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Speaking of puppies; knight: Try buying a puppy, women flock to cute puppies (so don't get some f'ed up race that looks like crap, get agerman sheppard or so.), if it doesn't work you can always eat the dog Too bad student quarters don't allow pets...
Allergic But thx for the helpful suggestion though...
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And yes I'm kidding, but seriously if you give women an easy thing to strike up a casual conversation about they will look at it and then it's easier to strike up the conversation yourself(don't count on them to do it, they seldom will). I find it way more easy to talk to women who have something that sticks out, like a dog or a hairstyle, than most college-uniformed girls. (tight jeans, nice top/blouse, common hairstyle.) Seriously there is basically nothing to comment on other than shallow surface stuff when it comes to most college chicks... (other than that they're hot, but they already know this all too well.)
For example when I carry my football pads to and from practise women(and others) usually give it a good look since american football is a rare sport here(nordern europe), makes for conversations on buss-rides to and from practice...
I say something like "hey saw you noticing the pads, have you played?"(men and women play in the same teams here because the female participants are too few to form teams of their own)
and of course in like 99% of cases they go "What? no! i'd break in half" and blablabla, we up talking about different passtime interests... the part that sucks is that almost all end up telling that their boyfriend plays soccer or icehockey or something else and then it's pretty much nothing once again.
The thing is I figure that sooner or later someone will be single, and if we have a good conversation then it can't be a bad thing.
What I think is wierd here in college is that almost 100% of attractive women(about 40-50% of women can be considered attractive here...) have boyfriends while less than 10% of the guys do...
When I started we had 22 people in our college introduction group... 12 girls, 10 guys.
10 of the girls had boyfriends either day one or within the first week.
of the 10 guys 1 had a girlfriend, and now he's single too, and none of us other guys have a relationship...
As a result all guys (including me) hit on women regardless of relationship status in clubs and stuff, because the only shot we have is basicly women who decide to cheat on their BFs...and because of that most women have their shields up pretty darn strong compared to how it was "back in the real world".
Feels like I can barely say hello to a female outside of the friends-circle without getting a look like she thinks I'm after something, even if I'm really not. The buss is basicly the only exception...
I can also relate to your experiences regarding college-age gals (minus the sports part maybe)...pretty much the same thing, when I was in college too..
You don't even have time to give to yourself, and you are going to do handstands to find a date? Ummm...dear God. Knight - if your time is so precious that you can't attend to your environmental, emotional, and physical needs (keep the home clean and working or pay someone to do it, devote time to personal enjoyment - hobbies or other mentally satisfying activities and socializing, and ensure that you are staying active and fit through a regular fitness routine!!!) then it's going to be a constant and serious struggle to attract a prospective mate. You have no sense of being grounded and secure in your life. You sound, literally, incomplete. Not because you need a girlfriend, but because you need a LIFE first.
I can't emphasize enough how unappealing that is.
It's not exactly as though I have much of a choice, regarding the above work-related details I described. There does not appear to be any easy solution, at least not one than I can think of.
What would you have me do; remain alone indefinitely? While attending to own emotional and everyday needs and being able to decompress when needed is indeed important, I would much rather have a satisfying romantic relationship than many of the other "life" elements cited above. Everyone, all humankind, has a universal emotional need to be loved. And to me, love supercedes some other things in importance -- hence the spending what little free time I had, trying to find it.
What would you have me do; remain alone indefinitely? While attending to own emotional and everyday needs and being able to decompress when needed is indeed important, I would much rather have a satisfying romantic relationship than many of the other "life" elements cited above. Everyone, all humankind, has a universal emotional need to be loved. And to me, love supercedes some other things in importance -- hence the spending what little free time I had, trying to find it.
And how did that work out for you? Chessie's onto something here.
If I have to choose between making friends and dating, I simply have to choose dating -- it is a higher-order priority. Friends are all well and good -- but in the end, what I need is a girlfriend, not a friend.
Thanks.
Quick question, if everyone here tells you that you should focus on friendship, social skill improvement because you need to work on those skills before even thinking about women, why ignore this advice? Its like learning how to run before walking. You do not have to listen to what we who are more experienced have to say, but you are on a public forum asking for advice. I bet there is not one poster who has read your posts in this thread or others who believes that you have the necessary social skills in general to tackle adult relationships.
A start would be getting more friends and letting things occur naturally and stop trying to force things...and no you do not NEED a girlfriend! As stated previously a girlfriend should compliment your life not be your life if that makes sense. So yeah, have the goal of being with someone, but just don't make it your entire life outside of work, because girls can smell desperation from a mile way, and the 'need' for a girlfriend frankly is desperate.
