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I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years back in october 2010 and to this day I still wan't to be with her. We met when we were 19 years old and have been through probably more than most relationships. It was a very intense relationship, we were very serious about eachother perhaps even too serious to the point where it felt like we were married. We both wen't through our parents divorcing, her trying to gain permanent residency in Australia with me, me stopping and starting university and where to go with my life, religious problems (she's muslim I'm christian though only by title I don't practice it), we were also opposites in so many ways in regards to personality, taste e.t.c ( I was the quiet reserved one, she was the one that wanted to get out and "live life") yet we still managed to stay together this long and have some amazing times together. We often talked about marriage/kids in the later stages of our relationship. We would often fight about pointless things (and more important things like religions) and yet just at the point where we thought we would break up we would somehow manage to patch things up and have some unbelievable time after it. If we did "break up" it would only be for 4-5 days and we couldn't stand not being away from eachother. We both had our faults however, she would often be demanding about certain things I didn't consider to be that important and often I would tell her that I cared for her but didn't show it enough. E.g she would wan't to go on a weekend away together and I'd say "yeh sounds good" but it would never end up happening. Obviously I regret not making the effort to do those kinds of things with her. She had no other family here as they were all in Indonesia so I was pretty much the only person she could speak to, to confide in. e.t.c
During October 2010 she wen't away to her home country to visit her parents and it was during that time that things started falling apart, we slowly stopped calling and I'd always have an excuse not to meet up. Then one night she rang up and said maybe it would be best if we let each other go. I reluctantly agreed and it was the biggest mistake of my life. For about 1 week we didn't contact eachother and eventually we started speaking and meeting up as friends. She would often call or sms and tell me she missed me and loved me, but when I said let's get our **** together and work on this she'd tell me she's happy just being with friends and us simply being friends as the 6 years wore her down and she needed a "breath of fresh air". When we did meet up she'd sporadically hold my hand or kiss me but then tell me she was so confused and often cried particularly when I wasn't there for certain events due to the fact we weren't a couple. After 2 months of this I eventually put her to the "all or nothing test" because I just grew depressed of being with her but not being there as her "man". She still said she wanted to be friends for now and that even if I never wanted to speak to her again she would still care about me and have feelings for me and she wanted to stay friends because we were alot more relaxed in this way.
So I guess what I'm asking is if there's a chance we could be together again? Should I simply let go or let her breathe for a while and see how she feels about us later? I know she still has feelings for me as she told me even to this day she still loves me and cares for me but still want's to be with her friends and just have a friendship. This was our first major relationship so it's left a huge hole in my life where I would usually be doing something with her or calling her. She tells me she's still not sure but doesn't want me to wait for her because she is still confused and would rather I just move on and find a "better" girl for me. I know about the whole "get out get a gym membership, meet/screw other girls" e.t.c and yes Iv'e met a few other girls as a casual relationship but I still can't move on and me going out with these girls almost feels like a betrayal. I guess the thing that worries me most is if I do let her go for a while and see what happens she will end up finding a guy and literally forget about me. What the hell do I do???
So I guess what I'm asking is if there's a chance we could be together again? Should I simply let go or let her breathe for a while and see how she feels about us later? I know she still has feelings for me as she told me even to this day she still loves me and cares for me but still want's to be with her friends and just have a friendship. This was our first major relationship so it's left a huge hole in my life where I would usually be doing something with her or calling her. She tells me she's still not sure but doesn't want me to wait for her because she is still confused and would rather I just move on and find a "better" girl for me. I know about the whole "get out get a gym membership, meet/screw other girls" e.t.c and yes Iv'e met a few other girls as a casual relationship but I still can't move on and me going out with these girls almost feels like a betrayal. I guess the thing that worries me most is if I do let her go for a while and see what happens she will end up finding a guy and literally forget about me. What the hell do I do???
Well I suppose there is always a chance, 6 years together is quite a history. But yeah, I am of the opinion that you should probably give her the space she requested. No good can come from forcing the issue. Be strong and good luck
Going to the gym is good advice. So is hanging out with friends and indulging hobbies. I'd disagree on going out and getting a new girl. It's only been three months and because you guys dragged things out by trying to be friends, kissing, etc, in some ways it may feel like you've only been broken up for days or weeks.
No one can know what will happen in the future. I agree that you should not put your life on hold. You've expressed to her that you still want a relationship. She said no. At this point, there is nothing you can do but move forward. I think you need space from this, which means no phone calls or contact while you're healing. Maybe later you could be friends, but as you've learned, trying that too soon just pours salt in a wound.
It takes time to get over a relationship of that length and intensity. Don't try to rush through it and definitely don't start dating or sleeping around for awhile. I think that will drag up too many questions that you aren't ready to answer while you're still reeling from this. Finish your business in the past before moving on to something new.
you're just making yourself miserable. i've been there (many times and probably still am now). it's not worth it. no guy or girl is worth making your own self unhappy.
just ACCEPT that things wont work out with this girl. and be open to moving on after some time. take time off the dating scene. and when you meet someone else, you'll know... and you'll be in a relationship with someone new. that's all.
you're just making yourself miserable. i've been there (many times and probably still am now). it's not worth it. no guy or girl is worth making your own self unhappy.
just ACCEPT that things wont work out with this girl. and be open to moving on after some time. take time off the dating scene. and when you meet someone else, you'll know... and you'll be in a relationship with someone new. that's all.
Have you been there for 6 years with someone? Most marriages don't even last that long.
Have you been there for 6 years with someone? Most marriages don't even last that long.
no I actually right now suck at life and confidence and relationships and romantic interest
but I do know you have to accept that it's not going to go back to how it was and move on. she doesn't want you.
sorry.
and I know, it really really sucks to invest emotions in someone without having the other person feel the same way. but what the heck, you never know who life has in store for you down the line.
do not wallow and waste another moment in misery if you can help it. you're worth more than that. especially since it's out of your hands/control now.
eventually, place your hopes on something/someone else.
BTW she sucks with all her texting you that she loves you and holding your hand crap after she wanted to break things off and just be friends
after she saw her folks back home, she probably now wants somebody who suits their preferences more. Muslim, Indonesian, blah blah blah.
do you really want to pine after a girl who would just drop you, just like that? I'd be pissed. she's not worth a second of your time/energy
save yourself and move on. pls
you are dragging yourself through mud, unnecessarily.
JC sorry your break up has been tough on you. I think you need to focus on yourself and keeping your spirits up. I think that you guys broke up for a reason and she has accepted that, while you havent. Lke you said your personalities is very different and often that puts strain on a relationship, in this case enough to end it.
You should try to move on. Socializing is the best way. Try to get support from friends and family as that will help you feel better. I suggest waiting until you are comfortable living a single life before seeking a partner. Dont worry too much many people end long relationships and find happiness in the future.
6 years of relationship is not a simple matter. It will obviously leave a huge hole in your heart. She is also probably in the nervous condition. It's just almost 4 months. She is considering many things.
So, if I am you, I'll listen to my heart. You can give her space as she requested, but do what you have to do to get her back if you really want her after some times. You can expect for the best but always prepare for the worst.
What the hell do you do??back off!! She was obviously very into you, but you blew her off..Now you are experiencing the repercussions of your insensitivites.
Like everyone says, six years is not to be taken lightly. But, you split because perhaps it is time to take a break, reevaluate your lives and then everyone can have some breathing room. You are feeling the way you are because you were with the same person for six years, it's not easy to just move on and get over it. You are missing the comforts of having the same person around but ... it sounds like you both need some space.
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