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which is probably why many people (both men and women) fall in love with people who mistreat them, aren't good matches, or with people whom they don't necessarily like.
What about you...?? Have you ever fallen in love with a person based upon how they treated you, their qualities, and their character?? Or did you fall in love with them because of that intangible feeling that you felt when being around them, even though in the long run you knew deep down inside that things would not have worked out?
Do you think that it's possible for a person to control whether or not they fall in love with someone? Or do you think that the act of falling in love is irrational and uncontrollable?
The way they treat me and other people (and sentient beings) is very important for me to fall in love with someone. I could never love someone whose ways I would never fully respect.
which is probably why many people (both men and women) fall in love with people who mistreat them, aren't good matches, or with people whom they don't necessarily like.
I think it's more lack of self confidence, the thought that "this is all I could get.."
A confident person who believes they were worth much more, is less likely to stay with an abuser than someone who feels worthless, undeserving of attention and that it's either put up with the abuse or be alone forever.
It's not about love being irrational or funny, it's about low selfconfidence and people who seek to pray on it.
I could never fall in love with someone who " mistreated me" or who I "don't necessarily like".Some people seem to be in too much of a hurry to invest their happiness in anyone who comes along.....I would have to know or at least observe a person for a while...to see how they interact with others, before I could see them as worthy of my love.
When I was younger, yes, I did fall for people who weren't good matches. That's all too easy to do based on those intangible feelings or chemistry.
Often, such relationships progress too fast and only later do you discover that you lack compatibility in key areas. I've found that I can avoid most of the pitfalls of chemistry-based relationships by internet dating, and NOT meeting too quickly. Taking time to email, chat, and phone to discuss issues relating to compatibility is a very effective screening technique. When you DO meet, you already know you have similar values, goals, beliefs, and interests. If the chemistry is also present upon meeting, you can continue with confidence and minimal risk of significant incompatibility.
This won't work for many people, because they don't have the patience, and want the rush of hormonal attraction ASAP. Maybe I'm too rational, but it has certainly worked extremely well for me when it comes to relationships.
Most of my relationships were crappy. I fell for people based on who they presented themselves to be. Once they showed who they really were, I stayed because of a combination of what I was used to and some form of attachment I confused for love. I don't believe I can truly love someone I have no respect for and don't trust, but it sure felt like it at the time.
Now, I don't operate on emotion. I listen to my gut and I am easily turned off by those things I chose to live with for so long.
I agree with the other poster on love not being irrational. People are. I find that, no matter how old people are, too many are emotionally immature. That is what creates the "love hard/fight hard" mentality. I always shake my head at those who think they should stick around because of all the crazy they have been through together, romanticizing the koo-koo.
When I was younger, I "fell in love" with several guys that were in no way good for me. I can't even describe what my reasoning was during those times. I think that those feelings were separate from truly "giddy, gasping, falling-in-love" emotions. I was actually a little happier with those guys (the giddy, etc., ones).
I'm a little more selective these days, meaning I have a brain in my head...
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