I'm just a cheesy dude..... (wife, marriage, women, lover)
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You know I've been married a long time, and I never stopped being a cheesy romantic. I love romantic comedies, soft rock, sunsets, random lunches in the park...... all that stuff, but my wife says that I am so cheesy. Don't get me wrong I am not a wimpy guy, by no means. You would never know that I am that way if you knew me. only my wife knows me that way, but you see that's the problem. She doesn't like it, and if she does she sure has a hard time showing it. So here's my question, I like the way I am...but I also don't like how she makes me feel when I am a romantic dork, I want to be like that with her but I feel like it's a waste of time. So should I just stop.
If it is who you are and you like it, it is not a waste of time. Be who you are. If you have been married a long time, she obviously dosent dislike your cheesy ways to much.
You know I've been married a long time, and I never stopped being a cheesy romantic. I love romantic comedies, soft rock, sunsets, random lunches in the park...... all that stuff, but my wife says that I am so cheesy. Don't get me wrong I am not a wimpy guy, by no means. You would never know that I am that way if you knew me. only my wife knows me that way, but you see that's the problem. She doesn't like it, and if she does she sure has a hard time showing it. So here's my question, I like the way I am...but I also don't like how she makes me feel when I am a romantic dork, I want to be like that with her but I feel like it's a waste of time. So should I just stop.
If you've been married a long time why is it just now a concern of yours? I say keep being yourself. Your wife married you for a reason, I'm certain part of it was due to your romantic nature. It's not uncommon for married people or those in LTR's to lose that romance after being together for a long time.
If I were in your shoes, I'd either A. Not worry about it and continue being myself and doing the nice things I do OR B. I'd stop for awhile, see if she notices (and misses it) and remind her that's why she married me in the first place. A small dose of reality reminder may be all she needs.
But back to my main point, don't stop being you. If you love the person you are and love being you - then just continue doing it.
Aww, I like cheesy dorks. I am one, and I married one.
I'm sorry you and your wife have this disconnect. No, I don't think you should stop. People express their love in different ways, and I think it's important to recognize and acknowledge your mate's love in its sincere form. One of the mistakes that some people make is when they believe that the way they express their love is the only way.
Because it's important to acknowledge the other person's expression of love, however, I think it's important to try to communicate in that way as well. Meet one another halfway, if you can. Perhaps one person likes to say and hear "I love you," while the other person is very tactile and likes shoulder rubs and hugs and holding hands. Both should express love how they wish to, but they should also try to use the other person's expressions to an extent. They should also respect the other person's boundaries. Maybe one person likes kissing but not in public, or holding hands but not while walking, etc. Maybe your wife doesn't like SOME of the cheesy stuff (at work, in front of her parents, etc.) but she is okay with private stuff. Or she doesn't like some of your music choices, but she will choose something that you like too.
You know I've been married a long time, and I never stopped being a cheesy romantic. I love romantic comedies, soft rock, sunsets, random lunches in the park...... all that stuff, but my wife says that I am so cheesy. Don't get me wrong I am not a wimpy guy, by no means. You would never know that I am that way if you knew me. only my wife knows me that way, but you see that's the problem. She doesn't like it, and if she does she sure has a hard time showing it. So here's myquestion, I like the way I am...but I also don't like how she makes me feel when I am a romantic dork, I want to be like that with her but I feel like it's a waste of time. So should I just stop.
What a switch from your last post.. The two of you love keeping each other confused. I vote to continue.
Have an affair. That will show her! You can pretend you're an actor in one of those cheesy chick flicks, like Hugh grant suffering from some sort of amnesia, but you awake heartsick for the past and don't know any better. Then you have carte blanche to go get that girl from high school. You know, the one you should have married? The one that really gets you!
What? No? You don't agree? Secret lovers is a good jam for a reason! You don't think I'm serious?
Read The Five Love Languages. It may not be that there's a problem with your romantic nature. The problem may be that you expect that all women like that and that it should be enough for your wife or you expect that she should enjoy it when she'd rather you do other things. Have her read it, too. It's amazing that no matter how long you know someone, there are basic concepts that make more sense once you see them written on paper.
Have an affair. That will show her! You can pretend you're an actor in one of those cheesy chick flicks, like Hugh grant suffering from some sort of amnesia, but you awake heartsick for the past and don't know any better. Then you have carte blanche to go get that girl from high school. You know, the one you should have married? The one that really gets you!
What? No? You don't agree? Secret lovers is a good jam for a reason! You don't think I'm serious?
First - bad advice, sorry dude but an affair is not the answer here and I'm certain the OP has enough sense to gaff of your ludacris advice.
Secondly - Attn: Ladies and Gentlemen - THIS is exactly why our divorce rate is SO high. it's people like this guy here (thank you, Sir for being the example) who give marriage a bad name. "hey, things are going so well? Ahh that's okay, have an affair! She won't mind" Awesome advice.
Makes me so glad I'm no longer single and WEEDING through people like you Thank you again for helping me to even more appreciate my relationship and the commitement (I know that's a foreign word to you) WE have to each other.
I was kidding! I guess my edit about just be yourself and it will work out didn't stick! I'm new to this part of the forum. Guess my attempt at humor was a bit too much.
I'm actually really interested in the suggestion about the 5 Love Languages. Good suggestion.
Disclaimer: Affairs are not the answer. I was just painting a silly scenario from one of those silly, romantic comedies with the voice and intellect of Peter Griffin from family guy. You know the movie? A good guy marries a girl who doesnt treat them right, then they get hit by a subway and wake up and realize their mistake? And Diane Keaton is the mother in law? Then there is some kind of food fight? Everyone is rich, but you dont know why? And theres a funny doorman? Not me! Not me in real life! My imagination gets the better of me sometimes.
Last edited by Spraynard Kruger; 08-30-2010 at 11:17 AM..
I vote to continue. I thought romance was dead so keep it going.
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Awesome advice. 
Thank you again for helping me to even more appreciate my relationship and the commitement (I know that's a foreign word to you) WE have to each other.
