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First, I knew you weren't 80, but did know that you were young enough to be our (wife/I) daughter!
Thanks for clarifying, you had me confused when you said "we are most likely much younger than you"
Now, what I'm also curious about is......what did you friends think about what happened. Are they married or single? Were you the only lady at the table this happened to?
My friends that were there were all married and a round of drinks were sent for all of us. They were all as clueless as I was which is why we asked the bar tender. It was a bar/restaurant and the idea was to get something to eat and catch up with eachother. We sat at the bar because the place was packed and there were no tables left.
We weren't meeting to go out for drinks. 99% of the time I order water with lemon, that evening I figured I was local enough that if I felt fuzzy after a drink, my husband could come and get me so I ordered a glass of wine.
I really don't know what generation started up this "lets go out for drinks" thing that includes married people without their spouse with them, but do know that we sure don't believe in it. Way too many problems have resulted from it. Some of those problems people have even done Threads on this forum about. Wife and I trust each other 100%, but still wouldn't go have a drink without the other being there.
My husband and I trust eachother 100% and we would. But then you are right in that it may be a generational thing. It's also easier on the pocketbook. Getting a sitter for 4 kids is not cheap and since he doesn't have a huge interest in chatting it up with my friends and vice versa, we just go out solo when we want to spend time with them.
Guess, we are really fortunate that we have numerous interests we do together.
We have a lot of the same interests and like to do things together too, but we are also fortunate that we did not have to give up our other interests when we married.
I really could not imagine my husband going with me to paint pottery or make jewelry. It's not like I am bar hopping every Friday night. I came on here and asked the question because the last time I actually sat at a bar was too long ago to remember.
I'm curious, you never went to lunch with people from work without your spouse? Never went to a baseball game with buddies, played golf, etc. without your spouse?
We have no single friends we hang with (feels sort of wierd using that word "hang" since I'm not from the generation that word came from) and the married couples we know only go out when their spouse is with them.
All of my friends are married and they all go out without their spouses on occasion. Twice a year I used to go away for the weekend with my friends and my husband was not bothered by it in the least. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
I really don't know what generation started up this "lets go out for drinks" thing that includes married people without their spouse with them, but do know that we sure don't believe in it. ... Wife and I trust each other 100%, but still wouldn't go have a drink without the other being there. Guess, we are really fortunate that we have numerous interests we do together. We have no single friends we hang with (feels sort of wierd using that word "hang" since I'm not from the generation that word came from) and the married couples we know only go out when their spouse is with them.
I'm guessing it's more of a cultural thing rather than a generational thing. I'm 65 and ever since I can remember it's been perfectly normal for people to do things separately from their spouses as it's unusual for a couple to enjoy EVERYTHING together.
People meet for a couple of drinks after work with their coworkers, office bowling tournaments, darts, and a whole bunch of other things. One likes opera, one hates it so makes a date with a friend.
I have several friends who've been married for close to 40 years but take separate vacations once in a while. For instance, one husband goes on a hunting trip with his old buds every year (not much hunting, mostly sitting around a campfire telling ribald tales!) and wife goes on a quilting spree at a different time. Nothing underhanded and remember that what you read here on this Relationship forum isn't representative of everyone and one shouldn't jump to any conclusions about human nature by reading some of these threads, only wonder sometimes how some people actually manage to get out of bed in the morning. Cheers!
Good lord, call me crazy...but a simple nod, mouthing 'thank you'...and pressing about your business would have been fine. What's the big deal here?
I think it's a compliment some guy bought you a drink. Especially in today's economy.
Now if he strolled up, slapped you in the behind, and stuck his tongue down your throat...well, that's another story...that should at least cost him a shot!
Good lord, call me crazy...but a simple nod, mouthing 'thank you'...and pressing about your business would have been fine. What's the big deal here?
I think it's a compliment some guy bought you a drink. Especially in today's economy.
Now if he strolled up, slapped you in the behind, and stuck his tongue down your throat...well, that's another story...that should at least cost him a shot!
: )
And that's what happened (the former). She was just ASKING about normal bar etiquette.
So much agree with those who say no big deal. Its a compliment. It doesn't have strings attached. Sending word back with the server about marital status is good also. Avoid awkward moment. But guys have reasons to send over a drink and not always is there a panting dog in heat at the other end of that drink.
