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What a woman says: "This place is a mess C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now!"
What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C'mon blah, blah, blah, blah, you and I blah, blah, blah, blah, on the floor blah, blah, blah, blah, no clothes blah, blah, blah, blah, right now !
seriously though, this happened to me earlier today.
my room mate--a woman--told me that once again she found someone parking in her handicapped spot.
Now...what am I going to do to fix it or solve that for her? So I didn't say anything. She accused me of not listening, when the fact was I HEARD her, I just didn't have an answer for her problem. I understand it's a problem but I don't have an answer.
I could have said, "Well, call the cops on them then." and she would have replied, "I KNOW that." Sounds to me like she has the "solution" figured out, doesn't it? She doesn't need me to tell her what she already knows. So how am I supposed to respond?
I hear her, but I have nothing to offer in response.
Chicks just have this way of talking so much it is just crazy. I hate when my wife goes "are you listening to me?", who the hell can listen to some one talking a mile a minute? I just try to tune in to the key points.
If i read one more of these articles in which women are put out to be shrieking harpies and men the long suffering being i am going to shriek. Most of the guys that act like this don't do it because of any of the above reasons, but rather because they are douche bags.
I feel like a student who has to take in every little thing he has said, and if I repeat the story “so, this and this happened?†or offer advice and I get it wrong, he gets agitated, tells me I am “missing the point!†and things like that.
I think I will take a leaf out of your book and just listen from now on.
Amazing how we have to cop all that but they can’t listen to one emotional thing we have to say without tuning out.
pffft if my mate did that to me, then when he came home with his problem i would tell him to have a coke and a smile and shut the **** up .
I think a big part of the problem lies in the fact that, apparently, if a woman verbalizes anything other than sunshine, rainbows, and light, it's considered "whining." Even the article uses such verbiage. Not "voicing a concern," "discussing a problem," "airing a grievance," or even "expressing sadness or hurt." Interesting choice of words. If the prevailing mentality is that if there's something that needs to be discussed, you're a whiner, there's really little wonder that communication problems are so rampant.
I have heard many a guy go off about frustrations. I've never heard it referred to as "whining."
This contradicts what a lot of women say. Many don't actually want the man to attempt to solve the problem. They simply want him to listen. Besides, if the complaining is about something with no solution or something completely silly, then are you simply supposed to sit there and listen? I don't think that's fair to the person doing the listening. A good partner should be there to talk to, but you should also respect them enough to know where to draw the line.
You are right. Most women don't want you to try to solve their problem. They already know the solution and the solution may just be...deal with it.
Quote:
Besides, if the complaining is about something with no solution or something completely silly, then are you simply supposed to sit there and listen?
I know this answer is going to be hard especially if the majority of the women you know complain about silly things. You have to put a stop to it early on.
Hey, you sound frustrated, is there anything I can do for you? ----I just want you to listen. ------I did and you sound frustrated. Maybe you can take a warm shower. I'll set the table tonight.
When I complain, I am often reflecting on my social interactions earlier that day. That for me is the worst time to have a conversation with anybody because my mind is somewhere else.
seriously though, this happened to me earlier today.
my room mate--a woman--told me that once again she found someone parking in her handicapped spot.
Now...what am I going to do to fix it or solve that for her? So I didn't say anything. She accused me of not listening, when the fact was I HEARD her, I just didn't have an answer for her problem. I understand it's a problem but I don't have an answer.
I could have said, "Well, call the cops on them then." and she would have replied, "I KNOW that." Sounds to me like she has the "solution" figured out, doesn't it? She doesn't need me to tell her what she already knows. So how am I supposed to respond?
I hear her, but I have nothing to offer in response.
Here's your dialog...
Woman: "I'm so flippin' annoyed, someone parked in my handicap spot again...what is wrong with people?"
You: "Gee, sounds like someone parking in the handicap spot frustrates you. I know how hard that makes things for you. Can I help in any way?"
Taaaa DA!
Now she knows you are listening, you acknowledge her feelings and you offer to help, not a solution. That right there is called "active listening" and it works well for BOTH genders.
seriously though, this happened to me earlier today.
my room mate--a woman--told me that once again she found someone parking in her handicapped spot.
Now...what am I going to do to fix it or solve that for her? So I didn't say anything. She accused me of not listening, when the fact was I HEARD her, I just didn't have an answer for her problem. I understand it's a problem but I don't have an answer.
I could have said, "Well, call the cops on them then." and she would have replied, "I KNOW that." Sounds to me like she has the "solution" figured out, doesn't it? She doesn't need me to tell her what she already knows. So how am I supposed to respond?
I hear her, but I have nothing to offer in response.
Some suggestions:
Sorry, honey. That stinks. Did you find a different spot?
Ugh, how annoying. I hate it when people do that.
I wish I was with you. I would have given that person a piece of my mind.
What a jerk! I'm sorry you had a rough day.
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