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He doesn't like porn, can you believe that? Every time I try to watch it with him, he giggles or acts like its weird. I love it, really, I could watch it everyday. Go figure. Backwards, huh?
I can believe it. I find most porn awful, and not at all a turn-on. Have you tried to get him to search for the porn? Maybe his tastes are different -- perhaps he'd be more aroused by something other than what works for you?
Does he masturbate? If not, maybe ten times a year is simply all the sex he wants/needs/can do. Unfortunate for you, but not much that can be done about it I think.
I wonder what the reply's would be if it were the man wanting more.
You have a higher sex drive than he does. Just how it is.
The other thing is he might be resentful about something that keeps him from wanting it. You may not be meeting an emotional need that he has to want to "be" with you. It could be as little as cooking or cleaning.
You two need to communicate better or get someone who will help get the communication going.
asitshouldbe, I'm curious as to whether he will even talk about it with you? Or is he the type who is just closed lip about it and sweeps it under the rug?
I've been there with my wife and still trying to get it back to normal, whatever that is. There was a time that I would have killed for 10 times per year. During those 10 times, is he enthusiastic about it at all? I assume you do the initiating?
Good luck.
Always, I do the initiating. It would be so nice if he could just roll over and hug and caress me, just that can kick start something. Do you know how many nights I lay there trying to wish him into making first contact? He has NEVER, I have to say "can you hug me or rub my back? He won't talk about it, he walks away and says I'm putting him down. We talk about nothing except daily routine. Anything relationship wise, he'll walk away.
I wonder what the reply's would be if it were the man wanting more.
You have a higher sex drive than he does. Just how it is.
The other thing is he might be resentful about something that keeps him from wanting it. You may not be meeting an emotional need that he has to want to "be" with you. It could be as little as cooking or cleaning.
You two need to communicate better or get someone who will help get the communication going.
Just my opinion.
I cook and clean everyday, take care of the kids and household pay the bills, do the shopping make all the appointments, basically, I do everything.He works FT and I work pt. He will do just about anything I ask, for the most part. I think it has to do with control, he feels this the one thing he has control over. The one thing he can do to upset me the most, but he better be ready for the outcome, because I'm not waiting forever.
I wonder what the reply's would be if it were the man wanting more.
You have a higher sex drive than he does. Just how it is.
The other thing is he might be resentful about something that keeps him from wanting it. You may not be meeting an emotional need that he has to want to "be" with you. It could be as little as cooking or cleaning.
You two need to communicate better or get someone who will help get the communication going.
Just my opinion.
I cook and clean and do all the shopping, bill paying, appointment setting, etc. The masturbation situation shines new light on the subject. I forgot about that, he masturbates every morning in the shower. We had a few disagreements about this in the past. I said if he held off on the masturbation for a while maybe he would use his desire's with me, but he said he "need's" to do it in the morning. When we met he was 29 and had only one girlfriend in the past, for less than a year. He was very shy and quiet and he built up a self fulfilling habit for many years that he can not break. Thank You "Dr. Ruth" for the insight.
Men, be careful about your "wanking" habits, they might unknowingly destroy other things.
You can disregard any other response on this thread that suggests your husband is gay, cheating on you, has emotional problems or anything else. His testosterone level is unbelievably low. Shockingly so. Any physician will immediately put him on Testim, Androgel or testosterone injections. He will notice a difference immediately.
I went from having sex once a month (and pestering him for it), to having it sometimes 4 times a night. It will completely change him.
Please look at this testosterone chart on this page. Scroll down to the last chart on the page (Measurements in Conventional Units). Look under the middle column, "Median Total Test."
Do you see that the average man in his upper-50's has a T. level of 547? The average level for a 95 year old man is 398.
Thus, your husband has a lower level than a man 100 years old. Can you understand now why he has no interest in sex? A man with such a low level usually can't even get erections and is unable to be aroused over anything.
Does he masturbate? If not, maybe ten times a year is simply all the sex he wants/needs/can do. Unfortunate for you, but not much that can be done about it I think.
And if someone said "not much can be done about it" to a man, there would be a riot on these boards.
Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe
I cook and clean everyday, take care of the kids and household pay the bills, do the shopping make all the appointments, basically, I do everything.He works FT and I work pt. He will do just about anything I ask, for the most part. I think it has to do with control, he feels this the one thing he has control over. The one thing he can do to upset me the most, but he better be ready for the outcome, because I'm not waiting forever.
OP, I'll tell you what I tell the guys: Something else is going on here. You mentioned control. If he feels this is the "one thing" he has control over, why is that? What in his life is beyond his control?
You say he will do just about anything you ask. Think about how you are asking him to do things. Are you telling him, "the lawn needs to be mowed" or are you asking him, "Hey, honey, the grass is getting to be a little bit high out there. I'm doing three loads of laundry this morning and then taking the kids to their soccer practice this afternoon. Do you think you can do the lawn at some point today?"
Believe me, I'd understand it if you were annoyed at having to ask him to do the same dang things over and over, things that have always been "his" chores around the house and for which he needs to be reminded every week like he's a child. I couldn't do it, myself. But when you do ask, make sure it's asking, not ordering or declaring. He might get enough of that at work and feel like he comes home to yet another boss.
Another option is to stop asking. Yes, you may be spending a lot of time looking at porn, but see what he does when you stop being interested in him. It sounds manipulative or passive-aggressive, but if this is a control thing, you'll know when he comes around asking you for sex.
And if he doesn't? Well, as others have said, your choices are to seek counseling, ask him to go to counseling with you, or leave. I would not advise cheating on him. There is no sense in destroying your own integrity and becoming the subject of gossip and derision among your family and friends. Also, unless you are in a state where there is no-fault divorce, adultery would put more power in his hands than you'd want if you do split up.
Please look at this testosterone chart on this page. Scroll down to the last chart on the page (Measurements in Conventional Units). Look under the middle column, "Median Total Test."
[URL="http://www.mens-hormonal-health.com/normal-testosterone-levels-in-men.html"]Normal Testosterone Levels in Men by Age - Healthy Male Ranges[/URL]
Do you see that the average man in his upper-50's has a T. level of 547? The average level for a 95 year old man is 398.
Thus, your husband has a lower level than a man 100 years old. Can you understand now why he has no interest in sex? A man with such a low level usually can't even get erections and is unable to be aroused over anything.
This may be true, but if the husband has control issues, I wish the OP all the luck in the world in getting him to go to a good doctor who will treat it.
However, maybe part of his control issue has to do with the fact that he can no longer get it up. His ability is controlling him, so he's taking it out on her. That's entirely possible.
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And if someone said "not much can be done about it" to a man, there would be a riot on these boards.