When I was a regular at a very trendy singles bar, we would send drinks over to the girls that WERE NOT getting hit on just to make them feel good. I always got a smile for that even though I was not really trying to get more acquainted. My buddies and I were in a hillwilliam (C&W) bar one night and an AA girl came in with what was probably a going away party and looked real uncomfortable and we must have sent her and her friends $100 worth of drinks and never spoke to any of them.
It means different things to different people. Relax.
Good lord, call me crazy...but a simple nod, mouthing 'thank you'...and pressing about your business would have been fine. What's the big deal here?
There is no big deal, I was simply ASKING what the etiquette was for that kind of situation since it's never happened before.
I think it's a compliment some guy bought you a drink. Especially in today's economy.
I do too, which is why I kind of wondered if I should have paid for the drink after letting him know I was married. It's also the reason I accepted it rather than have the bar tender dump it.
Now if he strolled up, slapped you in the behind, and stuck his tongue down your throat...well, that's another story...that should at least cost him a shot!
If my husband was in the same situation he would have accepted the drink. I asked him about it the next morning and he said if the guy was a dumb*ss enough to send the drink over without first finding out if I were attached, then his loss.
^^ I agree with your hubby. Not sure if I would label him a dumb*ss but if he really wanted to get to know any of you better, I'm sure he would have done better due diligence of his prospects. I hope you enjoyed the free drink and thanked him. Smooth move!
Here (1st in red) you make it sound like YOU were the only one sent a drink by this dude! Then (2nd in red) we find out that your whole table was sent a drink! Two different situations. If other ladies friends got a drink as well, how do they think about getting the drink?
Remember, this dude sent the entire table a drink..........not just you! Very different situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus
I went out with friends the other night to a bar/restaurant.
What do you do when you are married and a man sends a drink over? It was kind of awkward. The bar tender told us to accept the drinks with a "thank you" and that's all we had to do.
It still didn't feel right. I'm not much of a barfly...haven't been out like that in ages.
What do you do?
My friends that were there were all married and a round of drinks were sent for all of us.
Here (1st in red) you make it sound like YOU were the only one sent a drink by this dude! Then (2nd in red) we find out that your whole table was sent a drink! Two different situations. If other ladies friends got a drink as well, how do they think about getting the drink?
Remember, this dude sent the entire table a drink..........not just you! Very different situation.
My friends that were there were all married and a round of drinks were sent for all of us.
Initially I asked "What do you do when you are married and a man sends a drink over?"
When I asked the initial question I was trying to get a general sense of what one should do without having to go into all the details of the night...I was using "you" in general terms polling the reader here.
My friends were just as clueless as I was and weren't sure what to do. We all wondered if we should have paid for the drinks but one friend said she didn't order it and she didn't want to pay for it. The other didn't know if she should let the bar tender dump it. I felt like I should have paid for it if I was going to drink it. We all had different reactions which is why I figured I'd post and see what the general concensus was.
I wasn't aware that the details of the event would yeild different advice. Why would it matter if it was one man or multiple men that sent a drink or drinks over to the table?
Here's the whole situation though...
We were sitting having conversation at the bar (not at a table...you seem to be a stickler for details). I had just finished a glass of wine and was still picking at my food. My friends were done with their drinks as well. The bar tender came over with a few drinks and said "A round for the ladies". We asked who sent the drinks, he nodded to the end of the bar towards a group of men (3 or 4, I didn't really know how many were in the group or who paid for the drinks). We told the bar tender we were married and asked what the etiquette was. He told us that he'd relay that and we should just accept the drinks otherwise he'd have to dump them. We asked if he would say "thanks" for us and let them know we were spoken for. Then I gave the group at the end of the bar a thank you nod (not sure if my friends did too). They raised their glasses to us.
There ya go...disect away! I'm not sure how that changes the fact that I wasn't sure what to do and felt awkward accepting a drink, which is why I asked what the etiquette was.
Would I have done something differently if it was only sent to me by one man? If so, what? I'm still married, still not interested, still would have felt awkward and still wouldn't have been sure about how to react.
If I were married and a guy sent over a drink, I'd take the drink under the pretense that I'm not obligated to talk to him or do anything aside from giving a 'thank you for the drink'.
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Not sure if I would label him a dumb*ss but if he really wanted to get to know any of you better, I'm sure he would have done better due diligence of his prospects. I hope you enjoyed the free drink and thanked him. Smooth move! 
