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I have been seperated from my wife since one year, I have a son who is young enough and who loves me a lot and I love him too. He lives with my wife in India. I have filed for divorce in Indian court , I try to not feel sad but some days are good some days are very bad emotionally. However I try, I get sunk in depressive thoughts. I feel like I am living in a bad dream where nothing seems to make sense.
I talk to my son sometimes and last time I spoke to him few days back made me more depressed as he was asking innocent questions as where I am , when I will come and he misses his grandmother(who lives in same city as my wife does) and he wants to go there. I dont understand at times why things and life esp relationship is so complex.
Though my logical mind knows that seperation was very much destined and there was no way I could have avoided it or taken a different approach given the circumstances, yet I find it hard to sail through. Sometimes I Worry if I ever will be able to pull on and not give in or reconcile due to my son . I know that kids need to be in healthy enviorment , but still I feel where life has brought me. I feel extreme void and emptiness at times. I have taken therpy for some time in past and I also talk to a therepist on phone in India every now and then, however I try I feel at the end of the day we ourself have to get rid of our thoughts, behavior, and thinking pattern and no therepist can take you out. That part of doing things or knowing what to do which is right is not easy .
Personality wise I am least selfish and am more sensitive.(call it weak). How should I handle this? If I dont call my son I feel bad as I am not in touch , again he is so young he cannot actually tell much, and I dont talk to my wife as the matter is in court and I want to avoid giving her the impression that my son is my weakness at this juncture (though she knows he is) as she has been emotionally blackmailing me in past . I am planning to make a short trip this year to meet my son and spend some time. But nothing seems easy emotionally...
Some months back I was in India and before traveling when I called him he started crying and saying mother hits me and all, I was so mad that I threatened my wife on phone that I Wil pull everyone in court if something happens to him. Later I apologised to her saying I was sorry but hope you understand that I dont live with him and if he talks all that stuff, how will I feel . There has been history that she hits at times and I used to object, fight, and disagreements used to crop up. I frantically used to call my lawyer and even CPS here in US(while my wife and son are in India) to see if they can do some help. While I used to calm down after some days or time but I feel anxious about my son and his overall wellbeing as I dont get any feedback nor I can see him myself since I am in US. I have thought to take or approach court to ask permission that my son meets my mother in India every few weeks in that way I will be able to be in touch with him and someone can see actually how he is doing..
I have been seperated from my wife since one year, I have a son who is young enough and who loves me a lot and I love him too. He lives with my wife in India. I have filed for divorce in Indian court , I try to not feel sad but some days are good some days are very bad emotionally. However I try, I get sunk in depressive thoughts. I feel like I am living in a bad dream where nothing seems to make sense.
I talk to my son sometimes and last time I spoke to him few days back made me more depressed as he was asking innocent questions as where I am , when I will come and he misses his grandmother(who lives in same city as my wife does) and he wants to go there. I dont understand at times why things and life esp relationship is so complex.
Though my logical mind knows that seperation was very much destined and there was no way I could have avoided it or taken a different approach given the circumstances, yet I find it hard to sail through. Sometimes I Worry if I ever will be able to pull on and not give in or reconcile due to my son . I know that kids need to be in healthy enviorment , but still I feel where life has brought me. I feel extreme void and emptiness at times. I have taken therpy for some time in past and I also talk to a therepist on phone in India every now and then, however I try I feel at the end of the day we ourself have to get rid of our thoughts, behavior, and thinking pattern and no therepist can take you out. That part of doing things or knowing what to do which is right is not easy .
Personality wise I am least selfish and am more sensitive.(call it weak). How should I handle this? If I dont call my son I feel bad as I am not in touch , again he is so young he cannot actually tell much, and I dont talk to my wife as the matter is in court and I want to avoid giving her the impression that my son is my weakness at this juncture (though she knows he is) as she has been emotionally blackmailing me in past . I am planning to make a short trip this year to meet my son and spend some time. But nothing seems easy emotionally...
wow. can't you get partial custody or regular visitation. even if it was only in the summer or something you would have that to look forward to. good luck.
That is what will eventually happen once the matter is finalised in court. Till then it is not going to be easy. And the big question is to deal with the blues when I am not with him or not aware what is going on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pkrplr1
wow. can't you get partial custody or regular visitation. even if it was only in the summer or something you would have that to look forward to. good luck.
That is what will eventually happen once the matter is finalised in court. Till then it is not going to be easy. And the big question is to deal with the blues when I am not with him or not aware what is going on.
i guess with her being way over in india it's kind of tough to visit him. i would do everything i could to see him and talk to him as much as possible. but i understand your position. how long will the process take?
I had talked to my wife before and gave her ample opportunity, she has been manipulating me , lieing to me, not working on marriage and when everything failed, I requested her for kid sake lets go mutual sepeartion , she tried to manipulate me by saying yes and that she will allow kid to remain with me for the weekdays(at that time I was in India), when I asked her that is she sure, she said yes talk to your lawyer and we will do it. I drafted a consent agreement which was very fair in every way and kids custody she had to retain.
In mean time I had met my son in his school and then I came back, she took advantage of that and manipulated me saying the son was sayng " Dad does not love me bla bla " and then said I Can do anything for him, I asked her what can you do , can you see a therepist together for our wellfare(because I knew she was not seeing alone though she claimed but still I asked her), she again lied she is seeing the therepist from 6 months . when I confronted she said a cold sorry as if nothing has happened and she blamed me for wanting to see a threpist or counselor. The more I think the more I feel I will become insane one day.
Time and again I lost myself , I got depressed and sad and finally moved one sided in court. Now she is resisting and wanting restitution through court(another way to harrass in India). The matter can take 2 years depending on how things go.
I have gone from intense anger to extreme despair when I think of lies she has spoken , the indifferent attitude, the manipulation . I loose my sanity ..
Quote:
Originally Posted by pkrplr1
i guess with her being way over in india it's kind of tough to visit him. i would do everything i could to see him and talk to him as much as possible. but i understand your position. how long will the process take?
I had talked to my wife before and gave her ample opportunity, she has been manipulating me , lieing to me, not working on marriage and when everything failed, I requested her for kid sake lets go mutual sepeartion , she tried to manipulate me by saying yes and that she will allow kid to remain with me for the weekdays(at that time I was in India), when I asked her that is she sure, she said yes talk to your lawyer and we will do it. I drafted a consent agreement which was very fair in every way and kids custody she had to retain.
In mean time I had met my son in his school and then I came back, she took advantage of that and manipulated me saying the son was sayng " Dad does not love me bla bla " and then said I Can do anything for him, I asked her what can you do , can you see a therepist together for our wellfare(because I knew she was not seeing alone though she claimed but still I asked her), she again lied she is seeing the therepist from 6 months . when I confronted she said a cold sorry as if nothing has happened and she blamed me for wanting to see a threpist or counselor. The more I think the more I feel I will become insane one day.
Time and again I lost myself , I got depressed and sad and finally moved one sided in court. Now she is resisting and wanting restitution through court(another way to harrass in India). The matter can take 2 years depending on how things go.
I have gone from intense anger to extreme despair when I think of lies she has spoken , the indifferent attitude, the manipulation . I lose my sanity ..
well good luck. my divorce took 4 years, nine months, and five days in pennsylvania. of course most of that time was fighting over money and property. i got custody of our teenage daughter from the start. you can hang in there for 2 years especially if you can have a couple of visits. keep going to therapy and take the meds if they prescribe them.
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