all you can do.
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