The Loving Feeling Lost in Ohio (dating, girlfriends, how to, married)

[quarterback2213]

I really do not know what else to call it. All I know is I am having issues with building relationships with women.

Growing up I always felt like a hopeless romantic type. I loved girls in a very early age and wanted their attention badly. Always had girlfriends and in high school got serious with one. We were together for a couple years and that ended which resulted in my first BIG heart-break. I got into college and for a year or so I wanted to just hook up with girls after that break up.

Then I met a girl in College that I thought for sure, without a doubt, not question at all was IT. I fell and fell fast and hard for her. Problem was as much as she enjoyed going out with me, she was never on that pace or level of love I had for her. It ended up ending very bad. Caught her going out with another guy and of course a disaster of feelings came soon after. I was in college of course and had been in a relationship for the last year. Really did not party a lot and do the normal college thing because I was so into this girl. After that I was WRECKED! Drank a TON! Proceeded to hook up with any and every girl. I had been with 4 girls up to that relationship and after, I went to about 12 in a 2-3 month period. I stopped building relationships with girls period. It was all about just the hook up and being able to not be hurt.

A few years go by and I get out of college. Dated here and there and then I meet another girl. i am not all that crazy about her. Really looking back, I have not been crazy about any girl since "College Girlfriend". Well she was amazing to me. She did and wanted to do anything for me. She was sort of emotionally unavailable and I was never 100% attracted to her. I was 26 though and I thought I needed to look past these feelings and make it work with her. Afterall she was great to me and we got along fine. We NEVER fought. I mean NEVER. After dating for about 6 months I decided to ask her to move in with me and not really knowing why. I spend the next year and a half pushing her away from time to time. I was never in love with her, but I was in love with the attention and willingness to make me happy. I tried breaking up with her 4 or 5 times but I never could go through with it. So one day we get in a REAL BIG fight. She had begun to change a bit in the end and I think she may have met someone else but overall she knew I did not love her the way she would want. And I don't blame her. She leaves me and sends me in a tizzy. Why? You would think I would be fine considering I was never in love with her. I guess I got comfortable and the attention she gave was better than nothing. Now I had nothing.

Since then I have dated, but I find something wrong with them QUICK. I feel like I have lost the ability to BUILD relationships with women. I lost track of that Hopeless Romantic at somepoint. I pinpoint it at the College Girlfriend. I still want to love and get married, but I am 30 now. I just dated a girl for a couple months and she was nice but again I was not crazy about her. I thought she was ok, but I was only so so interested in her. Of course we slept together and it is to the point now that this routine makes me sick. I want sex like everyone else, but damn it I wish I fell like I was building something at the same time.

I feel so screwed up now and I have no clue what to do. I am in the middle of a career transition and I feel like now is not the time to date, but hell when is??? You know? I talk to friends and family till I am blue in the face. They are VERY supportive and I have great friends. I feel like this is beyond help at this point.

I feel like I screwed things up with the girl that lived with me. She would of bee more than perfect to marry and grow old with but I never saw it. She hates me or maybe just has 0 interest in my being. Its been a couple years and I saw her in public and she won't even look at me. So that ship SAILED. Not that I deserve her at this point anyhow.

I know I have a big heart and I am ready to love. I just don't think I know how anymore. I don't even know what someone I would like would look like. I mean if I liked a girl, I am not sure I know how to even identify those feelings any longer. I got my heart broke in the past, I broke some hearts and I made decisions that have impacted my habits with building relationships with women and I have know clue where I am at with all of this. I want it, but I may be to messed up for someone now. Now I am on a message board here at 1:42 am to complete strangers. Not sure what help I can get other than the exercise of typing all of this out.

Some may be sick by how I have acted. if so, I am sorry. Just move on. If you have helpful comments. They would be greatly appreciated.

[imsh0t]

hi im glad you recognized that you have trouble at least. There are many who just go on and on never facing up. I guess you pretty much just carry so much baggage from your past. I suggest getting more comfortable with yourself and put your history to rest. I think you should try a relationship that doesn't start with sex, maybe wait til 6 months. I know it sounds like a long time but it is important to building a relationship based on more then just sex. and do not move in together until at least a year or two.

[andreaspercheron]

I'd take a break completely from dating. No chatting online, no going to bars, no dating at all. Work on yourself and learn more about yourself before putting yourself out there for other women. By your own submission, you have been steadily dating or screwing someone since you were a kid. Have you ever had a LONG period of alone time? That's what you need. Also, read some self help books; can't hurt.