Older British Man & Younger American Woman (wife, long distance, married)
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I met a really lovely British man (cheerful, lively, talented, smart, funny) who is about 15 years older than me (I'm in my mid 20s) while on vacation abroad. We spent 3-4 nights together in the bar, staying up late talking and just hanging out, then finally spent a night together (we didn't go all the way even though I wanted to). Unfortunately, it was his last night there and he had to return home the next day.
The night we spent together he said all kinds of heavy things to me like "where have you been all my life?" and made comments about how into me he was, which could of course just be sexy talk in the moment, but I'm fairly experienced and it felt intense and passionate and honest. Leading up to that night he made remarks about my intelligence and how he liked my "American-ness", which he explained to mean my openness and friendly nature. He was very obviously attracted to me personality-wise in as well as physically. He told me I could come visit him anytime and he'd love to show me around his area, etc. He is divorced and has had, as far as I can tell, one very serious relationship since then. 2 teenage kids.
Since that night, we've kept in contact, but don't talk too often. He is a busy man and works quite a bit but I'm a bit of a gypsy spirit and tend to have a more open, flexible schedule, albeit busy as well. We are both performers. We will Skype on occasion, but it feels like I'm waiting around for him to show up online, and sometimes he keeps me waiting too long (tonight I end up signing off, frustrated, because he said he'd be on and wasn't.)
We have been making plans to see each other...to meet abroad and spend a handful of days together. We've both expressed how much we want to be together sexually, and I'm not necessarily expecting a relationship to come of it, however I would definitely try a relationship with him. Initially, he came up with the idea to come visit me in the US, but since then I've been the main proponent of our upcoming rendezvous (I get the vibe that he's not too concerned with planning the logistics yet, but still seems to have every intention of seeing me). When we Skype he is always glad to see me and cheerful and willing to talk about the future (as in our meeting plans), but we only Skype every 4-5 days and don't really email much. He's available by email, but generally doesn't respond quickly or regularly. I try not to bug him too much because I know British men can be reserved and private, and I don't want to come across as desperate or pushy, even though I am quite intensely interested. I suppose I'm extra sensitive to this because of the stereotype of American women as being too forward. He's even joked with me about this, acknowledging that he does think I'm forward, but has explicitly said that he doesn't mind. I don't ask him personal questions and I specifically try to remain completely separate from his life, until he decides to welcome me in.
I feel slightly nervous that perhaps he's not ultimately interested, though...a feeling that is always repaired every time I Skype him because he's always happy to talk to me. But still, I think enough time passes in between that I feel like he's forgotten about me or something. He does initiate sometimes, but not nearly as much as I do. I definitely feel like we are on equal footing maturity-wise, even though we're at different places in our lives. He's got his career all set, I don't, but it's not my first priority either...I put my relationships first. He's divorced with kids. I was married for 6 years, so I can at least relate on some level, even though I don't have kids and am in my 20s.
I do think there's a possibility he only wants sex from me (which I don't suspect). I also think it's plausible that he may assume I might not have any desire to be with him in an actual relationship because he's so much older. He has posted things online before about how one should 'never allow himself to feel too deeply because he will get hurt' and also said something about how he's 'tired of being alone'. Those two things seem at odds with each other, no?
I also don't think we know each other very well at all, which is one of the reasons I'm excited to meet him abroad. I guess I'm just curious as to why he doesn't communicate with me more. Does it sound like he's just a little bit reserved, or that he's quite busy with work, or that he's simply waiting to see me in person again before getting too involved? Or that he's not interested but still wants sex? Or that it's just super casual for him right now?
Sorry for the rambling :-) Please, not smart-ass/cold/cruel responses.
I met a really lovely British man (cheerful, lively, talented, smart, funny) who is about 15 years older than me (I'm in my mid 20s) while on vacation abroad. We spent 3-4 nights together in the bar, staying up late talking and just hanging out, then finally spent a night together (we didn't go all the way even though I wanted to). Unfortunately, it was his last night there and he had to return home the next day.
The night we spent together he said all kinds of heavy things to me like "where have you been all my life?" and made comments about how into me he was, which could of course just be sexy talk in the moment, but I'm fairly experienced and it felt intense and passionate and honest. Leading up to that night he made remarks about my intelligence and how he liked my "American-ness", which he explained to mean my openness and friendly nature. He was very obviously attracted to me personality-wise in as well as physically. He told me I could come visit him anytime and he'd love to show me around his area, etc. He is divorced and has had, as far as I can tell, one very serious relationship since then. 2 teenage kids.