Quick question, if everyone here tells you that you should focus on friendship, social skill improvement because you need to work on those skills before even thinking about women, why ignore this advice? Its like learning how to run before walking. You do not have to listen to what we who are more experienced have to say, but you are on a public forum asking for advice. I bet there is not one poster who has read your posts in this thread or others who believes that you have the necessary social skills in general to tackle adult relationships.
A start would be getting more friends and letting things occur naturally and stop trying to force things...and no you do not NEED a girlfriend! As stated previously a girlfriend should compliment your life not be your life if that makes sense. So yeah, have the goal of being with someone, but just don't make it your entire life outside of work, because girls can smell desperation from a mile way, and the 'need' for a girlfriend frankly is desperate.
*sigh* I noticed that and typed up a response to that very point but then deleted. I may post it later. I just don't understand why he is not 'getting it'. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
Maybe things are different in the geographical location you live in, but here where I'm at, unless you've known someone already since they were children, there is almost nothing as far as "true friendship". Acquaintances or drinking buddies? Yes. True friends? Rarely if ever, and especially at my age. The "friends" most ppl have here, are people who would ditch them without a second thought, if the other party so much as caused them the tiniest of a minor inconvenience. There are other ppl here in the area I've talked to who agree with my assessment on this, also.
Why bother focusing on making friends, if they're only gonna leave or ditch you, in the end? These are ppl who would drop you in the blink of a second, and without a second thought about it either. I know -- seen it happen to me and others; definitely not fun. My own life experiences in this regard have made me very skeptical that friendship is all it's exalted to be, in contemporary society.
On "needing" a girlfriend...sorry, I cannot concur, because like I said, everyone has a legitimate human emotional "need" to be loved, whether they will admit or not. How does my merely admitting that I have a need shared by all humankind, make me inherently desparate? Cause we all need it, you know...
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Originally Posted by darrensmooth
Quick question, if everyone here tells you that you should focus on friendship, social skill improvement because you need to work on those skills before even thinking about women, why ignore this advice? Its like learning how to run before walking. You do not have to listen to what we who are more experienced have to say, but you are on a public forum asking for advice. I bet there is not one poster who has read your posts in this thread or others who believes that you have the necessary social skills in general to tackle adult relationships.
A start would be getting more friends and letting things occur naturally and stop trying to force things...and no you do not NEED a girlfriend! As stated previously a girlfriend should compliment your life not be your life if that makes sense. So yeah, have the goal of being with someone, but just don't make it your entire life outside of work, because girls can smell desperation from a mile way, and the 'need' for a girlfriend frankly is desperate.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 03-02-2011 at 11:22 AM..
Reason: Corrections / Adds
'How does my merely admitting that I have a need shared by all humankind, make me inherently desparate?'
First of all not all people share your sentiments on this, some people are single by choice beieve it or not and wish to remain that way. I cannot answer the question 'How does my merely admitting that I have a need shared by all humankind, make me inherently desparate?' That is a question for the women that are not in your life because you are scaring them away to answer, ask them.
Again...try making some "friends" here where I'm at...not an easy task. And even if you succeed, they're not gonna "care" about you. Rather, all they "care" about, is what they can get out of you. They could care less, about a person's emotional needs.
Getting what can only be described as more fairweather friends or casual acquaintances, is not exactly an objective for me at this time. A long-term relationship is.
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Originally Posted by ~A New Me~
*sigh* I noticed that and typed up a response to that very point but then deleted. I may post it later. I just don't understand why he is not 'getting it'. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
Have you made an appointment with a therapist yet, Knight? I have to say your views on friendship are a huge red flag. if you have a poor relationship with your family and no friends, that really doesn't bode well for a good relationship with a woman. You need to do some serious self-reflection and behavior modification before you even think of dating.
'How does my merely admitting that I have a need shared by all humankind, make me inherently desparate?'
First of all not all people share your sentiments on this, some people are single by choice beieve it or not and wish to remain that way. I cannot answer the question 'How does my merely admitting that I have a need shared by all humankind, make me inherently desparate?' That is a question for the women that are not in your life because you are scaring them away to answer, ask them.
Sorry to sound harsh
The key phrase you used here, is "single by choice". Involuntary celibacy (meaning here, an inability to realistically ever get married) is most definitely *not* a choice...in fact, it is the absense of a choice, to have the very thing that one may most desire. If I want to get married, but am otherwise precluded from doing so, what "choice" do I really have?
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Too bad student quarters don't allow pets...
But thx for the helpful suggestion though...
While attending to own emotional and everyday needs and being able to decompress when needed is indeed important, I would much rather have a satisfying romantic relationship than many of the other "life" elements cited above. Everyone, all humankind, has a universal emotional need to be loved. And to me, love supercedes some other things in importance -- hence the spending what little free time I had, trying to find it.
Cause we all need it, you know...
