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That is the topic, and you got it, so there is no need for a full account of all human behavior. Yes, many want to be able to discuss an issue and receive support from a spouse. That's not really a big deal. It's not a matter of compromising values, personal autonomy, or any other great sacrifice on the part of a spouse. If it would be a great sacrifice for you, then simply don't be with a woman that has those needs.
I struggle with this expectation that many women have, how they should be able to say whatever they feel in a given moment, and as a boyfriend/husband/whatever, that I'm expected to agree. They refer to this as "support." And if the boyfriend/husband/SO doesn't agree, that he's supposed to lie about that, because that's "support."
As a male, I run things by people so they can shoot holes in my argument, and help me develop a better understanding of what i'm talking about. Honesty is critical to my idea of "support," and feeling good or feeling bad plays very little role in it.
I recognize that women see things differently, and (especially in relationships) I try to give them a really wide berth when it comes to gender-related things I don't understand or don't agree with. This is one I don't get. Why don't women vent to their female friends if they expect female support, and if they want male fix-it mentality, then ask the husband/boyfriend. Why insist that the square peg must fit in the round hole? Is there a subconscious craving for conflict?
It's no fun to be with someone who only pretends to listen to us and someone who basically only pretends to care about us. (For whatever reason!)...It takes work and effort at times to try to understand our partners but it's worth the effort to me! I don't want to pretend to care and pretend to listen and I don't want to be around someone who acts this way around me either.
I struggle with this expectation that many women have, how they should be able to say whatever they feel in a given moment, and as a boyfriend/husband/whatever, that I'm expected to agree. They refer to this as "support." And if the boyfriend/husband/SO doesn't agree, that he's supposed to lie about that.
As a male, I run things by people so they can shoot holes in my argument, and help me develop a better understanding of what i'm talking about. Honesty is critical to my idea of "support," and feeling good or feeling bad plays very little role in it.
I'm not sure what this means. Agree or don't agree? My dh got a C in orgo I a couple of years ago. His prof, who is actually on probation now, was a pain in the arse. He was pissed. And he didn't want to hear about my study habits. He didn't want to hear that when I was in college I'd assume drop a class or withdraw and retake it later before I'd get a C. He just wanted to talk and I can't imagine getting upset over him not accepting my way of dealing with HIS problem. I just listened, cared, nodded, said "I know baby, it's not fair", whatever.
Not everything is an argument. And as noted by Ivory, you simply may not be in a position or have the expertise to offer up solutions or poke holes in a given argument.
I struggle with this expectation that many women have, how they should be able to say whatever they feel in a given moment, and as a boyfriend/husband/whatever, that I'm expected to agree. They refer to this as "support." And if the boyfriend/husband/SO doesn't agree, that he's supposed to lie about that, because that's "support."
As a male, I run things by people so they can shoot holes in my argument, and help me develop a better understanding of what i'm talking about. Honesty is critical to my idea of "support," and feeling good or feeling bad plays very little role in it.
I recognize that women see things differently, and (especially in relationships) I try to give them a really wide berth when it comes to gender-related things I don't understand or don't agree with. This is one I don't get. Why don't women vent to their female friends if they expect female support, and if they want male fix-it mentality, then ask the husband/boyfriend. Why insist that the square peg must fit in the round hole? Is there a subconscious craving for conflict?
For some crazy reason a lot of men misunderstand women on this issue
For the record, women do not want men to simply agree with them as a way of showing support. Certainly if you don't agree with your lady on something you are entitled to your own opinion! (though when she is upset may not be the time to voice that opinion).
Giving her emotional support DOES NOT mean you are saying you agree with her!
PLEASE REREAD THAT STATEMENT AND LET IT SINK IN.
You can be very supportive and disagree with her take on things at the same time.
You just have to say things like, I can see how upset you really are over this and I am so sorry such and such happened. OR, I am so upset to see how frustrated you are, that really sucks!
I'm not sure what this means. Agree or don't agree? My dh got a C in orgo I a couple of years ago. His prof, who is actually on probation now, was a pain in the arse. He was pissed. And he didn't want to hear about my study habits. He didn't want to hear that when I was in college I'd assume drop a class or withdraw and retake it later before I'd get a C. He just wanted to talk and I can't imagine getting upset over him not accepting my way of dealing with HIS problem. I just listened, cared, nodded, said "I know baby, it's not fair", whatever.
I agree, although we seem to have different ideas of what constitutes a 'discussion.'
I agree, although we seem to have different ideas of what constitutes a 'discussion.'
Well, there is more than one type of discussion. Some warrant advice, some are just a matter of listening about your partners day, some are about making decisions together, etc.
You just have to say things like, I can see how upset you really are over this and I am so sorry such and such happened. OR, I am so upset to see how frustrated you are, that really sucks!
You're talking about the situations where I already agree with her, where I already sympathize with what she's dealing with. Sure, that's easy.
I'm talking about the situations where I think she's wrong, where I think she's responsible for creating her own problems.
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