Since that night, we've kept in contact, but don't talk too often. He is a busy man and works quite a bit but I'm a bit of a gypsy spirit and tend to have a more open, flexible schedule, albeit busy as well. We are both performers. We will Skype on occasion, but it feels like I'm waiting around for him to show up online, and sometimes he keeps me waiting too long (tonight I end up signing off, frustrated, because he said he'd be on and wasn't.)
We have been making plans to see each other...to meet abroad and spend a handful of days together. We've both expressed how much we want to be together sexually, and I'm not necessarily expecting a relationship to come of it, however I would definitely try a relationship with him. Initially, he came up with the idea to come visit me in the US, but since then I've been the main proponent of our upcoming rendezvous (I get the vibe that he's not too concerned with planning the logistics yet, but still seems to have every intention of seeing me). When we Skype he is always glad to see me and cheerful and willing to talk about the future (as in our meeting plans), but we only Skype every 4-5 days and don't really email much. He's available by email, but generally doesn't respond quickly or regularly. I try not to bug him too much because I know British men can be reserved and private, and I don't want to come across as desperate or pushy, even though I am quite intensely interested. I suppose I'm extra sensitive to this because of the stereotype of American women as being too forward. He's even joked with me about this, acknowledging that he does think I'm forward, but has explicitly said that he doesn't mind. I don't ask him personal questions and I specifically try to remain completely separate from his life, until he decides to welcome me in.
I feel slightly nervous that perhaps he's not ultimately interested, though...a feeling that is always repaired every time I Skype him because he's always happy to talk to me. But still, I think enough time passes in between that I feel like he's forgotten about me or something. He does initiate sometimes, but not nearly as much as I do. I definitely feel like we are on equal footing maturity-wise, even though we're at different places in our lives. He's got his career all set, I don't, but it's not my first priority either...I put my relationships first. He's divorced with kids. I was married for 6 years, so I can at least relate on some level, even though I don't have kids and am in my 20s.
I do think there's a possibility he only wants sex from me (which I don't suspect). I also think it's plausible that he may assume I might not have any desire to be with him in an actual relationship because he's so much older. He has posted things online before about how one should 'never allow himself to feel too deeply because he will get hurt' and also said something about how he's 'tired of being alone'. Those two things seem at odds with each other, no?
I also don't think we know each other very well at all, which is one of the reasons I'm excited to meet him abroad. I guess I'm just curious as to why he doesn't communicate with me more. Does it sound like he's just a little bit reserved, or that he's quite busy with work, or that he's simply waiting to see me in person again before getting too involved? Or that he's not interested but still wants sex? Or that it's just super casual for him right now?
Sorry for the rambling :-) Please, not smart-ass/cold/cruel responses.
That. Right there, I put it in red for you. You've said it. That's called your subconscious...there it is, quietly screaming and you're drowning it with a load of extra stuff.
A performer in Britain, mid-thirties, you say? I happen to live in Britain myself and know a bit about that side of things. I read this and thought it might have been referring to me.
It could be difficulties with his children. It could be the long distance issue.
Ultimately, you're going to have to do something very frightening:
You're going to have to ask him.
If you ask him and spook him, he may run or you may end up in a wonderful relationship. If you don't ask him, your relationship will continue to be as it is, now.
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.
Good luck and I wish you nothing but happiness in whatever you decide.
'TempusFugitive' has pretty much hit the nail on the head. Ask him.
After his reply decide if you believe him and are happy with the answer then act accordingly. Do what you feel is best when you've got as much back from him as you need. Don't guess or make assumptions, find out.
I'd say it was the beer talking and that you're suffering from a vacation-induced illusion. You don't live here and don't know his friends. If you did, you might realize he's not what he says he is.
You're in your mid 20's, divorced and had been married for 6 years? How the h does that work?
If I'm reading that right, you probably only recently got divorced and got married sooo young you probably have no real grasp on what you want. My advice, a man from another country, 15 years older and with kids...probably isn't it.
He doesn't sound all that interested in you. I would cut back on the communicating. Long distance relationships are really difficult and unless you are both in to each other it's simply not a particularly viable option. It takes time and effort and money to keep them going. If he can't even be bothered being online to skype when he said he would, he's just not that into you.
He's too far and too old for you. It was just a holiday "romance". That's not what you want to hear but long distance relationship rarely work. Been there done that. It was just a waste of time, energy and money. Good luck though
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That's called your subconscious...there it is, quietly screaming and you're drowning it with a load of extra stuff.
